Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 3

He kept Arguing that he wasn't Female in any way for some time but Eventually he did the Only Thing he really could do if he didn't want to lose my Respect altogether, and he did it rather Cleverly: He Admitted to the Truth but Avoided outright having to Say: "Yes, I've been Lying To You!". I saw No Reason for further Humiliation - I didn't mean to humiliate him in the first place, just to get him to be honest with me, and I knew the Admission he'd given me was Humiliating Enough as it were - so I immediately Accepted his Statement and did never Bring Up the Question again.

Shortly after this Exchange he Shut Off all Contact with me - except when Leaving an Anonymous Comment at my Website every now and then - and never gave me any Explanation as to Why he did this, and nor did he Owe me any Explanation.

The Confrontation and the Outcome of the following Argument to me explained why he'd been keeping his birth gender such a tight secret, because for me there is little doubt that to him women are weak, pitiful, lowly and unworthy of respect, they're beings who deserve to be abused and mistreated by men. This is a very common view on the female sex among Sociopathic Subcultures, and is also widespread among people with AsPD.

Given the fact that I already knew that this person had a strong wish to be accepted in the Sociopath community on the Internet (there is no such thing as a 'Psychopath Community', psychopaths are loners by definition) and that I knew he was very active on some forums where sociopaths socialize (friendly pun intended), perhaps I can chance to guess that my Reader agrees I now 'have something on' this person?

Unless I'm seriously mistaken I believe the obvious answer to that guess is Yes.

Now here's the catch....After some time of having had no correspondence with my paranoid email acquaintance I happened to become the central subject of attention in a heated flame war against me by another community of sociopaths - who, ironically, accused me of being a woman who claimed to be a man! - this person whom I'd been trying to support for months, and who was witnessing the whole thing unfold, he suddenly decides to leave a comment, here at my own domain, Psychopathic Writings, which stated that:

"I have something on Zhawq"!

Voila, what a friend-to-be! What a would-be confidante! What a man reaching out to interact with others who might understand about violent urges and being an intelligent loner in a society of mainstream sleepwalkers! Indeed...

Again I will caution my Readers to not jump to conclusions about who could this female man could be. Others who have never exchanged words with me have claimed to have something on me and some of those comments may still be around, though I published plenty of trash against the sociopaths - mostly in good humor, I must say - but I realized it was counter productive to uphold a Mud Throwing style of content on a website if I should have any hope of getting it to a position with slightly more useful potential, for my Readers as well as for myself, so I removed the articles where I made fun of those who were trying to discredit me, along with most of the comments I'd left of the same nature elsewhere on the web.

But to get back to the story, what was that 'something on Zhawq' that this guy suddenly claimed to have? I don't have to search my memory to know the answer, and it is this: He thinks he can use my suggestion that he "look to the south" to derive some relief for his urge to kill people against me by claiming I was Encouraging or Inciting him to go and commit murder. Obviously, as I have already shown, he has absolutely nothing on me (if he did I certainly would not be writing this article!).

In fact it is quite the other way around, I have something on him, not vice versa. So why didn't I immediately out him, either from the start or when he left his comment? No doubt he is convinced that I didn't out him because I'm scared of what he 'has on me'. Nothing could be further from the truth, so...

Guess again, my friend (yes, you! You know who you are and I know you're reading this), here's the reason why I never outed you: I didn't out you because I had no reason to do so! I didn't out you because I'm not mean just to be mean and nor do I have any drive or need to be mean whenever I have the opportunity!

Yes, I do get angry when people think they can abuse me or any kindness I've showed them, but I have no need for helping others to be cruel toward someone I know could be crushed easily and without much fuss. You see, if I feel the urge to see cruelty unleashed upon others, I don't even need to fuel a crowd of small minded people who can't get past the medieval view of gender differences to go and do it for me (some Biblical examples of Cruelty). Though clearly under some circumstances it can be beneficial to let others do your dirty work for you, in your case I could be cruel toward you myself just fine and nobody would ever know about it, I wouldn't need others to know what I did to bring you down or how I got away with it....But worry not, you have nothing to fear, I won't bother to lift a finger against you!

