Thursday, November 12, 2015

Psychopathic Characters In Theater.


Pandora, a bright woman who is writing a screenplay for a dark comedy in which one of the characters is a psychopath, has she asked me if I would answer some questions in order to maybe give her a clearer impression of what a psychopath is or how he would act and feel in certain situations or about certain things. Of course I couldn't say no to such a request, so I have answered her questions to the best of my ability in the text below here.

Let's get right to it...
1) If you have ever committed a crime, what was your main motivation to do so? If you haven't, what was your motivation not to do so?
Oh wow, I can't answer that with one line, I think. You see, I have committed a lot of crimes and I have had a sorts of motivations for committing them. But you may say that one motivation runs through all my actions, criminal and otherwise: I felt I had to do what I did in order to gain what I wanted to gain.
2) How did you 'feel' or what did you 'think' when you were diagnosed, or realized you were a psychopath?
When I was diagnosed I felt kind of satisfied because to me the diagnosis wasn't real, so I concluded they diagnosed me with psychopathy because they couldn't understand me, couldn't figure the 'real me' out and thus by the psychopathy diagnosis unwillingly admitted that they couldn't control me.

The funny thing is I was right. They couldn't control me until they were able to make so physically incapacitated that it teared at mt overall health.

But when I realized that psychopathy is real and that I fit the criteria of what it means to be a psychopath, my feelings were a mixture of "Wow, that's exactly how I feel/how I am/How it's always been/etc. - when I got the information from other psychopaths who knew what they were and wrote about it - and a feeling of "Ah, so that's why I've been treated so strange by this and that person, by these and those people during my upbringing!". It's been an ongoing list of new discoveries in all cases.

One of the most well known clinical psychologists, Dr. Robert D. Hare, whom we have to thank for much of the first research in later years (that's about 25 years) until recently, used to say that psychopaths can't get 'better' in a societal way by learning about their condition. He says we only use our gained knowledge to become better at deceiving and abusing others. This is true in some cases, but psychopaths are like everybody else individuals, and not everybody react the same way. My reaction were to turn completely around, if you will, and decide to try and help society get a better understanding of what we are and why we so often become heavily antisocial.
3) Have you ever considered getting help? If so, why? If so, has it worked?
I have been subjected to all sorts of "help" since I was a little child. Cognitive therapy and all that. But it didn't help because those who "therapized" me always had the air of "I know best" and "You do what I tell you to", there was no real cooperation. I have been hurt badly by a few of these "helpers" and I don't believe in that therapy. I believe in providing people with knowledge, and with treating them according to how they behave. Not in the sense that you should punish someone for something he did in another lifetime, so to speak - a time where he was another person and didn't have the understanding he has now, but treat him truly in accordance with who he is today - and you can only know this about a psychopath by observing his actions. If he consistently do things that are helpful and consistently tell you the truth about himself, possible like I do: Telling you more and more, including things he isn't proud or happy about and which he knows will bring about some scorn (as you have seen in this comment thread that I have from at least one person, a person who speaks for several dozen others)... a psychopath who goes that far to be honest about himself and provide knowledge about people of his minority, I believe that for one, you have no reason to not believe him (who on earth would lie himself weaker and less capable, less admirable than he really is?), and I believe you shouldn't punish him for crimes committed many years ago if all it does it take away an opportunity for people to learn more and new things about psychopaths.
4) What are your personal struggles if you feel you have them? Do you enjoy being a psychopath, or would you rather change? Or do you change only because you feel like you have to?
I have changed, and only because I wanted to. I changed because I took the time to learn about myself as well as about those who used to be my victims (normal people with weaknesses), but I am still a psychopath.


Being a psychopath basically just means you have stunted or absent capacities to feel empathy, love, and/or remorse.

Most psychopaths can feel Empathy but only for limited periods and the emotion isn't deep rooted. I can attest to this.

A lot of psychopaths admit they can't feel Love and do not believe it exists, or they believe it exists but don't care to feel it even if they could. I always thought I could feel love but hadn't experienced it because the right situation or person hadn't come alone yet. Now that I'm older I'm no longer certain. I don't know if I can feel love or not, I only know it hasn't happened yet.

All psychopaths lack the ability to feel Remorse. I don't think any of us could even if we wanted to. When some psychopaths sometimes claim they feel remorse, I think it is more a simple recognition of "hey, that was too bad. If I could change it I would", but that isn't remorse. Remorse is being in emotional pain because of something you did, and I have never seen or heard of a psychopath doing that. Personally I have no qualms with admitting I don't feel remorse about anything - again, I can feel regret, and I can be sincere in apologizing if I have hurt somebody by killing one of their loved ones or doing something else that brought them agony - but I fail to see the purpose of being emotionally in pain about something that has already happened and can't be undone. It helps nobody. In my view it is better to make sure to not repeat whatever your mistake was and learn from it, spend your time on making things better, not on sitting in a corner feeling sad because of something you did.

