Friday, September 13, 2013

Questions About Disloyalty & Distrust - Part 1.


What happens if someone turns on a Psychopath and tells others about Secrets he may have Revealed to them during their relationship?

A Reader asked me some questions about this and I decided to publish my response in an article about the topic of how a Psychopath generally feels and thinks about issues such as Distrust, Disloyalty, and Betrayal. In the following two articles I'll tell you what I have to say about it...

I'm curious as to how a psychopath maintains an intimate relationship for any length of time, say 10 years, without it being figured out that the person is faking emotions, at least, in a Neuro typical way?

This is simply a question about habit, faking emotions become part of your automatic behavior, and sometimes we are more believable than normal people who really do feel the motions they display. Even 'secrets' that might otherwise reveal your nature depends a lot upon how you reveal them and what context you put them into.

If f.x. you say "I've committed murder", and when asked about how and why this came about you say "I did it as an experiment, I wanted to know what it felt like", any normal person will think 'this is not normal, there's something wrong with this man' and will proceed to become fearsome about you. Indeed, professing secrets in this manner will accomplish not more trust but less, because so few understand what psychopathy is and what triggers our reasons - emotional or otherwise - for deciding to follow an impulse to act (whether that action be 'Right or Wrong').

More, let's say, a person starts to catch on and doubt a psychopaths sincerity, do psychopaths feel anything about that when trying to be convincing? In other words, would this be disappointing?

Of course we feel something about it. It is disappointing when an effort you've made doesn't pay out. It always depends upon the person you're dealing with and the situation s/he and you are in, individually and together. Most typically you'll at first try and double your efforts, since when people begin to catch on to you and start doubting you it's usually because you've begun to slack in the first place, you've become sloppy and maybe even careless - a very human thing to do, by the way, and often the very reason why people get caught in all kinds of things from "Sloppy Cheating" to "Sloppy Serial Killing".

But sometimes there's no going back. You may try with a bit of Coercion, but if it's truly too late, if it was a beneficial or otherwise profitable relationship you'll become frustrated and annoyed, but if you realize you can't turn things around and there's no way to change it, you simply move on. This happens from time to time to us all, it comes with the territory of living life as a Psychopath.

Do you ever cry and if so, would it be the same feeling behind tears for you as with anyone?   Happy tears or sad tears?

I haven't cried to make someone believe me since I was child.

On one occasion that I remember, I was crying not because of sorrow or pain but because I was so angry and there was no outlet at the time. I was put in confinement and kept under strict surveillance, so it was my first lesson in patience. Otherwise, as a kid I was very good at crying when I could gain something from it. I was very manipulative, I used my ability to cry on cue for gaining advantages and to escape consequences when I was caught doing something that was forbidden. I'd cry both sad and happy tears if it helped my case.

When I entered Puberty Crying became harder and I used to wonder why. I later learned it has to do with the hormonal changes that boys go through (Male Puberty & Crying). I'm pretty sure my feelings, when I cried, were never the same as normal people's feelings.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello.

This has nohting to do with this particular topic, but what do you do to fulfill the need for stimulation?

What did you do in the past? What are you doing now? How much has aging changed that? Etc.

Anonymous said...

What do you mean by a profitable relationship? What is it that you are gaining? Just curious...

Anonymous said...

My experience with a psychopath was unforgettable. I don't feel as if I was the one being disloyal. I was willing to stick it out and be friends even knowing what was done to me. I was willing to help and keep him on the straight and narrow but he was disloyal and felt as if he did nothing wrong. How do you let someone else purchase stuff for your kids for Christmas and take credit for it?? I was willing to try and understand but he did not feel he needed to explain. So sad......

Anonymous said...

I would like to have revenge on the psychopath who hurt me! I would like to know the best way to go about doing this. Any advice?

Anonymous said...

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

Buddha

Anonymous said...

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future...;)

Anonymous said...

I do not view people as their diagnosis, but as a person. If we understand how and why a person behaves the way they do maybe we can get along better. Why would a person not strive to do that? I know I do.

Zhawq said...