You can think it's because I'm not psychopathic enough or because I'm afraid of you, whatever suits your fancy. You'll never grasp the nature of what you so covet, and that is your ruin. I need not do to you what you're already doing to yourself. Sad to see intellect go to waste in a Self Destructive deluded dream, but I can live with that. You, on the other hand... [fill in blanks].

I offered you a form of friendship, and you showed me you aren't worthy of friendship, as others who are adept at reading people do also know, this is why so few want to befriend you and it is why they refuse your attempts to befriend them. You hoped to find fellowship, but you don't have the ability to know and understand when it pays to be loyal. In spite of all your intellectual eloquence you're incapable of spotting even the most blatant opportunity when it drops into your lap, your willingness to allow paranoia and anxiety to rule your behavior is your doom and in the end you have only yourself to blame for that. It is because of this that you will remain lonely, unhappy, forever anxious and friendless.

Believe it or not, I'm generally a quite nice guy. There are but two types of situations in which I will stop at nothing to get back at someone, 1.: If that someone attempts to hurt or harm me or my Loved Ones, and 2.: If that someone threatens to hurt or harm me or my loved ones - provided he has the means to back up his threats.

If none of these conditions aren't met I'm quite happy to settle for a simple warning. You may consider this to be such a warning, ...or not. It's up to you.


It wasn't until a year after my correspondence with the person about whom I've spoken above was discontinued that I came upon a concept called Transgenderism. It turns out that someone can indeed be male in every way except for how their physical sex appears. With this new knowledge I wish even more that he'd have told me how it really was. But it may not have made any difference since he's too emotionally damaged.


Read Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 1

Read Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 2


Anonymous said...

how do you ruin a sociopath?

Show him a mirror

Anonymous said...

Is that applause I hear? Yes,it is. Nice job, Zhawq. Masterful. And may I always stay on your good side!


"he was very active on some forums where sociopaths socialize (friendly pun intended)"

hehe you know it

Anonymous said...

I'm a Female-to-Male transgender and I'm diagnosed with ASPD. I used to have a lot of anxiety until I started hormone treatment. I think this man has never been diagnosed so he's confused about having ASPD or psychopathy or sociopathy. He sounds a lot like me before I started treatment. I wouldn't even have dared contact someone like you because I was so anxious about people hurting and taking advantage of me, and it's easy for a psychopath to do that to someone who's alone in the world. Especially one who's transgender because there's so much prejudice and discrimination. So I think he's not on treatment and that's why he's so paranoid that he even back-stabs the only one who's been friendly to him. I'm not the man you describe, but I once turned on someone who wanted to help me because I was too scared and had too little confidence with myself to believe I could handle it if I got hurt or used again. I later gave a sincere apology and today we're on good terms.

Anonymous said...

I have done some research and found the forums associated with what you were talking about and the things they have accused you of. These were some of the most hilarious things I have ever read. Some random people accused you of the most outlandish things with zero evidence and it was hilarious watching you explain to them the obvious as they kept at their ridiculous trolling. I was a bit surprised at the time you have spent with these obvious trolls though.

The audience you draw to your blog is also fascinating.

Anonymous said...

" and intensive ten day long test series as part of a Psychopathy Research Program..."

Do tell. That sounds quite intensive. Did you have a choice to participate? What was the testing like? Did you resent it? How long are you reprimanded to this program? Do you think this program will help anyone in any way, Zhawq???

Anonymous said...

No offense to Zhawq who's a psychopath and not transgender, and I've read and learn a lot from reading your blog. But we, who are transgender with ASPD have a greater advantage over psychopaths IMO, because we have both the gender's experiences so we understand the other gender from the inside. And we can also learn how to tap into emotions that neurotypicals also have, but it just takes a lot of extra effort, and that makes our achievements greater.