5) Do you ever feel stigmatized or unfairly treated or portrayed in the media?
This is not so much a matter of feeling as it is a matter of fact. I have become so accustomed to it in a sense, but I have come to realize that not only do mainstream society hurt and alienate psychopaths further, keeping them at the outside of what we call humanity or even humankind, but it hurts you, the normal people too, because it maintains all the stigma and misunderstandings, not to mention the lacking understanding which are essential if we want to change things.

Some psychopaths say about the victims: "It's their own doing, they should take responsibility instead of whine about their misfortune". And while this sounds very callous and is in many cases too harsh since we're talking about people who didn't have the necessary tools to avoid being abused - and that's not their fault, as little as it is the psychopath's fault - they (the psychopaths who say this) do have a point...

Too long have we - or you, society - used psychopaths as scapegoats that could be blamed for anything and everything, all bad was always our fault, ad worst of all, you need not even look for a reason because you already knew that we did the bad things for one reason only: Because we're EVIL.

And that is just way too easy. Most people today know that there's more to it than calling somebody evil - unless you're deeply practicing religious (Christian or Muslim, they both have this Absolute Evil aspect). But truth is - and is finally about to be proven by the few that people are willing to listen to: The scientists and psychologists themselves! - that nobody, not even psychopaths, become antisocial for no reason at all.

Most psychopathy research has been done on psychopathic inmates in prisons (I myself have been part of such a research program even as I've been writing this blog), but most imprisoned psychopaths have a background with heavy neglect and abuse throughout childhood, and some even with bullying because they were different and alone.

What researchers are slowly beginning to find out is that there are plenty of psychopaths who never end up in prison and who even do good things for society, because they have been raised very differently from those who end up in prison - or who get away with it, maybe by being guarded by a wealthy family.

I am one of those who were neglected and stigmatized even before I was ever diagnosed, simply because I was an orphan, taken by the state from my poor and very young mother and put in an orphanage and later adopted into a family with an okay step father who was rarely home, and a very controlling and selfish, even sadistic step mother who's main goal quickly became "He is to be broken! I HATE him! He is EVIL!". She spread this "propaganda" in the neighborhood, and even before then everybody knew that they adopted an orphan so a lot of children had been forbidden to play with me even before I arrived. And do you think any of the adults in the area lifted a hand to help me? No, not in that county they didn't. They all observed her abuse but did nothing. So I eventually gravitated towards the 'bad seeds', the other, older boys whom nobody was allowed to play with.
6) Do you have someone you would consider your best friend? How would you define this relationship? Would you miss them, would you feel something if they were disappointed in you or if they left?
Sadly, I do not have a best friend anymore. If I did, I would not be in the situation I'm in now, and it's very likely that I wouldn't have written about the state of health I'm in. But I did have a best friend. However, she died of cancer almost 4 years ago, it happened very suddenly. I was about to get a lover at the same time - a lovely woman I had met via this very website - and I had finally laid out a plan to leave this country forever... and it would've worked too, but I had to return for her funeral and the state detained me on grounds that the Psychopathy Research Program had been renewed and they now needed my participation for a months long session (taking place in the special prison ward build specifically for us psychopaths who had been picked to be in the program - and be released on probation for certain if we agreed to do it... Yeah, just look what kind of freedom this probation has brought me. Damn liars, hah!... Since then I have been stuck here as my condition (which I have described in a few earlier articles) is wearing on me and my chances to escape, regain my health and realize my plans by making them come to fruition so I can contribute to society with some of the more important knowledge that is needed right now, become fewer for every day that passes.

I hope my answers are helpful even if they don't exactly fit the kind of character you intend to portray. You're very welcome to ask me further questions about how to show dark comic aspects in a character that is obviously psychopathic, though I'll most likely need to know a little more about that character in order to be of any real help. - It may work best if you send me an email, though. - Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your project.

42 comments:

Tom Arrow said...

Evil is bullshit.

But even if it were not, it would be hypocritical to not acknowledge that good needs evil to have something to fight and rub against.

Have you seen the movie 13 Assassins, Zhawq? The moment when Shinzaemon sees the tyrants cruelty and torture. He smiles in joy. It seems perverse to our conditioned taste, but I immediately felt at home. Finally a worthy honorable enemy; finally a worthy way to die.

Fran Nowve said...

Zhawq! Did I read this right? Are you currently in prison? Or a prison hospital ward? Lousy sods! What is it? A civil commitment? For the "crime" of being yourself? I relate to most of what you said in your statement. I'm glad they let you blog at least. I was in a nut house between the ages of 13 through 15. The whole time, I felt that I was really the one in control. Psychiatry is just a game when you get down to it. I was first "diagnosed" a psychopath by my best friend, another patient like me. I thought it made sense and caused bits of my personality to fall into place. Through the years, I have had more and more confirmation from life and professionals as well. I'm now 72 so my life is wrapping itself up nicely.

Anonymous said...

Haha, I think you combined the posts because Pandora was the one before me, my name isn't that pretty unfortunately :( but you can call me Luna, it is my prettiest nickname!

Thank you so much for your answers. They were thorough and they inspired me for my character. I will definitely email you if I have more questions (most likely over the next couple of months as I am writing). I think what you are doing is fantastic and very informative.

