Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Tell Me How To Influence People.


Psychopaths are well known for their ability to manipulate others, mainly in a negative way (which according to some makes us (psychopaths) the "scariest people on the planet"). Whether something is positive or negative is in my opinion largely a subjective matter, but there can be little doubt that psychopaths do generally have a knack for finding out how to influence others, be it to their own or the other person's benefit. I often receive emails concerning this very question so I thought it might be a good idea to post my reply to such an email here because it will answer some questions for many people.

A Reader wrote:
"Is that your real name? I may be somewhat simple, as I couldn't seem to find work actual name on your blog, and it seems odd to address you by a pseudonym.

I very much enjoy your work, although I admit I am unlikely to share it with anyone: I dread what sort of response I would likely  encounter. For obvious reasons, I don't particularly want my friends or acquaintances to think I am a psychopath!

I'm interested in learning more about how to influence others, and I daresay that you have great skill in this department. You are clearly very intelligent, and it seems you are able to set aside your own immediate  emotions for the sake of a particular goal or purpose. I would very much like to learn how to do this, as I believe my own emotional responses have often worked against me.

I do find you somewhat intriguing. I love your utterly logical reasoning."
'Zhawq' is not my real name. I 'inherited' it from an acquaintance and chose to use it for my public presence on the Internet. I use it at my Website, in my Email Address, on my Twitter, Facebook and Youtube accounts, and on the Instant Messenger programs that I use (Google Talk and Skype). I also use it whenever I join forums or leave comments at other people's websites, and so on.

Remaining Anonymous, combined with Chaining Proxy setups, is the only way that I can protect myself. Psychopathy is a very hot but also volatile subject. People are very emotional about their views and some will go to great lengths to stop what they consider to be an 'evil and demonic being', someone who 'isn't human'. The all too common belief that some people aren't human even makes certain people think it is okay to kill a psychopath, because after all, he 'isn't human'.

You are certainly not alone about wanting to learn how to influence other people. Indeed, I receive emails requesting advice or information about this very topic almost every day, but generally there isn't much I can do to help because being able to learn how to influence others requires certain personality traits, and for someone who is not a psychopath learning to influence others beyond the normal is a tremendous task. If you qualify for being a so called normal - a neurotypical - person, then there is no way that you will learn it. The emotions that have become an ingrained part of you as a person since early childhood  are close to impossible to override by yourself. Psychopaths can - and sometimes do - coach a person and 'help' (or 'corrupt') them so that they can become more efficient at influencing others, but even though in theory it is possible to do this over the Internet, this would require a tremendous patience of both of you because it would take a very long time to all the information that is needed in order to give sound advice of this nature. Personally I'll say it does require you and the psychopath to have a relationship intimate enough for it to extend beyond the Internet. To do it over the Internet or other forms of long distance contact alone will very rarely work.

Add also to the above that very often those who want to learn how to influence others do have particular people in mind, people who are presumably psychopaths, and it just so happens that it is next to impossible to get the better of a psychopath simply because we are wired differently and don't react to this 'getting back at us' kind of thing the same way that normal people do. At best you will be wasting a lot of time and effort, otherwise you're more likely to end up getting hurt even more (this article has some good points about the topic).
"You are clearly very intelligent, and it seems you are able to set aside your own immediate emotions for the sake of a particular goal or purpose"
Here you touch on the element that is very central to why psychopaths have the ability to influence other people so easily: Setting aside emotions of my own in connection with things (such as moral issues) that relates to the act of influencing another person is not what enables me do this so efficiently. It is the fact that I simply don't have any such emotions to set aside. I don't feel bad about doing something immoral (for as long as I'm certain I won't get caught) and I don't have any feelings for or against f.x. killing someone (though I used to find it interesting for experimental reasons when I was younger), so there are no inner conflicts that I have to deal with before I can make my move, I can go straight ahead and do what I need or want without further ado.

Do you see the difference between the two situations, being able to set aside emotions and not having any emotions that I have to be able to set aside? I'm not saying I don't have any emotions, I'm saying I don't have conflicting emotions. I guess in that sense some will say I'm a little more simple than normal people, and that's okay, there are pros and cons about everything that we are and do, but personally I think it takes just a different kind of agile mind to be at ease with your ideas and wishes.