Anonymous said...

Can we still comment while Zhawq is away?

Illuminance said...

Reply to transgendered ASPD:

I think you missed the point of why psychopaths have all of the advantages when performing typically uneasy actions, and lack some insight into the emotional and empathic capabilities of some psychopaths.

Psychopaths are not just psychopaths but many other things as well that make them individual. Some of us are capable of intense emotional empathy if and when we allow it. Example being that psychopathy has several potential causes besides the amygdala, one of which is a small percentage of those with severe ADHD that deregulates emotions via the prefrontal cortexes. I'm personally able to flip a switch with a degree of effort and feel others' feelings, because I never truly lacked but rather grew up experiencing flat/shallow affect and neuroticism simultaneously, and eventually dissociated the majority of them from active consciousness.

Anonymous said...

Illuminance says "Psychopaths are not just psychopaths but many other things as well that make them individual. Some of us are capable of intense emotional empathy if and when we allow it."

There has been news recently about this:

Psychopathic criminals have an empathy switch:

Fascinating. This is quite a leap from what we've been hearing.

How are the tests going, Zhawq?

Anonymous said...

I believe you are very correct. When growing up you learned to gage behavior, which is how you learned to survive. Do you think that is accurate?

Anonymous said...

Wow. This article..!

Lots of fire in his words.--But the ice beneath..!

The most scary thing is he's not even angry.

Anonymous said...

Illuminance, you said that you never truly lacked empathy but rather grew up experiencing a flat/shallow affect and neuroticism simultaneously. This fascinates me. As I understand it, a flat affect is the opposite of neuroticism, is it not? How can the two co-exist? This is not a rhetorical question.

Illuminance said...

I meant that I was written about by the observing psychologists of having a flat affect, lack of empathy, and all of the other callous-unemotional traits. Other times I was very hostile and violent so that I had to be sedated or restrained somehow.

You're right that it can't happen together within the same active period.

Anonymous said...

maybe he only knows he has flat affect because He's compared his reactions to others putting it in that lighting it makes perfect sense

Anonymous said...

"Other times I was very hostile and violent so that I had to be sedated or restrained somehow.

You're right that it can't happen together within the same active period."

Thanks for your answer, illuminance. I'm wondering, though, if being so extremely hostile and violent was actually neuroticism. As I understand it, rage and frustration are feelings a person with psychopathy can and do experience. Your thoughts on this are appreciated.

Anonymous said...

"Psychopaths are not just psychopaths but many other things as well that make them individual. Some of us are capable of intense emotional empathy if and when we allow it. Example being that psychopathy has several potential causes besides the amygdala, one of which is a small percentage of those with severe ADHD that deregulates emotions via the prefrontal cortexes. I'm personally able to flip a switch with a degree of effort and feel others' feelings, because I never truly lacked but rather grew up experiencing flat/shallow affect and neuroticism simultaneously, and eventually dissociated the majority of them from active consciousness."

I experiences something different, Flat affect definitely does plays apart but it's more secondary. I have no issues with right or wrong (I just don't care how other people view my actions as long as it doesn't ever come back on me).What I think hinders me is my perception of what it means to be brutal, that's the only thing that causes me complications... I've never been reviewed by any sort of psychologists so I'm not exactly sure what to make of this situation

Anonymous said...

"There are but two types of situations in which I will stop at nothing to get back at someone, 1.: If that someone attempts to hurt or harm me or my Loved Ones, and 2.: If that someone threatens to hurt or harm me or my loved ones"

I've got to say, I am a little confused.

Illuminance said...

I'm still exploring these issues myself. I seem capable of having most if not all feelings/emotions under artificial means like drug/alcohol intoxication and withdrawal. However, psychopaths apparently do become lively while intoxicated. I have a flat to shallow affect under normal circumstances, though I can look and feel entirely typical (within the positive spectrum) when engaged in mentally stimulating tasks.

