Thursday, November 5, 2015

Psychopathic Ruled Countries.


A Reader wrote the following:
If your problem is spinal, don't operate it. That can screw up your situation even more. If you can say more about your situation I could try to do something to help you. Nobody deserves torture, not even worst torturers
This is my reply which I have chosen to publish as an article because I've considered writing about it for some time yet never got around to doing it. Well here it is...

t's nothing as complicated as spine surgery. In fact it is about a routine surgery: A knee implant. It may be too late for that because I've been left with a stiff leg that is shorter than the other (because the knee was removed), but there's also the possibility of an amputation and a prosthesis. But they won't do neither despite it has crippled me, and not only my leg, but my back especially.

The first years I kept walking and could walk so nobody noticed I didn't have a knee or that I had a stiff leg - as long as I didn't try to sit down, of course, which again meant I was limited in my social interactions (when you can't used people's rest room because you can't close the door, and the same is the case with public places such as restaurants etc., and you can't sit normally so you take up room for two people and have everybody present stare at you and the people you're with, because it's unheard of that somebody doesn't get treatment - especially treatment of such a simple nature as this.

Wanna know why I ended up this way? I contracted a small infection - small at first, from a tick (but I didn't know that's what caused it). My physician took some tests but couldn't figure out what kid of infection it was and gave up. When I asked him for a reference to get a second opinion from a hospital or a specialist, he refused to do so. I even had an official present who was there to ensure I got my rights respected, but all he said was: "I have never heard a doctor deny their patient a reference to a specialist when they themselves couldn't find out what's wrong". And that was that.

I went for a year with this condition getting worse and worse. While the infection itself started at the upper thigh near the hip, it ended up inside my knee, and after a year I lost consciousness while walking on the street - which is lucky because otherwise I would've died.

When I awoke they had removed my knee and meant to replace it, but the surgeon who had done the surgery was suddenly transferred to a different hospital, and the one who took his place for some reason didn't like me. I was otherwise very much liked on the whole ward. But this new surgeon, when he found two wallets on a newly arrived drug addict who had stolen them from other patients, but claimed I had stolen them and then given them to him (an absurd story).

If the surgeon had only asked the patients and the staff about what kind of patient I was he would've been told was out of the question that I would ever steal anything from anybody at the hospital, but he didn't ask anybody, he just released me without a surgery, saying I could get it at any other hospital.

I believe him, but it turned out to be a lie.

I have applied for surgery 4 times, and each time the denials have become more mean, actually ridiculing me. The first time I was told I wasn't in enough pain yet. The last time, after having described how it had ruined my social life completely, I was told I just needed to be more social. It was just a way of being mean to me, I know because I was there and I know how to tell when people are being deliberately mean.

In this country there's nothing anybody can do. The population is completely in the pockets of those who have a bit of power. As I have tried to explain before, they do NOT care about Human Rights nor Civil Rights.

I can do only one thing: Get away from here, but it is becoming more and more difficult the worse my health is getting.

The problem I often face when I talk to people from other countries is that they can't imagine that things really are this bad, they think I'm exaggerating or maybe even crazy due to the many nice things that's been said about the country. Most people haven't the slightest clue how inhuman this place, this small country really is.

A few facts:

  • They have the highest number of socially isolated and so called lonely people in the world
  • They have the highest use of alcohol which starts around age 12 with the aid of the parents.
  • They have one of the highest annual suicide numbers in the world and have had so for many, many years.
  • They  are the only country who keeps record registrations of ALL internet activity and ALL phone activity taking place by it's population.
  • They're the only country who diagnose people as psychopaths if they have a score on the PCL-R as low as 18. (Think about what that means: It means conformity on a scale not seen anywhere else in the world - except for perhaps Nazi Germany).
  • They have the highest number of citizens committed to psychiatric institution.
  • They have the highest number of citizens of psypharmaca (Zoloft being the mildest).
  • They have the highest taxes PLUS the highest number of the highest various individual fees PLUS the highest VAT in the world.
  • They have the highest number of laws in the world - so high that those who administrate them don't know what's legal and what isn't.
  • They make the highest number of new laws - 7 new laws every day - in the world (to compare, The US makes 4 new laws a week).
  • They are considered one of the two most racist nations in the world.
  • They are - to my knowledge - the only country in the world who has disarmed their population to the point where a woman can't use a deodorant in place of a pepper spray (which is illegal) to defend herself.

Ca. 4 years ago I found all these statistics and more by using Google Search. About 2 years ago all these statistics had suddenly been altered and can clearly no longer be trusted. This country has realized the importance of information spread via the internet and now has people paid to replace fact with fiction in order to make themselves look good and normal.

Sometimes it makes you wonder who's acting like psychopaths are automatically said to do and who's genuinely trying to make things better.

53 comments:

Tom Arrow said...

Smells like bullshit to me.

Why do you not simply go to another place to get your surgery? Why do you need to be referred?

Why do you as a psychopath worry about people being mean?

What country are you talking about? With archive.org, you can look up old versions of websites, if statistics were indeed falsified.

What reason can you have to not say the name of the country?

When I read this, I wonder: Who would make this up? Thus it must be true. On the other hand, it means nothing.

Apologies if it is indeed true, but you are just leaving open too many questions to be believable.

Anonymous said...

What country is this?

Anonymous said...

Sounds a lot Like sweden...... Or north Korea......

