Thursday, November 12, 2015

Psychopathic Characters In Theater.


Pandora, a bright woman who is writing a screenplay for a dark comedy in which one of the characters is a psychopath, has she asked me if I would answer some questions in order to maybe give her a clearer impression of what a psychopath is or how he would act and feel in certain situations or about certain things. Of course I couldn't say no to such a request, so I have answered her questions to the best of my ability in the text below here.

Let's get right to it...
1) If you have ever committed a crime, what was your main motivation to do so? If you haven't, what was your motivation not to do so?
Oh wow, I can't answer that with one line, I think. You see, I have committed a lot of crimes and I have had a sorts of motivations for committing them. But you may say that one motivation runs through all my actions, criminal and otherwise: I felt I had to do what I did in order to gain what I wanted to gain.
2) How did you 'feel' or what did you 'think' when you were diagnosed, or realized you were a psychopath?
When I was diagnosed I felt kind of satisfied because to me the diagnosis wasn't real, so I concluded they diagnosed me with psychopathy because they couldn't understand me, couldn't figure the 'real me' out and thus by the psychopathy diagnosis unwillingly admitted that they couldn't control me.

The funny thing is I was right. They couldn't control me until they were able to make so physically incapacitated that it teared at mt overall health.

But when I realized that psychopathy is real and that I fit the criteria of what it means to be a psychopath, my feelings were a mixture of "Wow, that's exactly how I feel/how I am/How it's always been/etc. - when I got the information from other psychopaths who knew what they were and wrote about it - and a feeling of "Ah, so that's why I've been treated so strange by this and that person, by these and those people during my upbringing!". It's been an ongoing list of new discoveries in all cases.

One of the most well known clinical psychologists, Dr. Robert D. Hare, whom we have to thank for much of the first research in later years (that's about 25 years) until recently, used to say that psychopaths can't get 'better' in a societal way by learning about their condition. He says we only use our gained knowledge to become better at deceiving and abusing others. This is true in some cases, but psychopaths are like everybody else individuals, and not everybody react the same way. My reaction were to turn completely around, if you will, and decide to try and help society get a better understanding of what we are and why we so often become heavily antisocial.
3) Have you ever considered getting help? If so, why? If so, has it worked?
I have been subjected to all sorts of "help" since I was a little child. Cognitive therapy and all that. But it didn't help because those who "therapized" me always had the air of "I know best" and "You do what I tell you to", there was no real cooperation. I have been hurt badly by a few of these "helpers" and I don't believe in that therapy. I believe in providing people with knowledge, and with treating them according to how they behave. Not in the sense that you should punish someone for something he did in another lifetime, so to speak - a time where he was another person and didn't have the understanding he has now, but treat him truly in accordance with who he is today - and you can only know this about a psychopath by observing his actions. If he consistently do things that are helpful and consistently tell you the truth about himself, possible like I do: Telling you more and more, including things he isn't proud or happy about and which he knows will bring about some scorn (as you have seen in this comment thread that I have from at least one person, a person who speaks for several dozen others)... a psychopath who goes that far to be honest about himself and provide knowledge about people of his minority, I believe that for one, you have no reason to not believe him (who on earth would lie himself weaker and less capable, less admirable than he really is?), and I believe you shouldn't punish him for crimes committed many years ago if all it does it take away an opportunity for people to learn more and new things about psychopaths.
4) What are your personal struggles if you feel you have them? Do you enjoy being a psychopath, or would you rather change? Or do you change only because you feel like you have to?
I have changed, and only because I wanted to. I changed because I took the time to learn about myself as well as about those who used to be my victims (normal people with weaknesses), but I am still a psychopath.


Being a psychopath basically just means you have stunted or absent capacities to feel empathy, love, and/or remorse.

Most psychopaths can feel Empathy but only for limited periods and the emotion isn't deep rooted. I can attest to this.

A lot of psychopaths admit they can't feel Love and do not believe it exists, or they believe it exists but don't care to feel it even if they could. I always thought I could feel love but hadn't experienced it because the right situation or person hadn't come alone yet. Now that I'm older I'm no longer certain. I don't know if I can feel love or not, I only know it hasn't happened yet.