My sense of brutality is likewise different, although I recognize physical force as unsavory and of last resort, and it gets me in trouble when I discount people's feelings/emotions as entirely unimportant to the task at hand. I just don't get it.

Anonymous said...

I've got the notion that you are wittingly (or unwittingly) giving her advice on how to cope with their problems and THEN commit a murder. Tsk tsk, Zhawq. I'm pretty certain that you know this, but if you don't, even greater disappointment to you.

Really, I don't care about this little action committed, but I felt obligated to point this out. If I'm wrong: My formal apologies.

Also, you say you don't need or want to "out" them, but you do directly insult them (f.x. "too emotionally damaged", and many others, but most are in whole paragraphs, so I won't bother quoting that.)

I congratulate you, but morally, "Shaaaaaaame!"

Anonymous said...

That's the way I'd describe it too

Anonymous said...

where's our shark ! You fuckers keeping him again ?!

Anonymous said...

Why do you think sexism is very common among people with AsPD? I’ve never heard of that before.

Anonymous said...

Why do all the comments have to be approved by you, before they become public? Having problems with trolls?

Anonymous said...

Let him go you cunts! I want another article!

Anonymous said...

Happy Holidays!

Illuminance said...

I found an academic paper on the root neurological causes of psychopathy. It characterizes the differences between the emotional deficit type of psychopathy and the externalizing type (we know of as sociopathy. Both types have an attention deficit, but different types. Psychopaths automatically filter out anything that isn't central to their goals, which means emotions are often missed. It does say however, that emotions can be seen and felt if they are central to the goal of the psychopath. Very interesting.

Anonymous said...

to illuminance ^
interesting but I'm fairly sure I characterise both a complete non taking in of affective stimuli as well as an externalised emotional sort of disassociation. I get different diagnosis's depending on the practitioner and their perspective. Though if I'm right I'm both, a hardcore born sociopath. Not the same as either a born psychopath or a made sociopath.

Illuminance said...

Let Zhawq's lack of activity be an interactive lesson to the non-psychopaths here in how responsibility and relationships are viewed by us. Zhawq does not owe us a thing. We are his to enjoy first, and our possible enjoyment only happens as a secondary effect. He may break his word of posting content at his discretion, simply because he finds a new interest more stimulating. A psychopath is indifferent to the needs of other's, and only cares for his need for stimulation.

Illuminance said...

Any criteria for a diagnosis of disorder is simply a cluster of symptoms, whether they be traits and/or behaviors. Most diagnostic criteria focuses on traits that consistently and frequently distinguish themselves through abnormal behavior that causes distress to self or to others. They're boxes with labels; completely abstract concepts, but with concrete applications like matched treatments. Disordered individuals usually fit the criteria for many labels, but they are typically given the most accurate one, and it may be one that encompasses many others.

I was frequently diagnosed with many affective disorders such as bi-polar, cyclothymia, dysthymia, or just described with having a generally flat/constricted/inappropriate affect; intermittent explosive disorder, and strong dominant behavior and manipulation. All were ruled out by diagnosing me with severe ADHD (predominantly inattentive, or combined) and oppositional defiant disorder. Two could easily become one of psychopathy with a PCL-R 30.

Dissociation is a self-defense mechanism that causes serious emotional insulation. You would not notice many emotions if you had it because it would channel the stimuli elsewhere. A sociopath with serious dissociation that causes him/her to experience detached emotions would fit the criteria (based on current behavior only) for a psychopath in my opinion. I'm still at odds with knowing my exact situation as well, because I need a true psychopath to compare myself against in person, and not just written stories.

Ettina said...

"I'm wondering, though, if being so extremely hostile and violent was actually neuroticism. As I understand it, rage and frustration are feelings a person with psychopathy can and do experience."