Anonymous said...

Sounds like Denmark.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Alterego said...

You are so full of shit, Zwaaq. This entire post reeks with the stench of your characteristic inadequacy. Even after all these years, you're still whining about your purported mistreatment, spinning the same stale old tales, and blaming others for your problems. Pathetic.

"The last time, after having described how it had ruined my social life completely, I was told I just needed to be more social. It was just a way of being mean to me, I know because I was there and I know how to tell when people are being deliberately mean."

Waaanh waanh waaanh. Wtf? As if a psychopath would be so weak as to whine about people being "mean" to him. As if a surgeon with a busy schedule would single out such an ordinary fatass to hate on so randomly. Seems much more in keeping with the rich imaginary landscape of an obese shut-in living in Fantasyland, to me. :P

I'll tell you what ruined your social life, you sorry sack. Sitting around in your basement, stuffing yourself with candy bars, soft drinks, and chips, and playing pretend because you don't have the balls to face yourself as you really are. Your complaints about ailments comprise a kernel of truth- but only because you cannot help but wallow in self-pity, and whimper like an injured, beaten dog. These self-indulgent pity parties are the only authentic things about you.

You're not a psychopath, Zwaaq. You're a simpering, sorry victim. And you certainly aren't fooling me.

Bet you won't publish this, coward. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi again Zhawq
Re your tweeted quote, have you read his book "The Profit"? Probably not as it would not be to the taste of a Psychopath, but here is a quote from the book I thought you might like:

“I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.” ― Kahlil Gibran

Bye for now - and keep strong

Zhawq said...

Tom Arrow wrote:

"Why do you not simply go to another place to get your surgery?"

I've been to all the places there are but was sent back to the same hospital every time, the hospital in my part of town.

I even saved up and went to another hospital located in a Far Eastern country. At the time I was so plagued with pain that I had to accept large doses of pain killers in order to function. The surgeon sent me his handwritten signature that he promised I would receive this medication while I was in treatment.

But when I arrived he suddenly changed the tune. Told me the medicine I needed was unavailable in his country, so he had found a substitution which he gave me instead. I became so ill he couldn't proceed with the surgery - which I now know he knew from the beginning - and he put me on a plane back to the country I had come from (which was also not the plan).

Later I found out via research that the medicine he gave me as a substitute was so weak that there was no way it could've made up for the large doses I had become accustomed to.

On that account I lost all my savings that I'd made since my release from prison.

So don't tell me I can just go "somewhere else", because I done't have any money to pay for treatment somewhere else, and for as far as "somewhere else" is within this country, I already have sought them all out, as I mention above.

With regard to your reaction, that what I have described is all bullshit (a lie), this is exactly the reaction my country and it's authorities know most people will have. You just don't see people in modern day being denied something as simple as a knee transplant and being left to grow more and more ill as a result of not being able to keep themselves healthy and agile.

In fact, they count on people to react almost like you do though not entirely. They count people on flat out refusing to believe a word I'm saying, while you at least keep open the possibility that I just might be telling the truth.

Thank you for at least giving me the benefit of the doubt.

Zhawq said...

Tom Arrow,

addition: I choose not to tell within which country I'm stuck because there are a whole list of possible consequences, various in form, cause and intent, that I might face if I do so. For now I consider it safest to not say where I reside.

Zhawq said...

Anon Nov 6 -15, 7:57 PM:

"Sounds a lot Like sweden...... Or north Korea......"

I have the same associations, especially after watching several documentaries that show how people live and what overall mentality and sense of self and nationality you can read in their faces, their mannerism and how they generally carry themselves.

I've realized that there's something very alike in the way the people of North Korea and the country where I live are kept completely in the dark and have their head, their ass and toes censored, regulated, ruled and registered in every detail.

One thing that stands very much out about this country is that the government really don't trust the people. They consider it necessary to keep them on a very tight lease in order to ...uphold order ('Order' being their favorite and in later years the most used word(1*)). No wonder this people suffer from a nationally pervasive depression and alcoholism.

Sweden, however, is a lot larger than this little state which in the US has at least one equivalent, a small county, but it doesn't have the rights to keep citizens from following their own dreams and moving away, and nor do they have the right to take their citizens last cent and decide for that individuals what use it will go to. As always happens, attempts have been made anyway, but in the US you have something called Human Rights, and even if you have no money, if you Do have a good case you can always find a good lawyer who will help you. And in each case that I know of where attempts to overstep the boundaries of what they had rights to do without the consent of one of their dwellers, those who held prime responsibility, as well as their helpers, were brought to justice.

Here this would never happen, because here those who have been subjected to abuse by the authorities where they live, are always by definition in the wrong, and besides guilty of all sorts of things that the local authorities may think up. You are guilty until proven innocent, and no lawyer steps forth to run your case because they know it's a lost cause since there really are no Civil Rights and Human Rights around here.

.........
(1*) An example of the use of the word 'order': In TV commercials it is used all the time, and one current commercial that tries to sell cell phones a male voice says with authority, like a kind and also stern father, but who knows best: "Talk orderly!". It is noteworthy that they don't choose a word like "nice" (talk nice) or "kind", i.e., it has to be the word 'orderly'. - When you've lived here and been an outsider looking in, as well as being Made an outsider not Allowed in, you start to notice many little things - and big ones as it may be - and something like the use of this word in a commercial speaks volumes about the values that this nation holds dear and consider one of their particularly noble values.