All psychopaths lack the ability to feel Remorse. I don't think any of us could even if we wanted to. When some psychopaths sometimes claim they feel remorse, I think it is more a simple recognition of "hey, that was too bad. If I could change it I would", but that isn't remorse. Remorse is being in emotional pain because of something you did, and I have never seen or heard of a psychopath doing that. Personally I have no qualms with admitting I don't feel remorse about anything - again, I can feel regret, and I can be sincere in apologizing if I have hurt somebody by killing one of their loved ones or doing something else that brought them agony - but I fail to see the purpose of being emotionally in pain about something that has already happened and can't be undone. It helps nobody. In my view it is better to make sure to not repeat whatever your mistake was and learn from it, spend your time on making things better, not on sitting in a corner feeling sad because of something you did.

5) Do you ever feel stigmatized or unfairly treated or portrayed in the media?
This is not so much a matter of feeling as it is a matter of fact. I have become so accustomed to it in a sense, but I have come to realize that not only do mainstream society hurt and alienate psychopaths further, keeping them at the outside of what we call humanity or even humankind, but it hurts you, the normal people too, because it maintains all the stigma and misunderstandings, not to mention the lacking understanding which are essential if we want to change things.

Some psychopaths say about the victims: "It's their own doing, they should take responsibility instead of whine about their misfortune". And while this sounds very callous and is in many cases too harsh since we're talking about people who didn't have the necessary tools to avoid being abused - and that's not their fault, as little as it is the psychopath's fault - they (the psychopaths who say this) do have a point...

Too long have we - or you, society - used psychopaths as scapegoats that could be blamed for anything and everything, all bad was always our fault, ad worst of all, you need not even look for a reason because you already knew that we did the bad things for one reason only: Because we're EVIL.

And that is just way too easy. Most people today know that there's more to it than calling somebody evil - unless you're deeply practicing religious (Christian or Muslim, they both have this Absolute Evil aspect). But truth is - and is finally about to be proven by the few that people are willing to listen to: The scientists and psychologists themselves! - that nobody, not even psychopaths, become antisocial for no reason at all.

Most psychopathy research has been done on psychopathic inmates in prisons (I myself have been part of such a research program even as I've been writing this blog), but most imprisoned psychopaths have a background with heavy neglect and abuse throughout childhood, and some even with bullying because they were different and alone.

What researchers are slowly beginning to find out is that there are plenty of psychopaths who never end up in prison and who even do good things for society, because they have been raised very differently from those who end up in prison - or who get away with it, maybe by being guarded by a wealthy family.

I am one of those who were neglected and stigmatized even before I was ever diagnosed, simply because I was an orphan, taken by the state from my poor and very young mother and put in an orphanage and later adopted into a family with an okay step father who was rarely home, and a very controlling and selfish, even sadistic step mother who's main goal quickly became "He is to be broken! I HATE him! He is EVIL!". She spread this "propaganda" in the neighborhood, and even before then everybody knew that they adopted an orphan so a lot of children had been forbidden to play with me even before I arrived. And do you think any of the adults in the area lifted a hand to help me? No, not in that county they didn't. They all observed her abuse but did nothing. So I eventually gravitated towards the 'bad seeds', the other, older boys whom nobody was allowed to play with.
6) Do you have someone you would consider your best friend? How would you define this relationship? Would you miss them, would you feel something if they were disappointed in you or if they left?
Sadly, I do not have a best friend anymore. If I did, I would not be in the situation I'm in now, and it's very likely that I wouldn't have written about the state of health I'm in. But I did have a best friend. However, she died of cancer almost 4 years ago, it happened very suddenly. I was about to get a lover at the same time - a lovely woman I had met via this very website - and I had finally laid out a plan to leave this country forever... and it would've worked too, but I had to return for her funeral and the state detained me on grounds that the Psychopathy Research Program had been renewed and they now needed my participation for a months long session (taking place in the special prison ward build specifically for us psychopaths who had been picked to be in the program - and be released on probation for certain if we agreed to do it... Yeah, just look what kind of freedom this probation has brought me. Damn liars, hah!... Since then I have been stuck here as my condition (which I have described in a few earlier articles) is wearing on me and my chances to escape, regain my health and realize my plans by making them come to fruition so I can contribute to society with some of the more important knowledge that is needed right now, become fewer for every day that passes.

I hope my answers are helpful even if they don't exactly fit the kind of character you intend to portray. You're very welcome to ask me further questions about how to show dark comic aspects in a character that is obviously psychopathic, though I'll most likely need to know a little more about that character in order to be of any real help. - It may work best if you send me an email, though. - Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your project.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Psychopathic Ruled Countries.