Still it is this very same element that makes it so difficult for non-psychopaths to act unhindered by what we call 'conscience' or 'mores', and which holds them back from doing something they sincerely want to do but just can't, because these types of morally triggered emotions are so deeply rooted, they're such a fundamental part of a person's perception of themselves. As a non-psychopath you may logically conclude there is no good reason to not go ahead and influence someone, but your subconscious doesn't take orders very easily and will make you feel something is very wrong about what you're about to do. Sometimes you know it's your 'conscience', other times you can't put a finger on it, but it serves its purpose which is to keep your inner sense of self and of who you are intact.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is a wonderful piece of information. Very well written! Thank you so much for sharing this so others will understand. You are still human your thought process is just different.

Cheshire Cat Smile :)

Anonymous said...

You say some very interesting things but not about manipulation. The question and what I am wondering is. If you dont have inner conflicts, then what is your self -- and I am not talking about a self as an psycholigical construct and psychopaths being void from it. If you merely acted out on your subconsious, then wouldn't you be a nutcase Freaudian theory embodied? The subconsious really doesn't act on certainty, as in no conflict. The subcounsious is always in conflict, even with itself. So what does that tell us about "psychopaths"? Surely you psychpaths must have a radar that tells them what they can do and not do, and were they stand so they don't need to be in conflict?

Anonymous said...

Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Sabrina :)

Anonymous said...

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/elisabeth_kublerross.html#zemFJrZMa4TzIlZG.99

Anonymous said...

Well put zhawq, it is simpler for us to manipulate and influence people because our thoughts goals and emotions and are aligned for the most part.

To anon 6.10pm oct 1.-

You go wrong with the assumption that your moral conscience is you, the centre of yourself. This is actually a learnt repertoire from your childhood, your parents, society and friends- they shaped this as you were growing up. This is where the conflict comes from, the world around you imposing limits on yourself. It is kind of sad that people don't realise this and have taken on this taught schemata so thoroughly that you deny and repress that of your true self and hold the social conscience as more important at the end of the day. The subconcience is a powerful tool of the self, not an internal enemy that haunts you.

Zhawq, I believe you missed the baby with the bath water. We do have the ability to put our emotions aside, we can detach with ease...when it suits us.

cheers

Anonymous said...

Very descriptive blog, I loved that bit. Will there be a part 2?


my webpage; Lee Trotman

Anonymous said...

Anon says, "Surely you psychopaths must have a radar that tells them what they can do and not do, and were they stand so they don't need to be in conflict?"

That question was already answered, if you read between the lines:

"Sometimes you know it's your 'conscience', other times you can't put a finger on it,it serves its purpose which is to keep your inner sense of self and of who you are intact."

In other words, if you're not attached to an inner sense of self and of who you are -- an identity -- you of have a lot of flexibility. Even if you know right from wrong, if you're of a certain mindset.

There's a big hangup with identity, with "knowing yourself," but the fact is that it constrains us. It's good that it keeps us from hurting others, but at the same time it also restricts our actions.

Psychopathic persons have a lot of flexibility when it comes down to who/what/how to be in any given situation. Without a rigid sense of identity, they are free.

Is this right, Zwaq?

"The subcounsious is always in conflict, even with itself." Whose subconscious are you talking about, yours?

Anonymous said...

I need your help/advice, Zhawq. I am relatively young and inexperienced in topics that aren't in my comfort zone.
My impulsiveness and propensity to bursts of anger when frustrated has got me into tight situations often. I seek advice as to how to hide or control this impulse. I feel things won't be easy if I can't keep my head cool when something doesn't go my way.

I am convinced I am not a neurotypical person. I'm not certain if I am a psychopath or if I am a sociopath. I'm not even sure I know the difference. Could you enlighten me?

If you prefer, I could contact you through e-mail.

Anonymous said...

The subconscious wants it all constantly, so its really not in conflict. But it really doesn't stand for anything so it can want conflicting ideas! Although it would be fun to know how perverted a psychos brain is because sexually referring to our subconscious, there are no rules. Yikes! :/

Zhawq said...

Anon Oct. 4, 11:19 AM:

"I need your help/advice, Zhawq. If you prefer, I could contact you through e-mail."