Zhawq said...

Anon Nov, 6. -15, 8:01 PM

"Sounds like Denmark."

I have been to Denmark, and I agree, that is the country that fits best with what I have learned and with how things function where I'm living now.

My best friend, a female psychologist whom I met while still in prison, has died at a young age, apparently for no reason - that I can detect, anyway. She wasn't depressed and looked forward to joining me in the US where I was at the time, hoping to build myself a new life.

But I lost not only her while I was there, I also lost the perhaps most intriguing women I have ever met and with whom I was about to build some form of consensual but very exiting relationship.

One of these women died - for no apparent reason that I can see (and I'm not allowed to view any of her last written notes and mails to me) - the other no longer believes in me and has moved on.

I myself was subtly, and in ways that triggered Amnesty International as well as a few local psychiatrists to write protest letters about the treatment the authorities were putting me through... I should've died. When I didn't, they did the same thing all over again!... And AGAIN I didn't die. :)

But then followed the molesting of my small apartment and all the displays of the power the authorities had to ignore every single Human &/or Civil Right that I possess.

I have been in correspondence with two Danes who tell me their rights too are being ignored as well as how attempts are made to make them loose hope and the will to live. - One is an Autistic male with antisocial traits and OCD that causes him to keep writing complaint letters to the government. The other is a woman who lost her child because she was deemed unfit to be a parent when she refused to put her child in an institution for daycare 8 hours every day.

So I'd say I can see the similarities.

But can I ask how you know all this about that country? - Of course I know that if you live there it seems like a given that you'd know these things, but most people who live under such circumstances do NOT know any of this - they can't afford to know because it would force them to question the values they've build their self view as good and decent people upon. Do you see what I mean?

To date I have only seen a written text by a Dane that showed he knew everything that I have said and he was bitter and angry but hopefully moved away to a freer country that gives room to change your life if you want to.

Zhawq said...

Alterego,

is that what you call yourself these days - or when you visit my blog?

Why don't you give up, UKan, I simply won't use energy on talking to someone who has made up his mind even before he read my texts and who clearly hasn't a clue about what I'm talking.

So give up, already... or not, it really doesn't matter. *Yawn*

Zhawq said...

Anon Nov. 8 -15, 3:49 AM,

"Re your tweeted quote, have you read his book "The Profit"? Probably not as it would not be to the taste of a Psychopath, but ..."

The name seems familiar, but then again, there are many titles with that word in them and many writings about that subject.
As for what would appeal to a psychopath and what wouldn't, it differs - though of course there tends to be some level of likeness.

"... here is a quote from the book I thought you might like:

“I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.” ― Kahlil Gibran"


That's an interesting perspective. Of course it's all true, but it depends on how you view the world and reality as such if you can allow such a mechanism to take root in your psyche and govern your thoughts and actions. Personally I see it as a psychological rule set that only a weak person can live with... That is, 'weak' in the sense of not being aristocratic, gifted intellectually, and maybe a bit psychopathic in the sense that he would have to defy any fears and worries that might follow from the decision and thoughts surrounding actually leaving his formalist mainstream existence and search deeper, higher, and wider, for things beyond his immediate awareness and inherited mish-mash of knowledge, superstition and prejudice.

I don't know if my response to your quote makes any sense. If not, d not hesitate to ask me more in depth about what I meant.

"Bye for now - and keep strong"

Bye to you too, for now... And thanks for your supportive words of reinforcing my reserve, I will do my utmost to get back to the strength I knew, if perhaps in a slightly different form. '^L^,

Tom Arrow said...

Zhawq, thanks for your reply.

I choose to doubt because I would be untrue to myself if I decided to simply believe you. You are just a text on the internet. If I knew you in real life and saw your condition, I am quite convinced that I would be inclined to believe you.

In cases where I can have no certainty, I like to keep an open mind.

Yes, you expressed that kind of bullshit that people believe. And yet, that would be a great way to manipulate me into not wanting to be seen as 'a sheep', because sheep are despicable. But I can not deny that my initial reaction is simply that - I would be betraying myself.

It intrigues me, though. I wish - as with so many others on the internet - that I had the opportunity to simply go on a beer with you and come to my own conclusions.

If what you say is true, your problem is indeed a really nasty one. And the paradox of the problem is that even if you voice it, it does not cease to be a problem, unless you depend on very weak-minded people. That is, even though you make it clear that people want to make you look like a liar, you do not automatically seem absolutely truthful.

Interesting problem, in any case. Wish you the best, whatever the truth may be.

Anonymous said...

You're from iceland, right? (Im sorry i have to ASK this, But i am just really damn Curious to know where you're from)

Zhawq said...

Anon Nov. 8. -15, 7:04 PM - (Part 1) :

"You're from iceland, right? (Im sorry i have to ASK this, But i am just really damn Curious to know where you're from)"

I can tell you that I know Iceland is not a small or tiny country, but it has a very small population... something about 36.000 individuals, am I right?

Either way, as I have said many times by now, I can't tell you where I am from. I have given a lot of clues - something which perhaps wasn't very wise of me, but I did it because it's not only you, my Readers, who want to know where I'm at, I have a strong impulse to tell you because I'd really just love to get everything out in the open so there were no gray areas that couldn't be backed up with some kind of proof. And after all, I can't afford to forget that you all know I have a diagnosis that labels me as a psychopath wherefore you will naturally be less likely to believe what I'm telling you.