According to the Big Five personality dimensions, Neuroticism is the tendency towards negative emotions - sadness, fear, anger, etc. Rages are part of neuroticism.

Illuminance said...

I've been digging a little bit deeper into the feelings and emotions part of human psychology recently.

Stage 1: Attention is drawn by the senses towards a situation or object.
Stage 2: A mood is developed around the situation or object.
Stage 3: Finally the actual cognitive thinking kicks in (even for psychopaths).

From what I understand, when typical people speak of emotions they generally mean strong emotions, because these don't take an incredible amount of purposeful introspection to be aware of their effect. I've been working in a book that lists things such as "curiosity" as an emotion. It's just not a strongly felt emotion like fear, sadness, or anger. I'll go as far as saying that psychopaths generally have either a neutrality to "strong" emotions other than anger, or they're almost in a state of hypomania (lacks the psychotic properties of mania) when properly stimulated.

Symptoms of hypomania include:
- pressured speech (non-stop talking)
- inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
- decreased need for sleep
- flight of ideas or the subjective experience that thoughts are racing
- easy distractibility and attention-deficit similar to ADHD
- increase in psychomotor agitation (extremely alert)
- involvement in pleasurable activities that may have a high potential for negative psycho-social or physical consequences (e.g., the person engages in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, reckless driving, or foolish business investments).

"People with hypomania are generally perceived as being energetic, euphoric, visionary, overflowing with new ideas, and sometimes overconfident and very charismatic, yet—unlike those with full-blown mania—are sufficiently capable of coherent thought and action to participate in everyday activities. Like mania, there seems to be a significant correlation between hypomania and creativity. A person in the state of hypomania might be immune to fear and doubt and have negligible social and sexual inhibition. People experiencing hypomania usually have a very strong sex-drive. Hypomanic people are often the "life of the party." They may talk to strangers easily, offer solutions to problems, and find pleasure in small activities. Such advantages may render them unwilling to submit to treatment, especially when symptoms do not impair functioning."

Illuminance said...

(second part)

"Neuroticism is the tendency to be in a negative state for long periods of time. It is a fundamental personality trait in the study of psychology characterized by anxiety, moodiness, worry, envy, and jealousy. Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than the average to experience such feelings as anxiety, anger, envy, guilt, and depressed mood, and they experience these feelings more strongly than those who score lower on neuroticism. They are sensitive and respond poorly to all types of stressors, are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult and problematic. They are often self-conscious, worrisome, success-driven and shy, and they may have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification. They typically care about how others perceive them and want to be liked by everybody. Neuroticism is a risk factor for the "internalizing" mental disorders such as phobia, depression, panic disorder, and other anxiety disorders, all of which are traditionally called neuroses. Individuals high in neuroticism tend to internalize these neuroses because they are highly self-conscious and want to be viewed as perfect."

Psychopaths are well known for having a "shallow affect". This shallowness means that their moods or emotions never last for too long, possibly because most of their moods or emotions never go very deep. Neurotics would have something like a "Mariana Trench affect" of sorts.

You must understand that I was in zero-tolerance institutions and schools for a great deal of my formative years. They would punish the slightest misbehavior very severely. I would do things to get attention, which meant acting out, which lead to these places. Letting a curse word slip during a conversation could lead to a "time out room" (think padded room without the padding), and if I resisted by questioning the punishment I was forcibly restrained and carried into the room by many staff. This zero-tolerance was always the cause of my "reactive" aggression and violence. The anger would be gone within a few minutes, and I'd be doing something else to pass the time.

Anonymous said...

Well he must be reading these or they would not get posted..LOL

Anonymous said...

Thankyou for your intelligent reply illuminance, your on my wave length

Illuminance said...

I've recently become interested in MDMA or a hallucinogenic as an experiment to see if I can bring out deep emotions and connections with other people. I've been studying to try to find out if it's personally beneficial for me to gain an increased depth of emotions or not, but first I have to know if it's not a dead end.