All the best and thanks again for the wonderful post.
-Ann

Anonymous said...

lol, i didn't post that comment. I'm pretty sure someone else more intelligent and ambitious posted that. but great post. it was really informative. but, I know this is kind of unrelated , how does it feel like to kill someone? thanks!

pandora

Anonymous said...

you mentioned that You lived in an orphanage, and i was wondering if that played a role in leading You to commit crimes. i am assuming that You Are eastern european. the conditions of their orphanages in the 1960/70s were not great and Many Children were neglected or abused. i wanted to know that if You werent brought to the orphanage, do You think You would have Not have engaged in antisocial behaviour?? Thanks.

pandora :)

Anonymous said...

"Please bear with the slightly disordered form in which I am currently running the website"

What you write is worth waiting for so there is no problem complying with your above request.
As long as you carry on - in whatever way you are comfortable with.

John Nutt said...



"Being a psychopath basically just means you have stunted or absent capacities to feel empathy love and/or remorse" I am not sure about that people with Asperger/autistic spectrum disorder would also fit into that description.

"I know that there's more to it than calling somebody evil - unless you're deeply practicing religious (Christian or Muslim, they both have this Absolute Evil aspect). But truth is - and is finally about to be proven by the few that people are willing to listen to: The scientists and psychologists themselves! - that nobody, not even psychopaths, become antisocial for no reason at all." They would say (they as in the vast majority of people (and not just deeply religious people) evil is inherent in your nature, you do evil not for reasons but because you love being evil. That view is changing slowly have you heard of the neuroscientist Sam Harris? according to Harris people don't "choose" or are "inherently" evil but are that way because of causes - causes of which they had no control over and go back long before they was born. I think this view - the view that humans are just machines and "evil" people just have something wrong with their wiring (so to speak) is going to become more mainstream in the future and the religious inspired view that evil people need to be punished and treated with brutality, violence and cruelty will die off.


"What researchers are slowly beginning to find out is that there are plenty of psychopaths who never end up in prison and who even do good things for society, because they have been raised very differently from those who end up in prison - or who get away with it, maybe by being guarded by a wealthy family." Probably the latter in most cases- think of the psychopaths in the mask of sanity all of them came from middle or higher case families and who were -largely - protected by their wealthy and influential families . Even those who function in the society have very antisocial qualities for example Kevin Dutton interviewed a psychopath who was a top lawyer this psychopath would get the defendant on the witness box and literally destroy that persons life.

Anonymous said...

If they weren't antisocial af they wouldn't be psychopaths wouldn't they? I mean, when someone is not empathetic (emotional empathy in the sense that they do not feel what others are feeling just because they're feeling it) and less emotional than the norm, it doesn't mean you're a psychopath. It may mean that the person in question has some psychopathic traits and a similar genetic makeup. But a real psychopath is someone who belongs those 1% of the population if I'm correct(over 30 in the pclr for the US and 25 to a lot of european countries, I think).

Anonymous said...

Also, the lawyer example isn't a very good one. Isn't that what a lawyer who's there to win supposed to do (psychopathic or not)?

Anonymous said...

John Nutt
Should the "view that humans are just machines and 'evil' people just have something wrong with their wiring (so to speak) become more mainstream" there could be far reaching implications. Society has a tendency to want to 'fix' something they see as wrong. The pharmaceutical industry would probably see the chemical route as very lucrative, and there has already been speculation about genetic engineering in the future.
Hope you and the blog author do not find my interruption in your communication offensive.
Off to do some googling on Sam Harris.

Zhawq said...

Tom Arrow, Nov. 12. -15, 8:24 AM:

"Evil is bullshit.

But even if it were not, it would be hypocritical to not acknowledge that good needs evil to have something to fight and rub against."


BRAVO. I always love moments like these where someone hits the truth right on the nail. :)

"Have you seen the movie 13 Assassins, Zhawq?"

No, I wish I had. The way you describe it makes it one of the movies I hope to watch as soon as possible. I'll be sure to seek it up on Amazon the next time I have a little extra money and decide to buy a few movies. Thanks for the suggestion (I love movies). '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Fran Novwe, Nov. 12. -15, 12:03 PM

"Zhawq! Did I read this right? Are you currently in prison? Or a prison hospital ward?"

No no, I'm not in prison anymore. But I do understand your confusion because sometimes I get taken to a special prison ward for a few days or 1 or 2 weeks in order to participate in a psychopathy research program.

I was released from prison not long before I began writing this blog. It's been about 4 years or so. But I was released only on the condition that I agree to participate in that research program for as long as it lasted. There have been a couple of times when they said they wouldn't need my "help" anymore, but both times it turned out to be false. Some months later I was called back in. - However, it's been a long while now since I last had to participate, so it may actually be over now.

It is also in part thanks to these people that I keep this blog, for at some point in the beginning they saw the potential for gaining a different kind of information about psychopaths that they could study, so for a while they actually "blackmailed" me top keep writing by threatening to put me back in prison if I refused.

"Lousy sods! What is it? A civil commitment? For the "crime" of being yourself?"