It is always best to do this kind of thing via email for several reasons. You don't want details about your private life publicized, and we are likely to be having several exchanges some of which can be lengthy and therefore exceed the limitations of comment board bandwidth.

So yes, please do write me and I will do my best to give you sound advice.

Zhawq said...

Anon 'Cheshire Cat Smile',

thank you for your kind words. I like to think that I am no less human than any others among our species. If we start to put degrees on how human who is we'll soon be in a very unpleasant state where only the most rigidly narrow minded normative neurotics qualify as human.

Zhawq said...

Sabrina:

"Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross"


Beautifully put.

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/elisabeth_kublerross.html#zemFJrZMa4TzIlZG.99 ."


I will make sure to check out the URL. Thanks for sharing. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon Oct. 2, 5:42 PM:

"Well put Zhawq. ... I believe you missed the baby with the bath water. We do have the ability to put our emotions aside, we can detach with ease...when it suits us."

I didn't mean to say I have no emotions and therefore never have to put emotions aside, I was addressing a particular question about whether I have to put my emotions aside in order to act in a manner that may cause harm to others. The truth is that I rarely have experienced a need to do so. I have put emotions aside in other types of situations, though, so in that respect you're correct and it is easier for a psychopath to do this than it is for neurotypical people.

I hope this got some confusions out of the way. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon Oct. 1, 6:10 PM:

"You say some very interesting things but not about manipulation."

You're right. I thought it would be too extensive so I decided to limit the topic and will write about manipulation as a specific behavior in future articles (it'll take more than one piece of text to cover the subject because it is so vast).

"The question and what I am wondering is. If you dont have inner conflicts, then what is your self -- and I am not talking about a self as an psycholigical construct and psychopaths being void from it. If you merely acted out on your subconsious, then wouldn't you be a nutcase Freaudian theory embodied?"

I'm slightly confused about what you mean by 'self' if it isn't my psychological construct but also not my subconscious.

What I can say is that I certainly do have a very conscious sense of self and I rarely act out of subconscious impulse. I act on impulse, but I am very conscious about it and about what the impulse is (about).

On the note of being a nutcase if you merely act on subconscious impulses, then normal people would be more 'nutcase' than psychopaths because they're much more often driven by subconscious elements rooted in emotional inner conflicts that have never been addressed or questioned.

"The subconsious really doesn't act on certainty, as in no conflict. The subcounsious is always in conflict, even with itself."

I don't know about that. I think it differs from person to person how much conflict they have subconsciously. It has been established that psychopaths have less subconscious issues or conflicts than normal people do (which is not the same as saying we're better or even healthier than normal people).

"So what does that tell us about "psychopaths"?"

If you're referring to your statement that everybody's subconscious is in constant conflict I don't think it says very much about psychopaths, except for what I mentioned, that psychopaths experience less subconscious conflicts - and thus less of the symptoms that comes with this - than normal people do.

"Surely you psychpaths must have a radar that tells them what they can do and not do, and were they stand so they don't need to be in conflict?"

Yes, psychopaths have an eminent radar in this respect. It isn't so much lack of understanding or being unaware about things that gets us in trouble as it is different standards that makes us feel and think differently about the prospect of so called negative consequences than normal people, as well as the fact that we very often act out of frustration and a deep need for stimulation that can be difficult to satisfy within the norms of what is considered socially acceptable.

Zhawq said...

Anon Oct. 3, 6:53 PM:

"Psychopathic persons have a lot of flexibility when it comes down to who/what/how to be in any given situation. Without a rigid sense of identity, they are free.

Is this right, Zwaq?"


If I have to be completely honest I'm not always sure what people mean when they refer to 'your identity'. I understand the concept of identifying with what you do for a living, "I'm a businessman" or "a truck driver" etc.

But if we strip all such outer societal categories away, then who are we "really"? Some people identify with a religion, but nobody is their religion, they're somebody who believes in their religion.

So what we are when all outside attributes are taken out of the equation I would put like this: We are our personality, and our personality is the sum of our genetic dispositions, our experiences in life, our convictions, our preferences and dislikes, and so on. All of this is who and what we are.

In respect to likes, dislikes and preferences, etc. psychopaths tend to be more fluid than normal people, we can easily change a perspective if we have to or if it seems like a good idea. The interesting question is: What would we be if we could chose freely and independent of our situation and/or opportunities?