Does anyone have personal experience with these? Would like to know the results from anyone with a shallow or flat-ish affect.

Zhawq said...


[i]"Does anyone have personal experience with these? Would like to know the results from anyone with a shallow or flat-ish affect."[/i]

Hallucinogenics enhances the experience you have of emotions that you're already capable of experiencing, but you're not likely to experience new ones.

Since like me you seem to have a strong drive towards a more intellectual understanding of things, this will intensify and can make the whole thing quite interesting. You may even have some break throughs in ways of deeper levels of understanding.

Anonymous said...

to illuminance

I have experimented with many drugs and have shallow to flat effect.

With speed, mdma and the like I become far more sociable, It isn't easy to quantify the direct effect on my emotions, I'm less angry and many feelings seem to get skipped over more easily, but I get exited more easily and gain a little more sympathy. It seems to tilt my emotional range in a more sociable direction.

Hallucnigenics are different, it has a general stimulus much like mdma ect. but it is only slanted in a more positive manner for myself, I don't really become any more sympathetic or easy to get a long with. It just enhances many aspects of life and has some real positive learning gains by the shift in perspective that it brings.
Both mdma , speed and various acids have taught me new things, though acid gives to your mind as well as emotional experience. Don't over do the acid though.

Anonymous said...

I hope you'll write such an article with questions and answers. I like to read everything you write. Please do it, and thanks.

StarWarrior said...

I have a question:You as a psychopath how would you feel if one your loved ones died?Would you feel terrible and sad as normal people or would you have no emotional reaction?

Anonymous said...


thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience with us. And I hope you will start continuing your blog as soon as possible. I I prefer new entries, because I am not able to see what is new on the blog or not.

Anonymous said...

Hope you are well!

Illuminance said...

I was invited to a rave on the 13th and a friend of my friend gave me some sassafras molly. It gave another guy a panic attack, but it didn't affect me at all aside from seemingly dropping my BAC by .020 within 30 minutes.

I was able to find out some interesting stuff about attachment theory. Apparently I have a disorganized style. My mom admitted that she worked one to two jobs while I was ages 0-5, that she never showed much emotion because apart from being gone a lot she would also actively hide any negative emotions from me thinking that it would negatively affect me. Fail.

So I have ADHD (every psychologist has listed it as severe) that fucks with emotional regulation and learning from negative consequences via my unmotivated orbitofrontal cortex (severely remember), and grew up not learning how to properly associate feelings like sadness or enduring love and attention from my attachment figure(s). However, I didn't grow up with access to an "immoral" environment (like in a gang) that was rewarded.

I should note that I'm capable of feeling and emoting sadness and crying, as well as what I thought at the time was real love, but these are so rare (half the time thought-activated and not innate) that it's why I'm studying psychopathy.

Any feedback?

psykopath-I-logical said...

Illuminance-had a heavy relationship with LSD, but ultimately was left characteristically unchanged, same flat effect and dominant hungry mindset. Find opiates have given me a degree of equilibrium and allowed me to navigate the empathspehere.
How did I feel when my relatives died, 4 minutes of anxiety due to the circumstances, and after that fl;at pragmatism.

Anonymous said...

you sound completely fucking normal to me mate. Your a psychopath imo. I'v just started to clearly recognise that which is from being affected in childhood.
It triggers the secondary traits in, lol, a regretable fashion. So much is genetic though.
Some drugs I need far more than most people to get there, others less, like marijuana.

Anonymous said...

I didn't feel anything when my relatives died, really cool calm and free. Knowing they were dying and not being able do anything to stop it definitely raised my stress levels. I grieved and cried for about 30 seconds at my dads funeral when I focused on the grief and allowed myself to have it. Then I partied like he said. Even went prepared with a can of rum and a couple of joints.
I have never felt any sadness or grief since

Illuminance said...