Anon Sep. 16. 8:08 AM,

Answering all your questions here will take too much space, but you will find some of the answers in various articles. I can say that I don't seem to be 'mellowing out' as seem to be common for many psychopaths, though it may still happen of course, since I'm not that old yet. I just have a feeling that I'll always remain the same as I am now. Age won't make me different, but physical inability probably might force me to change in some ways.

Zhawq said...

Anon Sep. 16, 4:49 PM:

"What do you mean by a profitable relationship? What is it that you are gaining? Just curious..."

You will have to use your imagination, friend. Think about it: What can a person gain from a relationship?

I bet my answer will be the same, minus love and close connectedness, and in some cases plus control and a bit of sadistic mind fucking.

However, I am not always the evil demonic playmate from hell. People who have known me will attest to the fact that I can be the exact opposite when I choose to. Indeed, many people only know me as the understanding and fun loving guy they like to hang out with. This seem to be the norm even though most (guys) do tend to be careful to not provoke me or get in my way.

Zhawq said...

Anon Sep. 17, 6:17 AM,

This is the side of many psychopaths that we never hear about, the caring and helpful person who can be such fun to have around. I'm always pleased when I hear stories like this, and according to many of the emails I receive there seem to be many people who have experiences like yours.

I'm not sure what it was that he didn't explain to you, but this is something that I also hear often. I guess it is true that psychopaths tend to have apparently blank spots about their past and present lives that we don't want to discuss.

Since I don't know what exactly it is about in your case I can't make a comment about it, but I can say that personally I always have good reasons for the things I don't want to explain.

About the straight and narrow, this is something that is difficult to understand for most people, but to a psychopath straight and narrow for the sake of the straight and narrow doesn't really make sense. There is too much fun and interesting things to investigate off the beaten path.

Zhawq said...

Anon Sep. 17, 5:39 PM:

"I would like to have revenge on the psychopath who hurt me! I would like to know the best way to go about doing this. Any advice?"

I'm afraid I can't advice you without knowing a lot more about the person and how he hurt you. I would need to know more about you as well.

Anonymous said...

How much would you need to know?

Anonymous said...

I am the one who purchased the Christmas presents for his kids and he refused to introduce me to them. We decorated his house for Christmas together and he took credit for it all to impress another girl. They now live together and she does not even know it was me who did the work. I never said anything because I loved him enough to help him. I would have been happy to stay friends but he thinks I will tell her. I wouldn't do that. I am loyal!

Anonymous said...

I have given you lots of information...

Anonymous said...

"I would like to have revenge on the psychopath who hurt me! I would like to know the best way to go about doing this. Any advice?"

"I'm afraid I can't advise you without knowing a lot more about the person and how he hurt you."

Are you really giving advice on how to get revenge on psychopaths? If so, sign me up. I suspect you'll be inundated with similar messages shortly!

"...I would need to know more about you as well..."

Uh-oh...I feel a bit of a sadistic mind fuck coming on. Anyone have some tylenol?

Are you SURE Zhawq, that you don't want to be "kept on the straight and narrow?" Depending on how that's done, it could be fun and interesting...right?

;-)

Anonymous said...

Hey Zawq
Glad to see ur still kickin it :)
Namaste,lol
~ dreama

Anonymous said...

Maybe give the revenge seeker some advice regarding the "wanting" process he/she's investing in:
1) When pursuing poisons, youu always want more of what you DON'T need
2) you become what you think about all day and eventually, those days become a lifetime
~d

Anonymous said...

How do you not even acknowledge someone that you were intimate with? Or friends for 2 years knowing they helped you out went they needed it? If a person is good to you should you not be respectful back?

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Zhawq said...

Anon Sep. 20, 1:46 PM:

"How much would you need to know?"

I would need to know a many personal details about him as possible in order to get an impression of his personality, what matters to him, what are his weaknesses, and so on. And because it would be your situation I would need to know something about you too in order to avoid you getting hurt.

If you wish to pursue this I'd ask you to write me an email. I can't do this on a message board since it would take up too much space - and you wouldn't want your life and your plans exposed here.

.....

Anon Sep. 20, 5:27 PM:

"I am loyal!"