In a sense you can say that a lot of what I have been put through is punishment for being myself. I'm not the only one who gets punished for being myself in this here country, it's standard procedure and by far the most get silenced quickly. Those who don't are made sure to live a very poor and problem filled life.

"I relate to most of what you said in your statement. Psychiatry is just a game when you get down to it."

It certainly can be, but it can also be a weapon that the state uses against those who won't conform and step in line.

"I was first "diagnosed" a psychopath by my best friend, another patient like me. I thought it made sense and caused bits of my personality to fall into place. Through the years, I have had more and more confirmation from life and professionals as well."

It's often how people find out, by somebody they know and trust first mentioning it, perhaps just in passing, but it makes you wonder. Then other things begin to happen that makes you wonder, and as time goes the puzzle finally becomes complete.

"I'm now 72 so my life is wrapping itself up nicely."

I would love to ask you how your life has been. Not in detail, of course, but how you feel about it, if you're satisfied and if you think you've done well. I would love to ask you questions about how your life has been, if you have family, children &/or grand children, how your upbringing was, and so on.

But I will leave that completely up to you. If you want to talk to me, send me an email (you'll find my email under 'Contact' at the top of the page).

Thank you for commenting, I wish you the very best ahead. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Ann / Luna, Nov. 12. -15, 3:36 PM

"Haha, I think you combined the posts because Pandora was the one before me, my name isn't that pretty unfortunately :( but you can call me Luna, it is my prettiest nickname!"

Both Ann and Luna are pretty if you ask me. Actually, I have a funny coincidence to tell you: I once gave a girl the nick Luna because her real name was impossible for me to pronounce. It stuck with her ever since.

"Thank you so much for your answers. They were thorough and they inspired me for my character."

I'm very glad to hear that, thank you for telling me.

"I will definitely email you if I have more questions (most likely over the next couple of months as I am writing). I think what you are doing is fantastic and very informative."

Thank you, and please do write me if you find it in your mind to do so or if you have questions.

So you're a writer? Then you know it isn't an easy thing to do well - syntax and grammar and story line consistency and all that, it takes a long time to become decent at it... Especially if you have Dyslexia coupled with a lot of private problems that threaten to drive you mad on a daily basis. But hopefully that isn't how it is in your case.

"All the best and thanks again for the wonderful post.
-Ann"


Thank you, and the very same to you. Good luck with your writing. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Pandora,

"how does it feel like to kill someone? thanks!"

I realized afterwards that I had mixed up your post with that of the other person. I hope you both understand that I am aware of this and I apologize.

As for your question about how it feels to kill... First of all I have learned that people experience it differently. To some people it's a great rush and they grow to love it. Some of these people become serial killers, but other elements are at work then, mentally psychologically.

For me I was surprised to find that I didn't feel much of anything. In fact, sometimes it's almost better to watch it in a movie because they have all the special effects and the music to enhance the effect... But when you stand there, just doing what must be done, it is a very mundane feeling if I can put it that way. - I have later found that I'm far from alone about feeling that way about it.

Then again, I've never been the type of person who enjoy to make others suffer for no reason at all. I need a reason for it to mean anything to me, otherwise it's just an act like most other acts. Maybe that plays a role in why I don't feel all these nasty things that we find depicted in movies and books, i.e.

I hope that answers your question. '^L^,

pandora

November 13, 2015 at 11:26 PM

Zhawq said...

Pandora, Nov. 14. -15, 1:16 AM:

"you mentioned that You lived in an orphanage, and i was wondering if that played a role in leading You to commit crimes."

No doubt that it did. Neglect and abuse are main reasons for psychopaths to become antisocial to a degree of violence and serious criminal activity.

The first three years of your life is where you learn to bond with people, or - if you're a psychopath - learn that people can bond with and love you. If you only experience neglect, deceit and abuse during those first years of your life where you experience everything on a subconscious level because you don't have any language (especially in orphanages you develop language very late because there's nobody to teach you), it will ingrained in you that human beings have to be manipulated into being kind to you, for if you give them any chance to hurt you, they will.

In my life this has been very much the case at least until I was somewhere in my late twenties and had both money and power. So yes, I was antisocial for many years, and in my youth I was very antisocial, criminal and violent.

"i am assuming that You Are eastern european."

From what I've been told I am at least half Eastern European but also have a lot of mixed blood from other continents, including USA. I was tested during the research project, but they refuse to let me see or know the results.

"the conditions of their orphanages in the 1960/70s were not great and Many Children were neglected or abused.

pandora :)"


Actually, the effect I describe above happens also in orphanages that are considered fairly humane. It's not so much a reaction to what is there as to what isn't there, though obviously a lot of abuse - like the in the orphanages of Romania - the effects are even worse.

"i wanted to know that if You werent brought to the orphanage, do You think You would have Not have engaged in antisocial behaviour?? Thanks."

From the little I know of my real mother, I don't think I would've become criminal and antisocial. I might still have been mildly antisocial as most psychopaths are, but it would've been to a degree that more or less remains within the norm - most of the time, anyway.