However, this will be the last comment of this type that I publish - that is comments that only poses a question about where I live or what nationality I have. I choose to stop it now because to let it continue will only serve to encourage speculation and further questions that I must refuse to answer, and it can't lead to anything good in the long term.

I will therefore ask of you all to please wait until my situation is such that I consider it safe for me to reveal where I live and where I'm originally from. It's only a matter of time before I can tell you, and I want to tell you, I intensely dislike secrecy but mostly when it only has the purpose of keeping people uninformed so that they are less prepared and able to withstand misdirected and false information the purpose of which is only to keep the powerful in complete power and keep the people completely in the grip of what they tell them to think, believe, do, and choose as their set of basic values... Values which are subject to instant change if it suits those who rule.

Zhawq said...

Anon Nov. 8. -15, 7:04 PM - (Part 2):

As most of my - at least long term - Readers know very well by now, this is not what I stand for or want to help maintain. I cannot at this time in history do anything to aid in sowing seeds that may bring about future changes, and therefore I very early understood that I had to leave if I would hope to be of any positive use for the world, particularly the Western Industrialized societies since this is where I've lived most of my life.

But only the future will tell which direction my activity is going to take - for as far as I'll be able to take any direction at all, of course (ref. my medical/surgery situation.

I hope - and I know - that most of you will understand why I make the decision to not publish any future comments which ask me about my location of residence over these past 13-14 years.

That is, if your comment also includes different, but useful and interesting content, be it questions about other aspects of my life, my thoughts or ideas and opinions, or questions about specific psychological or to some degree clinical questions about psychopathy and related (= Cluster B) conditions, I have no reason but to post those parts. - I will have to copy-paste these comments and post them under the name Zhawq, but I promise to make sure that your credentials get mentioned and are emphasized so that nobody can be in doubt about who wrote what.

So don't hold back with asking me questions other than such which can jeopardize my freedom and/or safety. Some of you doubt my honesty on this matter, but until I can tell you more specifically why I do what I do - as well as give you the information that you understandably have come to want to know - you will have to take my word for it.

Here's a question from me to you:
What is your real first name? - Why do you choose to use the term anonymous? My guess would be that you do this in order to protect yourself, and I would respect this decision even if I didn't understand it. Maybe you (and others) can, and will, do the same with my country of current residence. It would mean a lot to me.

Until next time, Anon... '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Tom Arrow, Nov. 8. -15 - 4:07 PM:

"Thanks for your reply"

You're welcome. I would love to, and try to, reply to everybody, but as things are these days I do not succeed. Maybe I will at some point.

You know, I actually meant to reply sooner, but your response gave me cause for hesitation because I needed to process what your reply really entails. But I keep finding myself derailing and ending up with long texts unsuited for a comment.

You must have me excused, I have to do some more thinking, because... I think I may have failed what I tried to do here, and I need a little time to let it sink in that I may be even more profoundly alone with my problem than I hoped.

Let me say this: I too wish we could go and grab a bear. Maybe some day?

What's more... Maybe I shouldn't, but here goes: Write me a mail and I just may have the necessary proofs to show that what I've told you all is indeed true.

Anonymous said...

i am so sorry that i had to ask that question. but sometimes, i just get really curious, and that just impairs my judgment. i just didnt think about the fact that you risk your safety/freedom. i really am sorry. maybe next time i wont be so annoying?? and, sorry for the bad english, english is not my first language.

pandora (Yes, that is my real name)

Anonymous said...

This is unrelated to this specific post, but I am not sure there is another way to post you a question :P .

Firstly, I am sorry to hear about your knee/leg/back :( I hope you do find a solution somehow. I am sure you will keep us posted. Your blog has been great and I have been learning a lot!

I am wondering if you would be willing to answer some specific questions...

because I am writing a screenplay. It is a dark comedy. However, it is more generally a piece on mental illness, and more importantly, one that I hope will aid in fighting the stigma that many disorders carry with them.

One of my characters is a psychopath and I am really trying to understand it better. Also I do not wish for her to come off as a 'bad' person, but rather quite functional and normal (aside from the obvious and very real differences in empathy, emotions, and so on.)

I know some of these questions are answered in previous posts, but I would like to go into depth on these specific points, so I will ask from scratch. Please feel free to answer or ignore (although it would be soooo helpful if you could answer!!).

1) If you have ever committed a crime, what was your main motivation to do so? If you haven't, what was your motivation not to do so?

2) How did you 'feel' or what did you 'think' when you were diagnosed, or realized you were a psychopath?

3) Have you ever considered getting help? If so, why? If so, has it worked?

4) What are your personal struggles if you feel you have them? Do you enjoy being a psychopath, or would you rather change? Or do you change only because you feel like you have to?

5) Do you ever feel stigmatized or unfairly treated or portrayed in the media?

6) Do you have someone you would consider your best friend? How would you define this relationship? Would you miss them, would you feel something if they were disappointed in you or if they left?

THANK YOU!

Alterego said...

LOL. We are similar in some ways, but I'm not Ukan... Just another person who sees you as you are.

Truthteller said...

This mysterious country is finland i reckognized it becouse i live here too. I think stuff that zhawq writes is mostly false and rest is wildly exaggerated.

Tom Arrow said...

Wrote cha!

Anonymous said...

