Monday, September 4, 2017

Hidden Life: The Good Psychopath's Curse.

The following is a mail from one of my long term Readers, someone who has been active himself in trying to spread some light in all the messy ignorance that pervades society about psychopaths and psychopathy-related conditions.

........................

Hi Jay,

I will quote you and then reply as I go along:

Good to hear things are looking up for you Zhawq.

Thank you, I hope I haven't miscalculated the whole thing. I was scheduled to receive surgery on Thur. Oct. 29th, but the brave surgeon who was going to perform the surgery has had a sudden, very serious accident that has rendered him completely incapacitated so he cannot proceed. But he knew another surgeon who was willing to take over and so the whole thing has been postponed for the day after tomorrow, Wed. Aug. 6th. - I am optimistic (I can not and will not fail!). 

I have been on a very similar path to you. ... You of course started the bug as I became much more self-aware reading your articles and have passed this on to others in course.

I have noticed your progress and I must say that I am actually quite proud of you. Few would bother or even understand that sharing information can also lead to a lot of self gratification which is so important to our kind.

I have also had the legal issues that restrict me, as well as my own inconsistency at sticking to tasks

I'm aware of the inconsistency problems, this is something that simply cannot be helped. The good thing is that if you stick with it and are not hindered by laws, regulations, money (tax, fee, etc. etc.) issues and the infamous 'unspoken rules' which is so rampant in more unsophisticated and poorly educated populations and parts of society - or, as in my case, a whole country - you will with time find good people who will want to work with, and for, you. Remember, the hardest part is always the first one or two, maybe three, years. Get past that and nothing can stop you...

In other words, there are people out there who can spot good causes which represent opportunities that are just too good to pass (depending on individual preference, of course, but there's usually something for everyone), and if you make sure to engage the best of those people you will have a loyal and talented team who can help you out in both good and bad times because it's about their future too.

Things seem to have come full-circle though and I am going to drop off the radar and focus on my own private life.

I think that may be a good idea. Who knows, you may find things have changed some day and decide to give it another try. The good thing is that you have plenty of time still. If I may give you a word of personal advice: Take a year or two and spend them on education, make sure to spend time studying subjects that are of essential value to what you aim to achieve in life... subjects like Business, Management and Marketing, IT, Website Creation, Programming & Advertisement, as well as Social Psychology. These are fields of study which all are examples of golden knowledge... 

Study some Economy and a widely spoken foreign language on the side and all that's left is practice and finding the right person who has the same way of thinking as you do, a good idea, experience, and who will take you in as their partner (or in the beginning at least be your mentor), and there will be nothing you can't achieve. I cannot put it any clearer than this. The rest is up to you and Destiny. 

Part of me thinks I may have been leading people down the wrong road as this world is increasingly monitored by authorities. Much of my work was through social media rather than just my websites ... I am beginning to think that the more guarded psychopaths out there were right all along

I have had the same concerns and I will not deny that such thoughts still sometimes pop up, there have been periods where I had these thoughts on a daily basis. I don't think they will ever completely disappear but I'm certain they'll become easier to get past with time. It's just important to not allow such thoughts to overwhelm us especially during the first years where we tend to be alone with our ambitions and visions and have nobody to rely on bur ourselves and our own strength and ability to persevere.

Personally I actually have quite profound reasons for this paranoid tendency of mine (as the psychologists will surely call it) to observe and notice the signs of certain strange coincidences which tend to have some strangely negative and potentially life threatening (or worse) impact upon the life of someone like myself who write openly about the subject of psychopathy while also having the diagnosis myself, and I have thought of writing an article about this very subject. But as things currently stand I have concluded that there is little reason to do so at this point. - But let me return to your email...

To put it short: Jay, I understand your concerns.

Sometimes you don't know what you could loose until after you have lost it. Too late for me, but I don't want to lead others of my ilk down the wrong path either.

This is you looking at the world through a prism of pessimism (we all do this from time to time). But Jay, it is not too late for you and there is no pressure to make any decisions for all future at this point in time. If you feel the need to step down for a bit, do so. Lay low for a while and focus on developing other aspects of your life. Maybe focus on other skills that you have; or explore new ones, test them and try them out. Do that and I can say with almost 100% certainty that in a year from now the way you see things today will have changed dramatically.

And remember, you are a survivor, it is in your nature. This I know for sure.

What has happened to me personally is somewhat unusual. Normally it is only the ones who are completely careless and who are intellectually challenged (retarded) at least to a degree who ends up the way I have (and even they rarely end up in such an extreme - and extremely unjust - situation).

But you know what? I finally realize that I have been wrong throughout most of my life when I thought there was no such thing as bad luck. I thought there was only lack of will or ability to sharpen your ability to predict outcomes. That if you didn't foresee something and make precautions, it was always because you hadn't done enough or tried hard enough....a very typical view on life and reality that a very large number of psychopaths (and sociopaths, generally speaking) believe to be the simple fact about how everything works.

I have always been incredibly lucky, it is obvious that I have been so and I will not deny it. But that is also the reason why I choose to look at my current misfortune as an opportunity to learn and experience for myself what bad luck actually feels like (how much it angers you; and knowing how normal people 'tick' I can see why they loose heart and feel there is no hope, which causes - a sometimes life long - depression) and to understand that indeed, luck, good and bad, do exist, which I can do in a much more realistic way than I have ever been able to until less than approximately 3 years ago when I really began to gain an understanding of what the differences between 'my kind' and 'normal people'.

This is a journey that I sense you too have begun, and I think it is already too late for me to warn you about how addictive this fountain of new knowledge can be. All in all, I think you'll be alright, my friend, and I'm happy that our paths have crossed. May they do so again when the time is right.

Zhawq.


Email by: Jay Jones 
Replies by: Zhawq.