I would've been engaged in pro-social activities trying to make things better, on a global scale and on a local scale, I know because in spite of everything I tried to do this even under the circumstances I was really brought up under.

My antisocial behavior would typically have been mischievous, pranks and such. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon, Nov. 14. -15, 3:50 AM:

""Please bear with the slightly disordered form in which I am currently running the website"

What you write is worth waiting for so there is no problem complying with your above request.
As long as you carry on - in whatever way you are comfortable with."


Thank you for those words, Anon. It means a lot to me to hear - or see in writing - that my Readers understand that I have difficulties that sometimes make it hard to publish on a consistent basis. I would like nothing more than to write and post on a regular basis that you all could count on, but lately it has just not been possible. I still promise to do my best to not take too long in between each text.

And I still hope and aim to get back to a condition and state where I can publish articles f.ex. weekly or twice a week. This is my goal next to regaining my health and escaping this place so that I can actually accomplish this. '^L^,

John Nutt said...

o anonymous
"It may mean that the person in question has some psychopathic traits and a similar genetic makeup. But a real psychopath is someone who belongs those 1% of the population if I'm correct(over 30 in the pclr for the US and 25 to a lot of european countries, I think)." Yes I think that's probably right. In his interview with the psychopath contract killer Richard Kuklinski psychiatrist Dr. Park Dietz told Kuklinski his condition was caused by 2 main things 1)Was his genes which meant he was born as a naturally fearless person however being a naturally fearless person does not mean you will become a criminal (he mentions "the good guys" who are fearless and where being fearless is needed ). Law enforcement, bomb disposal, race car driver, special forces etc. however the other component is the Severe abuse kuklinski received from his parents which is what made him extremely antisocial.

"Isn't that what a lawyer who's there to win supposed to do (psychopathic or not)?" Yes it is that's why he is in that job he gets to destroy people and crush them in front of the entire court and the best thing is his behaviour is legal. So while he functions in the society he is still very much psychopathic - the only difference between him and a criminal psychopath is he uses his lack of conscience in an occupation where having psychopathic traits is rewarded. (Remember Ted Bundy would most probably have become a lawyer if he could have controlled his impulses to rape and kill women.)

"Society has a tendency to want to 'fix' something they see as wrong. The pharmaceutical industry would probably see the chemical route as very lucrative, and there has already been speculation about genetic engineering in the future." Their delusion is that humans (or "society") can control the reality, they can't. Everything you do, think, feel and desire is programmed into you not by society but by the universe (or what religious people would call "God") - even the thought of your own existence is programmed.

Zhawq said...

Dear Readers,

I need to take a pause now. But I hope to be back already later this night. Otherwise I'll be back to reply to the rest of the comments tomorrow.

I also have replies on previous articles that I look forward to replying to.

See ya'll soon. '^L^,

[tnk] | tnk@airmail.cc said...

Hello Zhawq. I normally don't feel compelled to comment on articles or blogs that I've read, but yours warrants an exception, I think. The stigma and skepticism at self-diagnosis is understandable to me, however I've always felt different (what little weight that carries), and after reading both your blog and many other sources, I know that I am a psychopath. I would just like to let you know that your writing, insight, and experience have been extremely influential and explanatory for me and that I really appreciate the effort you put into this blog.

I would like to ask a question though, and while the questions you get on a regular basis seem repetitive, I hope you find mine somewhat stimulating (if only to have an impact on someone else): I am constantly bored and have no determination or motivation. I am still young enough to alter the future of my life significantly; do you have any advice in what I should do? I am at a loss.

Thanks.

Tom Arrow said...

Zhawq,

I have had an interesting idea.

My spiritual mentor says that the stomach / gut is the seat of the soul. Hence, 'listen to your gut'.

People sometimes say that psychopaths have no soul.

So here is my simple question - without judging whether a soul is required: Do you feel strong emotions in your gut? Anger, for instance? Or how do you perceive those emotions? Do you feel them somatically at all?

Please satisfy my curiosity.

Best,
Tom

Anonymous said...

A lawyer is imo not meant to literally destroy someone’s life but rather to win the case.
During the Oscar Pistorius case it was chilling but intriguing to watch the prosecutor Gerrie Nel ‘questing’ one particular witness. He was more brutal than seemed necessary and the witness was being visibly crushed and stripped of his dignity. Although he must have been badly shaken and taken time to recover, this not the same as having one’s life literally destroyed.
The case was lost (appeal pending) but I don’t think destroying the life of a witness would have affected the result. Especially when taking into account the prominence of Oscar backed by an extremely influential and wealthy uncle. There seems to be a confusing ‘discrepancy’ between the evidence and the outcome of such cases, and that of O J Simpson.

Zhawq said...

Dear Readers, I regret that I haven't written anything or made my thoughts or intentions known to you these past days, but I found I had some things I needed to think through before I continue my work with Psychopathic Writings.

I'll reply to comments very soon, hopefully already tomorrow - or the next day at the latest. If for some reason I'll need more time, I promise to leave a message here and explain why if I can.