Truthgeller
At present he seems to be having a problem dealing the anger and frustration of not being able to change his current situation. But if you randomly read some of the posts over the entire time he has kept this blog in an analytical and logical manner, you will find a strong thread of consistency in his descriptions of the inner workings of the mind of a psychopath. And was the purpose he gave for starting this blog – to enlighten.
He has a valid point that if a psychopath understands the reasons behind his actions he has a better chance of modifying his behavior to achieve his gratifications in a less harmful way without sacrificing his self-serving nature.
And for an NT (of which I a highly empathetic one) this knowledge is of vital importance in helping us protect ourselves and come to terms with a confusing and hurtful encounter we may have experienced. It did so for me and although the hurt will stay with me forever, at least I am no longer so confused.
So my conclusion is that what Zhawq is doing is worthwhile.

Ana said...

How do I know that You are telling the Truth? How do I know that You are not delusional or Something? But, anyway, if You are telling the Truth, hopefully You'll get the Surgery that You need soon. And, I dont think that You live in Finland, doesn't seem to make Sense.

P. S. Do You speak Romanian?

Anonymous said...

In my response to Truthteller I used an unfortunate choice of words in implying that only psychopaths have a self-serving nature. All living things have this to a greater or lesser degree as a part of a basic survival instinct. No disrespect was intended.

Zhawq said...


Tom wrote:

"Wrote cha!"

Yep, I got it. Wrote ya back.

Zhawq said...

pandora, Nov. 9. -15 - 4:35 PM:

"i am so sorry that i had to ask that question. but sometimes, i just get really curious, and that just impairs my judgment. i just didnt think about the fact that you risk your safety/freedom. i really am sorry. maybe next time i wont be so annoying?? and, sorry for the bad english, english is not my first language."

Don't worry about it, pandora, I know what you mean. As long as we can learn from mistakes there's no reason to have bad feelings. And by the way, you have nothing to be ashamed of with regard to your English, it's actually really good.

"pandora (Yes, that is my real name)"

And a lovely name it is too. Zhawq is not my real name, but I guess you already know that. It's another of my safety precautions. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon Nov. 9. -15, 5:19 PM:

"This is unrelated to this specific post, but I am not sure there is another way to post you a question :P .

Firstly, I am sorry to hear about your knee/leg/back :( I hope you do find a solution somehow. I am sure you will keep us posted. Your blog has been great and I have been learning a lot!"


Thank you for the kind words, and you bet I'll keep you posted about how things go. I thought it was time I began to tell you more about my private story as so many have asked me to do for a long time; I've kept back with that because I felt I wouldn't be believed and because to be honest it's also painful to let people learn about sides of me that in my eyes are degrading and obviously meant to be victimizing (even if nobody allows themselves to think the thought consciously).

Then again, that's just it, isn't it: The country I live in knows people won't believe me and that's why they do what they do without fear of repercussions.

.....

Pandora, I've answered your questions, but I've put them in a new article because the whole thing was too long to be just a comment reply. Just click on 'Home' and you'll be taken right to it. It's name is: 'Psychopathic Characters In Theater'.

I hope it'll give you some of what you're looking for. If not - and I can understand if it's not what you were searching for - write me an email and I'll see if I can find a way to give you a more specified dark comic view of what psychopaths can also be like.

Zhawq said...

Alterero:

Buzz off with your UKaness glory, moron.

Zhawq said...

Anon Nov. 12. -15 - 12:52 AM

"At present he seems to be having a problem dealing the anger and frustration of not being able to change his current situation."

Spot on.

"But if you randomly read some of the posts over the entire time he has kept this blog in an analytical and logical manner, you will find a strong thread of consistency in his descriptions of the inner workings of the mind of a psychopath. And was the purpose he gave for starting this blog – to enlighten."

It always pleases me when I see somebody has understood the very bottom of what ought to be obvious to everyone. I've kept this blog for something around 5 years, and when every now and then I change my position about something - which every intelligent being does; only those who believe everything must remain the same forever will abstain from learning something new, and when you don't learn anything new, you also don't change your mind about anything. We regularly witness examples of this type of people when they leave comments. - And as you rightly point out, the bottom of the matter is consistency. I have been nothing if not consistent, so thank you for making note of that.

"He has a valid point that if a psychopath understands the reasons behind his actions he has a better chance of modifying his behavior to achieve his gratifications in a less harmful way without sacrificing his self-serving nature."

Well said, and it goes both ways, of course, for everybody would be doing a lot of bad things if we were incapable of learning. In the case of psychopaths it is also important to understand that we all affect each other, and as such we all have a part in making each other what we are all depending on inherit traits. Psychopaths and normal people alike need to learn, understand and accept that we all are partly responsible for the antisocial destructiveness we witness in some psychopaths.

"And for an NT (of which I a highly empathetic one) this knowledge is of vital importance in helping us protect ourselves and come to terms with a confusing and hurtful encounter we may have experienced. It did so for me and although the hurt will stay with me forever, at least I am no longer so confused."

I salute you for having done what too many do not have the knowledge, courage, strength, nor support to do. I also agree the main goal with getting information out where everybody can access it and in a way that allows them to process it, is to make the future generations able to protect themselves, or better yet, prevent the harm and hurt from happening in the first place.

"So my conclusion is that what Zhawq is doing is worthwhile."