A Reader wrote the following:
If your problem is spinal, don't operate it. That can screw up your situation even more. If you can say more about your situation I could try to do something to help you. Nobody deserves torture, not even worst torturers
This is my reply which I have chosen to publish as an article because I've considered writing about it for some time yet never got around to doing it. Well here it is...

t's nothing as complicated as spine surgery. In fact it is about a routine surgery: A knee implant. It may be too late for that because I've been left with a stiff leg that is shorter than the other (because the knee was removed), but there's also the possibility of an amputation and a prosthesis. But they won't do neither despite it has crippled me, and not only my leg, but my back especially.

The first years I kept walking and could walk so nobody noticed I didn't have a knee or that I had a stiff leg - as long as I didn't try to sit down, of course, which again meant I was limited in my social interactions (when you can't used people's rest room because you can't close the door, and the same is the case with public places such as restaurants etc., and you can't sit normally so you take up room for two people and have everybody present stare at you and the people you're with, because it's unheard of that somebody doesn't get treatment - especially treatment of such a simple nature as this.

Wanna know why I ended up this way? I contracted a small infection - small at first, from a tick (but I didn't know that's what caused it). My physician took some tests but couldn't figure out what kid of infection it was and gave up. When I asked him for a reference to get a second opinion from a hospital or a specialist, he refused to do so. I even had an official present who was there to ensure I got my rights respected, but all he said was: "I have never heard a doctor deny their patient a reference to a specialist when they themselves couldn't find out what's wrong". And that was that.

I went for a year with this condition getting worse and worse. While the infection itself started at the upper thigh near the hip, it ended up inside my knee, and after a year I lost consciousness while walking on the street - which is lucky because otherwise I would've died.

When I awoke they had removed my knee and meant to replace it, but the surgeon who had done the surgery was suddenly transferred to a different hospital, and the one who took his place for some reason didn't like me. I was otherwise very much liked on the whole ward. But this new surgeon, when he found two wallets on a newly arrived drug addict who had stolen them from other patients, but claimed I had stolen them and then given them to him (an absurd story).

If the surgeon had only asked the patients and the staff about what kind of patient I was he would've been told was out of the question that I would ever steal anything from anybody at the hospital, but he didn't ask anybody, he just released me without a surgery, saying I could get it at any other hospital.

I believe him, but it turned out to be a lie.

I have applied for surgery 4 times, and each time the denials have become more mean, actually ridiculing me. The first time I was told I wasn't in enough pain yet. The last time, after having described how it had ruined my social life completely, I was told I just needed to be more social. It was just a way of being mean to me, I know because I was there and I know how to tell when people are being deliberately mean.

In this country there's nothing anybody can do. The population is completely in the pockets of those who have a bit of power. As I have tried to explain before, they do NOT care about Human Rights nor Civil Rights.

I can do only one thing: Get away from here, but it is becoming more and more difficult the worse my health is getting.

The problem I often face when I talk to people from other countries is that they can't imagine that things really are this bad, they think I'm exaggerating or maybe even crazy due to the many nice things that's been said about the country. Most people haven't the slightest clue how inhuman this place, this small country really is.

A few facts:

  • They have the highest number of socially isolated and so called lonely people in the world
  • They have the highest use of alcohol which starts around age 12 with the aid of the parents.
  • They have one of the highest annual suicide numbers in the world and have had so for many, many years.
  • They  are the only country who keeps record registrations of ALL internet activity and ALL phone activity taking place by it's population.
  • They're the only country who diagnose people as psychopaths if they have a score on the PCL-R as low as 18. (Think about what that means: It means conformity on a scale not seen anywhere else in the world - except for perhaps Nazi Germany).
  • They have the highest number of citizens committed to psychiatric institution.
  • They have the highest number of citizens of psypharmaca (Zoloft being the mildest).
  • They have the highest taxes PLUS the highest number of the highest various individual fees PLUS the highest VAT in the world.
  • They have the highest number of laws in the world - so high that those who administrate them don't know what's legal and what isn't.
  • They make the highest number of new laws - 7 new laws every day - in the world (to compare, The US makes 4 new laws a week).
  • They are considered one of the two most racist nations in the world.
  • They are - to my knowledge - the only country in the world who has disarmed their population to the point where a woman can't use a deodorant in place of a pepper spray (which is illegal) to defend herself.

Ca. 4 years ago I found all these statistics and more by using Google Search. About 2 years ago all these statistics had suddenly been altered and can clearly no longer be trusted. This country has realized the importance of information spread via the internet and now has people paid to replace fact with fiction in order to make themselves look good and normal.

Sometimes it makes you wonder who's acting like psychopaths are automatically said to do and who's genuinely trying to make things better.