Until then... Stay strong and be well. '^L^,

Anonymous said...

It confuses me why it is taking so much thought to reach a decision on whether or not continuing with this blog will serve a useful purpose for you.
No matter what, I must respectfully thank you for the insight I needed and found in the weeks I spent reading your posts, and will be watching out for your book if you succeed in ‘getting it out there’.
I cannot find it in my heart to wish you anything other than well.

Anonymous said...

Of course one would have to be selective in choosing what to be true and real about.

Zhawq said...

Anon, Nov. 21. -15, 1:44 AM

"It confuses me why it is taking so much thought to reach a decision on whether or not continuing with this blog will serve a useful purpose for you."

Who says I'm thinking about continuing the blog and whether it's useful for me? That's a misunderstanding.

"No matter what, I must respectfully thank you for the insight I needed and found in the weeks I spent reading your posts, and will be watching out for your book if you succeed in ‘getting it out there’.
I cannot find it in my heart to wish you anything other than well."


Thank you, my friend, and likewise. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon, Nov. 24. -15, 12:59 AM

"Of course one would have to be selective in choosing what to be true and real about."

The only thing I have to decide is what to tell and what not to tell. I don't choose whether to be truthful and real or not, I have vowed to be honest and truthful in everything I put out here, and I stand to my decision.

But offline is another matter, of course. It's ironic that in real life I can often not afford to be honest while here I can. '^L^,

Anonymous said...

It's basically dissociatoin from pain, isnt it ?

And when that happened, the split tween emotions and intellect, it does become easier to "Rationalize" desires, lusts, instincts.

Somewhere down the life's path, that dissociation took place. I think one may have to go back to that time, to those emotions. But it is a lof of pain, doing so, all alone, with all to lose and already considered an outcast of society. Not many carrrots left, apart from on the personal level. Societies tend to make it even more difficult. One has to wonder, who is the biggest narcissist. :)

R.B

Anonymous said...

I think God would be a potential psychopath. Probably more just schizoid.

Low on fear, High on rationality. The major difference is Contruction vs Destruction, as the reason for that "emotional kick". So just behave ;)

R.B.

Anonymous said...

No one (of the officials), is counting your pro-social behavior, unless you make them publically announced, as the leftis "do-gooders" surely do.

But you have probably a fair memory of both types. Figure out what makes you act anti-socially and what gives you the kick of acting pro-socially, I'd guess you would probably, on a behavior level, be cured. On a personal emotional level, I'd guess you must dig deeper into yourself, back to the orphan age and "lost" shitty memories.

R.B.

Zhawq said...

John Nutt,

just reading through the comments again trying to find one that I wanted to catch more up on, but then I saw the first words in your comment and I don't recall if I responded to them, but in case I didn't, here it is, my response to your words:

""Being a psychopath basically just means you have stunted or absent capacities to feel empathy love and/or remorse"

Yep, you said it, that's all it really is. And you can add to that that all people have various levels of capacity or lack of capacity for one or more of these emotions.

Most people may have the capacity to love, yet we don't see much love these days, the times make it difficult for love to thrive. As Robert Hare - whom I owe much to my own understanding of how normal people look at psychopaths, but whom I must say have been surpassed in the recently acquired knowledge of our kind - says...

[paraphrasing]: "Society today, and especially the way we make our living, country between country and therefore in each business company - is very much like the way psychopaths act. You could say normative society is behaving more and more like psychopaths, even though they aren't psychopaths, and the individual as well as society suffers under this development."

Zhawq said...

Tom Arrow, Nov. 18. -15, 5:30 AM

I think I somehow forgot to reply to your post though I remember making a note to self that I would do so. Maybe I did, only you would know at this time.

Anyway, here's my reply as it looks now... First your comment:

"I have had an interesting idea.

My spiritual mentor says that the stomach / gut is the seat of the soul. Hence, 'listen to your gut'.

People sometimes say that psychopaths have no soul.

So here is my simple question - without judging whether a soul is required: Do you feel strong emotions in your gut? Anger, for instance? Or how do you perceive those emotions? Do you feel them somatically at all?

Please satisfy my curiosity.

Best,
Tom"


I know of that 'spiritual line' very well, I was introduced to it when I was in my mid teens or so, the time when I became more interested int eh spiritual than ever - an interest that has stayed with me to this day (and at times limited my income....incomes I could've done VERY well with having in my bank right now; that is, I do have a small fortune, small, but big enough to end the physical problems and threats to my life that I've been experiencing over the past couple of years, but ironically I can't get to that money, it's frozen on accounts overseas and I can't touch them for as long as I'm here).

Anyway, my thought on what you ask about: Yes, I have always have that gut feeling of a Self that is me. I don't feel there's an entity outside of me which is my real soul, or something like that, I think it is something that is with me always, but lately as I've been deteriorating I find it harder than before to ... how can I say it... harder to feel "at one"with myself, it's like I've been forced into being something i am not, physically that is. But for me physique and spirit are two sides of the same 'coin' so to speak, to sides of the same thing. I'm not sure one would exist without the other, in fact I think the uniqueness of being a sentient species called Human Being is that we have both sides And are aware of them, are conscious about time and self as opposed to surroundings and other times than the Now.