This is a good topic for a future article, thanks for pointing me to it. '^L^,

Anonymous said...

"But if we strip all such outer societal categories away, then who are we "really"?"

*This may be the most interesting question posted on this blog I've seen so far.* Especially since "societal categories" don't really exist.

If this happened -- if we could strip them away -- who would the psychopath "really" be? And who would the "normal" person really be?

My guess is that they would be one in the same.

Without an "identity" -- which normies hold onto so tightly! -- we would all be the same.

Identity and personality are dependent upon each other. Our personality is created by our identity. But both are truly a bunch of crap, yet we hang on to them to ease our fears of being annihilated. Our "individuality" is so important to us, yet it only keeps us in a stranglehold. But it's a familiar and soothing one.

We could all be more fluid if we knew our constraints were in our heads, and if we could let go of the need for individuality, certainty and immortality.

Anonymous said...

Off-topic: How often do you lie? Could you do without lying?

Anonymous said...

It is a rainy day and one of those days that I miss him even though he did not pick me to stay forever. I was only chosen for a little while, but even so I loved him and always will wish for one more text, smile, a glance at his blue eyes...I loved him even though he did not love me back. I would have done anything to be with him forever even though I knew what he was. I loved him!

Anonymous said...

Hi Do you find yourself attracted to women who remind you of your step-mom? The psychopath I know who craved attention from his mom has a girlfriend who looks just like his mom.......CREEPY!!!

Zhawq said...

Anon Oct. 6, 3:05 PM:

"*This may be the most interesting question posted on this blog I've seen so far.* Especially since "societal categories" don't really exist."

Reality as we perceive it is all in our minds, it can't be any other way because we can't sense the universe or the abstract through anything other than our senses, and they work via physical neurological networks in our brains and bodies. Ergo it isn't possible to know what is really REAL.

Life is as real as we perceive it to be, and perception relies to a very large degree on how our society and culture is structured.

I dare argue that psychopathy in the form we see it today did not exist in previous cultures, but then neither did neurotypicality, it simply would not have been possible.

The human species is in a constant process of change, some forms of change we call evolutionary and purposeful while others we call spontaneous mutation. Both can be either good or bad, but normative society in present time fears the latter because they don't have control over it. Ironically, they desperately seek to gain and keep control which is the very trait they hate so much in psychopaths.

"Without an "identity" -- which normies hold onto so tightly! -- we would all be the same."

Now you're talking! We would all be the same A.K.A. nothing, nobody and non-existing. ;)

"Identity and personality are dependent upon each other. Our personality is created by our identity. But both are truly a bunch of crap, yet we hang on to them to ease our fears of being annihilated. Our "individuality" is so important to us, yet it only keeps us in a stranglehold. But it's a familiar and soothing one."

Well said. Yet, with a little adjusting here and there life can still be an interesting journey every now and then.

"We could all be more fluid if we knew our constraints were in our heads, and if we could let go of the need for individuality, certainty and immortality."

This may eventually happen since the present model of individuality as a closed circle that imprisons each of us is becoming increasingly obviously ineffective. It can't hold up indefinitely and will collapse sooner or later. I would like to be alive 1, 5, 10 or 100 millenia from now and see what changes will unfold.

Zhawq said...

Anon Oct. 7, 9:34 AM:

"Off-topic: How often do you lie? Could you do without lying?"

I'm not sure how often I lie, but I know which people I lie to almost every time I speak with them. They're not online acquaintances, however.

I couldn't do without lying for the simple reason that I belong to a condemned minority, and also because I have viewpoints that would cause too much misunderstanding and hatred as a consequence, so living my life would be next to impossible.

Lying has become such an integrate part of my life that I have to be constantly consciously aware of myself - when I write articles and replies for this website and in my correspondence with people who know me via this website - in order to not automatically lie without even noticing it.

If I had to exercise the same constraint in everyday life it would be a very problematic existence. But I have found that I enjoy to be completely honest far more than I could have imagined I would, and that is most likely because I receive positive feedback from you guys, my readers. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon Oct. 7, 5:34 PM:

"I would have done anything to be with him forever even though I knew what he was. I loved him!"

I would've liked to link to a song for you that you would find comforting and nice. If only I knew you a little better, but I hope you'll be alright.