Anonymous April 9, 2014 at 2:11 AM

I've just managed to pick up "Without Conscious", after I had the library order a copy, and now I actually have real and dramatic case studies to go along with each symptom within each factor.

While I am definitely outside the typical "normal" range of emotions, I've had very limited opportunity to grow beyond it, and I'm thinking that there's simply some psychological programming done to me as a kid that's made me THINK without regard to feelings. I'm able to think outside of an experience in a very detached style and expression that seems very psychopathic, but within the actual experience I can act different than I had thought. I've never beat or tortured an animal, it actually made me pause reading for a few seconds when I read the example, but I have played "rough" not knowing I was causing harm. Different degrees, both beyond normal levels.

I'm also incredibly impulsive, much more than "normal", but I've never robbed a 7-Eleven on the way to my date because I just noticed that I forgot my wallet. Just one example from the book within the impulsiveness symptom.

I've become incredibly neurotic and prone to outbursts (with homicidal ideation to the point that I hid all the knives), but only towards my childhood attachment figure (mom) who has seemingly mystical power over my anger, since I metaphorically ripped the psychological band-aid off of my emotions almost two months ago. Now I'm much more like a factor 2 sociopath that's trying to reign in the vicious dog that's been unleashed by accident.

As of now, I believe that I'm just an overly rational, but very confused empath that sits somewhat near the border of empath and psychopath.

Anonymous said...

^to illulinance

Firstly I can relate very much to what you describe.

Rather than thinking of it psychopathic or socioapathic, born or made, can you identify things like, and at an early age before 7 for eg.
Not feeling empathy ie: not relating emotionally to others, not having ever felt or know the feeling of love for yourself ? Have you ever been remorseful ? As in the emotion of remorse, ask normal people of their experience with this, they know . Did you ever take on the moral code of your society or the adult figures in your life? Not trying them on for size because they have been put to you, but did they really gell with you ?

You can be detached and show hallmarks of a sociopath while being a psychopath, it is part of getting a high score on the pcl-r.

Don't believe all the crap you read, there is a criminal psychology bent on the matter intellectually. Never killed animals, never robbed a seven eleven, so what. Playing rough without realising does ring a bell though.

Without concience didn't sound like me to me, but I know I am.
It did strike me as the same old judgemental, lacking understanding small minded crap that I had experienced my whole life.

So you haven't killed puppies, perhaps you do a few good deeds, don't be swayed by those who choose to be your enemies. Focus on your success. I know this can be hard when life affects you badly from a young age, but you only live once.

Proud2Bme said...

Illuminance and Anon (to Illuminance),

I know my personality is what they call psychopath and I've been diagnosed (I got assessed and diagnosed when I was on trial for having participated and led a violent break and entry with attacking the guy who lived there).

But I understand completely what Zhawq always say, that remorse is senseless and he doesn't understand why it should be a good thing to feel it. I have never, ever, felt remorse. Not ever!

But I have never killed or tortured animals! Not ever!

So at least along with Illuminance and Zhawq (and maybe you also, anon?) I'm also an example that not all psychopaths torture or kill animals.

After having read all the posts on and following Zhawq for almost 2 years I even more than ever before don't believe everything I read, and especially not the things written by people who aren't psychopaths but just have an impressive education. You can be a very estimated psychologist but still not have the personal insight to understand psychopaths when speaking face to face with them.

Anonymous said...

Having read this I believed it was rather informative.
I appreciate you taking the time and energy to put this content together.

I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and
commenting. But so what, it was still worth it!

Also visit my website :: homepage ()

Anonymous said...

Could you please write an article zhawq on how it can be a struggle to keep your shit together, to know go out in a blaze of glory like most of us have as a back up plan in the back of our mind. It can be difficult not growing into a serial killer or ending up in jail for serious offences, and write it for others like us in a useful kind of way. Thanks