I hope that makes sense to you. '^L^,

Tom Arrow said...

Thanks for your answer, Zhawq.

"And are aware of them, are conscious about time and self as opposed to surroundings and other times than the Now."

Indeed. The more I meditate, the more I reach just that state. You know, I have had this thought that psychopaths may be those who were meditating monks in past lives and had 'lost' all that fear and shame and guilt. Somebody wrote to me about some Buddhist practioner who finds on his journey an injured child or something. He lets himself feel a bit compassion, leaves a little food with him and then moves on without thinking back. Absolute mindfulness. I have, in the past weeks, been meditating a lot about rape - my own and some I fantasized about - and by resolving the shame and guilt around these thoughts, I have become just ... aware. The things just are, but no longer compel me strongly either way. Now people may come and scream 'Oh my god, rape', but I would likely just feel neither way about it. Truly fascinating. But with that awareness, I actually lost all desire to commit any such thing.

I can imagine that a lot further down that line, one reaches some form of absolute consciousness where all that shit does not matter anymore and other people and what they think truly becomes totally irrelevant. Have you ever wondered what you were in your past lives? How you came to be what / who you are? What shaped you?

I can kinda empathize with that conflict you feel about the self. I am going the opposite path right now. I actually never felt a clear sense of self. But as the mist is clearing, I am becoming very aware of my sense of self. Maybe what I had felt was truly just an 'old' sense of an innocent self that no longer applies to who I am and thus to regain a stable sense of self, I need to accept who I have become. Maybe this is also something worth contemplating for you? Not necessarily to 'let go' of your needs, as you have described it, but to become one with the current state of being you are in - without implying that it has to be permanent. But often in meditation, the way past pains is to accept that they are permanent. And once they are accepted as permanent, they vanish and you can actually work on them and realize that it was not so much the FACT that they are permanent but the FEAR that they MAY be that needed resolution.

Take care.

John Nutt said...

Hello Zhawq, thank you for taking your time to respond to my comment.

""Being a psychopath basically just means you have stunted or absent capacities to feel empathy love and/or remorse"

"Yep, you said it, that's all it really is. And you can add to that that all people have various levels of capacity or lack of capacity for one or more of these emotions." In my view empathy is not an emotion, it is a cognitive ability of observing what an other person is thinking and experiencing. This also ( on its own) is not compassion, also it may lead to it.

"Most people may have the capacity to love, yet we don't see much love these days, the times make it difficult for love to thrive. As Robert Hare - whom I owe much to my own understanding of how normal people look at psychopaths, but whom I must say have been surpassed in the recently acquired knowledge of our kind - says..."

[paraphrasing]: "Society today, and especially the way we make our living, country between country and therefore in each business company - is very much like the way psychopaths act. You could say normative society is behaving more and more like psychopaths, even though they aren't psychopaths, and the individual as well as society suffers under this development."

Most people (as in at least 99.999% of people) have very little, if any conscience or what is called humanity. They think only about their food, money, sex, shelter, offspring, and sleep. In other words they are just animals driven by their animal instincts. They don't have any creative and original thoughts nor any compassion for their fellow man.

Zhawq said...

R.B.:

"I think God would be a potential psychopath. Probably more just schizoid.

Low on fear, High on rationality. The major difference is Contruction vs Destruction, as the reason for that "emotional kick". So just behave ;)"


Lol. Good point. It would certainly have to be schizoid since we never hear from him.

"No one (of the officials), is counting your pro-social behavior, unless you make them publically announced, as the leftis "do-gooders" surely do."

Very true. But everything is so organized here, I would have to become member of organizations - I've already checked, and it costs!! - and I wouldn't be able to come to their meetings because I can't afford to drive forth and back in a cab all the time. I hardly have access to food these days because I live in an area without stores.

"But you have probably a fair memory of both types. Figure out what makes you act anti-socially and what gives you the kick of acting pro-socially, I'd guess you would probably, on a behavior level, be cured. On a personal emotional level, I'd guess you must dig deeper into yourself, back to the orphan age and "lost" shitty memories."

The thing is, R.B., these days I do not act antisocially and haven't for about two years or so, and everybody knows it. I sometimes suspect they keep me in this state because they think I Will act antisocially if they help me become capable of making myself a normal, pro-social living by giving me surgery.

The people in this country do NEVER forgive, and it hardly matters what you have done. A small mistake against someone and they'll never speak to you again. And it doesn't matter if you make up for it and apologize, that'll just make them spread the word: "Look, he even admits it!" - which is probably why they themselves never admit to any wrongdoing. At least that is my experience with this country.

Zhawq said...

John Nutt at Nov. 17. -15, 9:42 AM,

I just want to give you a word of appreciation for everything you wrote in this comment. So spot on. '^L^,

Anonymous said...

Maybe "they" want you to be in pain. The negative spirits that run some people. Pain is disturbance. Then you add drugs to that too. Your head does no longer focus on what matters. You become involuntarily deluted and egocentrical. So much, that you fail to focus on the external world. All the "grid of bullshit".