I believe you. But I can't tell from your description if he promised you to introduce his kids and then backed out after you bought them presents and invested time in this idea. You see, he may not have introduced you, and that may have felt like a slap in the face when you were willing to go all the way for him, but if he never promised you to let you into his past he didn't technically do anything wrong. Do you see what I mean? You expected him (I'm only guessing here from what I read so far) to behave in accordance with what you signaled that you wanted, and which you felt would be the natural course of give-and-take behavior because that is how most people would've responded. The point is that for as far as no words were exchanged you don't really have anything on him.

He may have made promises without words, so to speak. If this is the case, your situation is no less genuine, it's just different and it can turn out to be very difficult to find allies, for instance.

This was just one example of how I need to know things about him, and about you, in order to find the best solution for what you want to achieve.

Zhawq said...

Anon Sep. 21, 2:56 PM:

"I have given you lots of information..."

You may feel you have, but it isn't that simple, as I hope you can see from my reply above.

.....

Anon Sep. 21, 8:05 PM:

"Are you really giving advice on how to get revenge on psychopaths? ... I suspect you'll be inundated with similar messages shortly!"

You're far behind, baby, I get emails about this all the time and have almost since the day I wrote the first article.

But as you can see from my response it isn't as easy as taking a weekend course. To influence others in any profound way (which is what most people want to do when they're willing to ask others for advice in order to achieve it) you have to get to know that person fairly well. Anybody who tells you differently is bullsh*ting you.

"Are you SURE Zhawq, that you don't want to be "kept on the straight and narrow?" Depending on how that's done, it could be fun and interesting...right?"

Oh I'm sure it could be. I was certainly open to the idea, but apparently the local society where I'm currently living isn't quite as interested in it as I am. So it'll have to wait until I'm out of here.

Still staying on the straight, but f*ck the narrow! ;)

Zhawq said...

"Hey Zawq
Glad to see ur still kickin it :)
Namaste,lol
~ dreama"


Oh yeah, I'm not giving it up yet, haha. Good to see you around too, dreama. '^L^,

.....

"Maybe give the revenge seeker some advice regarding the "wanting" process he/she's investing in: 1) When pursuing poisons, youu always want more of what you DON'T need
2) you become what you think about all day and eventually, those days become a lifetime
~d"


There's always that possibility, but you often don't know what you need or want until you've got it.

You may not really need to get to the end of that road, but trying to be a good driver is a step in the right direction at any rate.

Zhawq said...

Anon Sep. 22, 4:12 PM:

"How do you not even acknowledge someone that you were intimate with? Or friends for 2 years knowing they helped you out went they needed it? If a person is good to you should you not be respectful back?"

That is preconception. You can't presume others will think the same way that you do unless they told you so. This is where so many relationships and friendships etc go wrong, people presume too much about each other and become hurt when others turn out to have interpreted a situation differently from how you see it.

You'd be surprised at just how differently and sometimes opposite people will remember something that took place, it's outright astonishing at times.

Anonymous said...

people presume, assume, expect and hope, and then are bewildered and scorned when things don't pan out as they wished....so weak and delusional. Not that I have done these things before but I'm getting stronger and clearer all the time...

Anonymous said...

I have cried genuine tears

like you, extremely angry and frustrated with no outlet,like you said, I don't think that will ever happen again though

Genuine, although short lived grieving, at the unfair death of my psycho father

Sadness, upon being moved by
pink floyd's the brick in the wall cd's, it got to me

Twice at very well acted characters in movies who's ilk and unfortunate plight was thoroughly like mine

And a few times in childhood when I had no outlet and I was being treated unfairly and in a discriminatory fashion that society often treats us psychopaths

I haven't many tears left, I'm fairly certain they would need to be completely new situations, and powerful, like the death of a kid I don't have

Anonymous said...

Heh, with some of the stuff I confided in my ex, id have to kill her too if she told anyone. I don't care about people at all and I will happily use them to my own advantage. What's worse is I recognise my behaviours and I don't do anything about them because I have no concept of emotions other than false pretences. I wouldn't say I am a psychopath at all. Just someone who is tired of experiences. They nearly crushed me, but now that I am back, I am stronger than ever and they will regret it. I hate the human race so much and quite frankly one day you will see me in political power, shortly afterwards the end of the world will occur. You damaged me humanity so now I will destroy you.