Thank you, my Empath friend. I consider your supportive words an honor. May you remain strong and continue growing. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Ana Nov. 12. -15 - 12:53 AM

"How do I know that You are telling the Truth? How do I know that You are not delusional or Something?"

Are you referring to what I have written about my situation and my health?

If you read back through all the articles I have written throughout 4-5 years you will find that all I write is consistent, and that in the cases where I have changed my mind, I have openly stated so.

You will also find that I am not the type to flaunt personal weaknesses, in fact it was a long process for me to decide whether or not to do it. There was the considerations about possible consequences I might face from the authorities where I live, but now I'm facing a lot of them anyway without having done anything wrong. Still, the most difficult part for me was to admit my weaknesses and to which extent they have developed in a downward spiral.

This latter trait in me, I'm fully aware, has to do with the fact that I as a person who in many ways are typical for a psychopath where personality is concerned, and that again means I carry some degree of Narcissism. It's nothing special for someone like me though it is something I am not in habit of telling people.

Still, when that is said, I think your best bet in finding out if I'm truthful or not is to simply read my articles.

You can also ask yourself: What reason would anybody have to lie themselves ill and lie about the things they've been subjected to? - If my aim was to make everybody else look like the bad guys, would I have told the whole world that I once killed people, that I have broken people mentally, that I have even raped twice when I was very young? It doesn't make sense.

But I think I've said enough. You'll either believe me or you won't. Many of my readers live in countries where similar conditions reign - if perhaps not to the same extent - and I can understand why some of you feel a need to deny the possibility that you are being used as pawns and that you in reality have no rights... especially if you haven't experienced it on your own bodies yet - and maybe never will. Whichever the case, this is a case about Human Rights and Civil Rights being completely set aside and ignored, a case where the common citizen hardly knows what is allowed and what isn't so he makes sure to do what everybody else does, that way it can't be too bad.

The people in these - or this (I know of only this one country with these laws) where the population has been completely disarmed, means that deep down they all know they're helpless, and therefore they MUST believe in the state and that it does everything for THEIR best, because if you/they don't believe that, what is there left?

"But, anyway, if You are telling the Truth, hopefully You'll get the Surgery that You need soon. And, I dont think that You live in Finland, doesn't seem to make Sense."

You're quite right too. I've already said I live in a tiny country where people can't carry weapon, and sometimes not even normal things that can be used as weapons. I can add to this that this country has no real nature, I don't know much about Finland, but I know they have a lot of nature and they are allowed to carry weapons.

I'm thinking about trying a new application for surgery. Can't hurt. It's been so long since that mean surgeon who had the rest licking his ass kept putting me down, who knows, maybe he's moved to somewhere else. One can always hope.

"P. S. Do You speak Romanian?"

No, I wish I did. I'm part Romanian, but most of my family escaped during Chauchescu, including my mother, so I have never learned how to speak the language. If I survive and get out of here, maybe I'll get time and energy to learn it. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Truthteller, Nov. 10. -15 - 9:09 AM:

"This mysterious country is finland i reckognized it becouse i live here too."

You recognized wrong.

"I think stuff that zhawq writes is mostly false and rest is wildly exaggerated."

That's because you base your opinion on false assumptions. Read my former reply and you may get an idea about what I mean.

(I would never write something like what I've written about Findland even with the little knowledge I have about that country.)

Ana said...

its actually spelt Ceaușescu, and wasnt that during the time when they banned abortions? i think that Was what Ceaușescu Was known for-- the communist rule and the abortion ban which led to so many orphans and mothers dying.

Romanian is actually quite easy. you should learn it after you recover from whatevrr ailments you have.

hello, how are you? in romanian is: Salut. Ce mai faci? :)

I don't think you are lying but I don't think that you are telling the whole truth either. but whatever, I have to get back to work. la revedere!

btw, your blog's quite interesting, I like it. :)

Truthteller said...

Zhawq, all the information you have gave makes perfect match with finland (northeuropean country, is planning to make oversized purchase of fighterjets etc) if you ppl dont believe me then check it out. (Btw im not coming after you dont worry about it)

A said...

Yes. Because there can't possibly be others who see through the ridiculous, self-serving little stories you tell yourself and everyone else. In your mind, we all have to be some version of Ukan, LOL. Obsessed much?

That's because what he said about you is true, you lying twat. XD

Keep telling your tall tales. There's always a new crop of gullible idiots who will gobble up the shit that you serve up on a platter, and flock around you to give you sympathy and supply, thereby permitting you to avoid facing the sedentary, weak, obese, whiny, invalid that you've allowed yourself to become.

I get it. After all, fantasyland is much more appealing for a self-proclaimed psychopath who retains so little autonomy and control that all that's left of him (or her) is a persecution complex.

Woe is you, indeed.

Zhawq said...

Ana, Nov. 12. -15, 8:39 AM:

"its actually spelt Ceaușescu, and wasnt that during the time when they banned abortions? i think that Was what Ceaușescu Was known for-- the communist rule and the abortion ban which led to so many orphans and mothers dying."

Ah yes, Ceausescu, I knew I was writing it wrong but just couldn't remember how it is spelled. Bummer. :)

I'm not sure if abortions were banned, but especially country folk are very catholic and believe in g0d, so abortion took place in secrecy. My mother actually wanted me and it wasn't until very late that she realized my father wouldn't admit to having been with a gypsy woman. They even escaped the country together - he helped her - and it was only when I was about to be born that he told her the truth and decided to leave her. I don't know much about him, but from what I hear he was a well to do businessman, American, but of mixed blood though he appeared completely caucasian (as do I... almost, anyway).