Maybe the ufology is a better allergory to your case. Some spirits were sent down, or aliens, according to them, with higher abilities, or more dimensions, as they say. Those were their "defense". But you failed in a way and became a "fallen angel", one could say. Your defense failed. But why all the shit ? Because resistance makes you stronger, while at the same time, you have seen the deficits of the so called "great glorious system ruling the world". Of course many out there, would prefer that you instead focus on your knee and the physical pain. Try to medidate it away.

Maybe... Your Jim Morrison ? And you ain't dead yet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agyRTBq_1mE

Azrael ;-)

Anonymous said...

They are Maquinas..

Imagine artificial intellignece. 200 hundred years from now. Imagine God has become a computer. Then he finds some "ancient" library. "What is this", he wonders. God is just 1 of many "persons" or "Maquinas" in that society. He creates a video game. Calls it "civilization". Starts to play. Since he has been turned into an android, by medicines, by technology, by mobile phones, by societies that prohibits any type of emotions, God doesnt really think life is "funny".

So he plays the game and notice that things and people, in that game, are actually doing something. They cry, they laugh and they seem to act without anyone telling them to do so (no program needed). It looks very pleasing to "God".

Emotions, the holy grail. The lost treasure. In that future society. And maybe we actually are the simulations of that society. "Where did it go wrong ?" scientists in teh future ask themselves. And of course, to us, the answer is obvous: Emotions and Intellect and Spirituality. The fear mongers, who lacked spirituality, let their intellects decide what was good and what was bad. So therefore, emotions died out to.. And now, in the future, they have become little more than maquinas.

Don't kill yourself emotionally, but behave though, I mean according to laws.

It's the fucking Scotland's Shame (Scotland, the country of resistance. And that emotional resistance is even dying there).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8OUKzlbFPY

Attack the Kundalini (sexual abuse), and people are "robotized" from young age. Psick !

Anonymous said...

.....

And the kids that do not become "robotized", as in machines-opted-for-scholarships-and-the-bullshit-grid, do most often become overly emotional. Anger, wrath and envy. To a level that they do become dangerous. Like the radical feminist, the radical religous and such. So it becomes Black and White first. Then Black Vs White. And black = emotions while white = intellect. And of course science outkills, some tribe maniacs with manchete. And the final is ?

Only intellect, and maybe an occasional spirituality survive. So the computer-geek version of God, may very well be a real smart future man, with some spirituality left in him.

Think about it, and preserve what is left in you of constructive and positive emotionality.

Right now, the autoplay turned on this tune: "Mogwai fear Satan!".. Coincidence ?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgDQN2qls9c

Anonymous said...

.... and after all the bullshit.. the sad fact remains...

It may never even have been intentionally, this grid of bullshit.. When spirituality dies, then all that is left is here and now. So people just wanted to prolong their "here and now" as long as possible, while grabbing as much as possible they could get. Egotism. Which again is Self-Annihilation, unconsciously. Or as a former preacher said: "Forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing"..

Weird isnt it ? Weird World.

Anonymous said...

God is an INTP from the future, trying to recreate the past and undo what went wrong. The loss of emotions. The "Maquina" society. It all started some million years back here at earth (probably). Now God has found some "ancient" books in "heaven" and redo the developmental process. Maybe all "God" is using, is his consciuosness (spirituality) and intellect (brain). Think of the universe as the brain, and what drives the universe, as the consciousness.

And look at the world right now. Two fractions:
1. Emotional (muslims)
2. Intellects (americans)

2 "hates" emotions and only desire "slaves".

Both sides are retarded and lack spirituality "Mindfullness". They are both "Mindless". Some of group 2, have some emotions left, but it is basically "fear". Fear of dying. Think of Robert Hare and his nervousness.

So people need to become more mindful. That will allow both the emotional and intellectual aspects to work together. And the future will be recreated, or as some say "Kingdom Come".


Micah ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hi again Zhawk..

An "idea" came to me.. You say you have now changed. Assuming it is so.

Then from what ? Sounds as from zero empathy. Or Reptilian.

Was it always like that ? If not, why did it change ? Selective empathy. Too much can turn off a lot of stuff. Too little, will never start it (right Tom ?)

Say, there is an "alien war". What trait destroys most wars ? Empathy. Calling it a sort of "holy grail".

Maybe we are put here on earth, to describe how it is destroyed, how it is awaken, how it can be turned on and off.

These processes. Because, they will prevent war and extinction. Personal life because if a person cannot percieve much emotions, there really isnt much too life in this Matrix, but materialism. And materialism is self-annihilating, when overdone.
So it is also at societal level, an important trait. En even maybe on a galactic level.


Please do write some more about that process-change of yours.

RB

MarigoldRan said...

Emotional memory and alexithymia. Look it up. Worth your time, I think.

As a person with almost NO emotional memory, I can relate. If you can't remember remorse, what's the point of stewing about it? Things simply happen. A person with no emotional memory can get angry or upset, but that anger has no effect on their long term behavior.