May you some day meet someone who can renew and replace what was lost.

Zhawq said...

Anon Oct. 8, 7:01 AM:

"Hi Do you find yourself attracted to women who remind you of your step-mom?"

Shouldn't it be here that you wrote: CREEPY!!! Lol

No, I found my step mother despicable and revolting in every way, including physically. Sure, she could look good when she decided to, but it takes more to arouse me I'm afraid, and you'd have to look long and hard to find a more frigid uptight domineering and cold, mentally castrating bitch than her.

"The psychopath I know who craved attention from his mom has a girlfriend who looks just like his mom.......CREEPY!!!"

Unless it's a coincidence, or a temporary thing such as him experimenting with seeing how it might feel if he imagines his girlfriend to be his mother - and both is a possibility - this guy must have some peculiar psychological issues that aren't typical for a psychopath.

Are you sure he's a psychopath? Craving attention from his mother does not support that this is the case. Antisocial Personality Disorder (which also happens to be one of the conditions that are very often mistaken for being psychopathy) may be part of it, though.

Though undeniably comorbid mental disturbances do exist in some psychopaths there are many conditions - including some mental illnesses - that can seem like psychopathy but which are in reality something else. It often takes a specialist to find out what is really the matter.

Either way, if this person is a psychopath, his 'mother fetish' (since it can't be a neurosis if he's a psychopath) has nothing to do with psychopathy as such, meaning it isn't his psychopathy that makes him behave abnormally in this manner.

Anonymous said...

His mother has always been mean to him. He was kidnapped as a young child and he argues with his mom about his behavior. He cannot form attachment to people. She does not agree with his stealing from innocent people so he always will try and repair his relationship with his mom. I THINK he craves what he never had missed growing up and longs for approval. The girlfriend was such an approval from his mom and the girlfriend cares for him like a mom. Everything has always been his fault according to his mom.

Zhawq said...

Anon Oct. 10, 4:06 PM,

I think I got it right after all, then. From your description he does seem to have ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder), though it depends on his age whether or not he would get diagnosed as such since people below the age of 18 gets the diagnosis Conduct Disorder. However, there's no doubt that he has other issues as well.

How old was he when he was kidnapped and how did he get back to his mother? How long time was he away from home and what happened during that period? In what way/s has his mother always been mean to him?

Answers to these questions could lead to a better understanding of how he came to develop his issues.

Anonymous said...

I emailed you with more information. Sabrina :)

Zhawq said...

Sabrina:

"I emailed you with more information. Sabrina :)"

Yes, I received your email but never got to read it because my computer finally 'died' as a result of the destruction that was caused when it was hacked back in May. It wasn't a big surprise, though, I knew all along that it was a question about time before I wouldn't be able to work around the destruction that has been slowly corrupting the software deep within the computer's files and data. I couldn't even re-install Windows (or any other operating system for that matter).

So I've had to buy a new PC, and where I live shops are closed during weekends, so I had to wait and spent a few days trying to find a PC that was good but also affordable according to my new limited economical status.

But I am back, and that's what matters, right? '^L^,

I'll be writing you soon.

Anonymous said...

Dear Zhawq,
Thank you for letting me know. Most people from my past would just ignore and never respond. I appreciate your kindness! I am happy you are back and it does matter very much! You are important to many people as you can see....
Sabrina ;)

Anonymous said...

I'll leave this comment here, though it applies overall, not specifically to this post. While you are a psychopath, I am an empath. I walk into a room and not only sense the emotions of others, but (sometimes unwillingly) take them on. Which is why I find your state of being so interesting. Sometimes it would be nice to feel less deeply, and not be the only one crying in the theater at a sad movie.

That said, I hope you feel warmth and peace, and that you are cared for and can experience it in some way that is pleasant to you. A loving connection really can be very fueling and I hope that it exists for you in some way, should you desire it.

Thank you for sharing yourself. It helps to better understand, or at least try.

Anonymous said...

" I found my step mother despicable and revolting in every way, including physically. Sure, she could look good when she decided to, but it takes more to arouse me I'm afraid, and you'd have to look long and hard to find a more frigid uptight domineering and cold, mentally castrating bitch than her."


FUCKING LOL.HAHAHA

Anonymous said...

jon?