"Romanian is actually quite easy. you should learn it after you recover from whatevrr ailments you have."

Yeah, I know it's easy, for I've looked a bit into it while I was in prison, and I noticed how much it has in common with Latin. If you know Latin then Romanian is definitely very easy.

If I manage to escape from here and regain my health I would love to learn Romanian, and to visit the country for a longer period (I've only been there twice, 1 day and 2 days).

"hello, how are you? in romanian is: Salut. Ce mai faci? :)"

Ah yes, I remember Salut. It's one of the first words you learn. How do you pronounce the 'c' in 'Ce' and 'faci'? I find myself wishing you would tech me. You see, I've actually considered the possibility of going to Romania when I leave here, in part because I know you can live cheaper there than in the Western European countries.

"I don't think you are lying but I don't think that you are telling the whole truth either. but whatever, I have to get back to work. la revedere!"

I'm telling the truth, but I'm also leaving small details out - not much, but some - because if I told absolutely everything it would for one be a very long story (but it was my plan to tell it all along the way), but also because if I told absolutely everything I've been subjected to I think even fewer would believe me.

"btw, your blog's quite interesting, I like it. :)"

Thanks, that's good to hear. I think you'll find, if you continue reading, that I'm quite consistent in what I claim to be true about myself and my life, and I have no reason to put myself down the way I'm indirectly doing it by telling the whole world how bad off I am and to what extent I am in a sense myself a victim too - at least for the past decade or more.

Zhawq said...

Truthteller, Nov. 12. -15, 8:59 AM:

"Zhawq, all the information you have gave makes perfect match with finland (northeuropean country, is planning to make oversized purchase of fighterjets etc)"

The country where I reside has only bought one expensive jet plane and plan to buy no more. Generally it's never been very active in international politics but very active inwards to it's own people whom it treats like they're all enemies of the state. And everything I've told about it can be verified, it's known, registered and mentioned internationally - ALL of it. So call me a liar if you must, guys, but do me a favor and check the facts before you do so. Just list the things I have said about this country, google them and you can only get one result.

"if you ppl dont believe me then check it out. (Btw im not coming after you dont worry about it)"

There's no reason not to believe what you say is true. With the rise of terrorism there are several previously inactive Northern countries who have suddenly decided to spend some tax payers' money on particularly high tech military airplanes.

Zhawq said...

A, Nov. 12. -15, 10:15 AM:

" In your mind, we all have to be some version of Ukan, LOL. Obsessed much?"

I have never given anybody reason to believe I think everybody is UKan. In my view there's nobody who is anywhere nearly like him but himself.

In my reply to alterego I first assumed s/he was UKan because s/he emulated his writing style to a T. In my second reply I explained this.

And with those words this conversation is over.

Ana said...

the 'c' in pronounced as 'ch' when it is in front of the letter 'i' or 'e', but is pronounced as 'k' in front of every other alphabet. so, 'ce' is pronounced as 'che'. for the word 'faci' it is pronoucned 'fach' because the 'i' is silent.

and, abortion was banned in romania during the Ceașescu era which is why infant mortality rate rose, and mother would get abortions secretly from black market surgeons. it was not because of religion because a communist state is a secular, anti-theist state. it was to increase their population.

hope that helps. and i did read your older posts, i think it is mostly consistent, but i cant help but doubt what you say because that is just how i am (and you could also be an amazing liar for all i know). but, if you are not lying, then get well soon and continue writing on this blog. i really am starting to love it. :)

Ana said...

PS Zhawq, you should really consider moving to eastern europe. our countries are really beautiful, the people here are really nice (and good looking) and we love to party. and, i really do feel bad that you live in scandinavia. i feel like they are just boring, and their football teams suck (and ours are a lot better--especially romania's. they are ranked 14 for fifa world cup) oh, and, do you watch football? if you do, who are you supporting? germany? netherlands? or some shitty scandinavian team? i dont know why, but i just felt like asking that question.

Legion said...

What an imbecile you are. You forget that some of us were around when Ukan exposed you. We know *exactly* who and what you are: a pathological liar who fancies herself a badass.

That you still maintain this charade is comically pathetic. :)




Zhawq said...

Ana, Nov. 18. -15, 2:21 AM

"the 'c' in pronounced as 'ch' when it is in front of the letter 'i' or 'e', but is pronounced as 'k' in front of every other alphabet. so, 'ce' is pronounced as 'che'. for the word 'faci' it is pronoucned 'fach' because the 'i' is silent."

I see. That actually makes sense when I think about it, you know, listening to Romanian people talk it fits, and it also appears to be practical to do it that way.

"and, abortion was banned in romania during the Ceașescu era which is why infant mortality rate rose, and mother would get abortions secretly from black market surgeons."

That makes sense. But how is it with abortion today? Is it still banned, illegal?

"it was not because of religion because a communist state is a secular, anti-theist state. it was to increase their population."

Yes, I'm aware of that. It's just one more thing that makes this country where I live seem to be closer to communism and socialism. Officially they're Protestants, but the churches are empty, nobody goes there and people are openly atheist. If they profess to believe in a religion they're considered a little crazy.

"hope that helps."

Oh ye, it does.

"and i did read your older posts, i think it is mostly consistent, but i cant help but doubt what you say because that is just how i am (and you could also be an amazing liar for all i know). but, if you are not lying, then get well soon and continue writing on this blog. i really am starting to love it. :)"

Thank you, Anna

Of course I will continue with the blog, I've just realized that there are limits to what I can say even in this forum. Maybe later, when I get away from where I currently am and can better afford to be public about who I am and what my physical condition has suffered from the years under this rulership. I really hope I make it, it would be awesome to finally show the world that I've been telling the truth, though I'm fully aware that the world will only know what it wants to know, so even with pictures some will believe me and some won't.

There will always be people who don't believe me and who will think it happened some other way that how I say it happened, but there's nothing I can do about that. For me the most important thing is to get my health back, not to change the world - though it's good to know I'm planting a few seeds too. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Ana, Nov. 18. -15, 8:57 PM

"PS Zhawq, you should really consider moving to eastern europe. our countries are really beautiful, the people here are really nice (and good looking) and we love to party. and, i really do feel bad that you live in scandinavia. i feel like they are just boring, and their football teams suck (and ours are a lot better--especially romania's. they are ranked 14 for fifa world cup) oh, and, do you watch football? if you do, who are you supporting?"

When I watch European Socker I always hep on Romania. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Legion, Nov. 23. -15, 11:37 PM

"What an imbecile you are. You forget that some of us were around when Ukan exposed you. We know *exactly* who and what you are: a pathological liar who fancies herself a badass.

That you still maintain this charade is comically pathetic. :)"


Another idiot exposes himself.

Nobody exposed me, little man. Not UKan and not anybody else. A few posted private names of people I knew in real life, that is all that happened. The rest was slander and allegations.

Crawl back to your hole, I don't want to hear anymore from you.

Ana said...

no, abortions are not banned right now. the situation got better after Ceaușescu. i wish i could help you with romanian, but im not romanian. although i know quite a bit of romanian (growing up around there), so i could email you and try to teach you whatever romanian i know.

and, in your reply, you said that you are from a country that is protestant, which is why i think that youre in finland. but isnt scandinavia secular? so why is there an official religion? is it recognized by the state? or is it just the majority?

romanian is not a lot better now. it is very politically unstable, like the countries in that region, and there is a lot of alcoholism in this region. the economy's not great either.

but, if you want me to try and teach you romanian, you can let me know. ill email you if you want. la revedere! :)

Anonymous said...

It is nice to know your problem is not spinal because that is the worst thing. I am not even slightly curious where you are because most countries are overregulated by government and I would not get anything out of knowing your location. People refuse to believe sad stories because they are used to stories with a moral behind them. Someone got into trouble because of some obvious misdeed they did. Random injury and disease does not fit into their worldview. Accepting nihilistic reality would shake them too much and introduce a new layer of stress they cannot even imagine coping with so they are eager to dismiss these kinds of information because they know that the amount of worrying weighted against the amount of change they can make is bad. My health is also bad and I have been reading about doctors and medicine is most advanced countries, some even with a economies that are described as free. Medicine is extremely untransparent and shady and all of that is hidden behind the ideal of privacy.

Anyway you seem to be in a bad situation but not too bad as you can still have things done to you to fix your knee. There are reasons to be optimistic but my guy cannot do anything for you as your problem is missing stuff in your body and all he can do is some manual repositioning. Your problem is mostly money and I cannot really do anything there as I am not a rich person. However I have a scheme to get rich and if I do I will contact you to fix your knee or atleast give you a decent chance at tricking me into giving you the money. It's a win win because I will help you in both cases and either feel good about it or get a lesson from it.

Darius

Zhawq said...

Ana,

Most Scandinavian countries as far as I know have an official national religion, but in reality they are secular and don't believe in anything. Of course they have Jehova's Witnesses and other small sect-like branches of Christianity, I know Denmark has Scientology too though I'm not sure about the other countries.

Thank you for your kind offer to teach me Romanian. Don't be surprised if I take you up on your offer. '^L^,

Anonymous said...

The point isnt where you live. That place is just one of many possible constructions of "culture". And you are pointing out some of its negative aspects. I bet here also have good ones.

Anyway. Given what you write is truth, you gotta ask yourself: Why does "God" keep me alive ? Cause-Effect.

Maybe you have something to show the world, to make it a generally better place to live in, for "all types of personality".

Hang in there :)

RB

Ana said...

wait, zhawq, did you say that denmark has scientology? do they consider it a religion? i thought that in most countries, it is a cult and in others it is a criminal organization? (my plan to move there has officially been ruined by that knowledge)

Anonymous said...

What else is there, for society, when Empathy does no longer exist, on an affective level ?

Anonymous said...

Are you from Greenland?

Anonymous said...

Hey Zhawk,

I'm sorry, but have just read your posts and don't think I believe you're a psychopath.

Can't remember what the scale is meant to be, but am thinking perhaps 18 is on the low to mid end, and you just have some psychopathic traits. Otherwise perhaps you've been misdiagnosed and present some psychopathic "symptoms" but are normal. Or maybe you're an anomaly.

At any rate, you seem too much of an independent thinker, too thoughtful and too concerned about others to actually be a psychopath.

I wonder if you just have unresolved issues from a challenged childhood – and the way you have been treated could be much to blame for your negative responses.

Anon