Thursday, August 1, 2013

Stalker Story Ends - A New Psychopath Begins.


It's been a long, hard road that I've been walking these past three odd momths or so since the last time I was able to write any articles, not to mention get them posted on the website, or since I was able to be present online at all, since all my accounts - my email accounts, my domain, my Twitter, my Google Talk and my Skype, and for some time even my Youtube account - all of them had been hacked into by this stalker I mentioned in the very last entry I managed to get written and thrown onto a page, messy and without editing as it was.

My little stalker, or 'Shadow Thief' as I came to call him, did manage to do some damage to my computer which on the surface is the reason I've been unable to get online to do my work. But in truth these things could've been fixed within a week or ten days at the most had it not been for some very odd details that made things go down a totally different path, eventually leading to me reevaluate a lot of what I had come to conclude about myself being able to 'meet the normal person at the middle' with goodwill on both sides, etc.. To be quite honest, I do not thinnk this is a possibility anymore. Not because of me - I did what I should and what I had to do - but because of them - they did not do what they should've done and what they would've done had it been any other person but me who was in the situation I finally found myself in after meeting my stalker.

But perhaps I should tell you a little bit about what happened, and it went like this...

Without trying to go into too much detail about how it happened, I found myself a new kind of situation back in late March when I decided to invite a person who was stalking me into an apartment of mine. I was interested, wanted to know more about him. It turned out he knew me from this website and had somehow found out where I lived.

As I mentioned in the first article, I recognized what we can call a 'dark side' in him, one which he thought wasn't visible to others, but I could see that he saw I could see it. So hesitantly he agreed to make an exchange which would take place by I letting him stay and he in return telling me about himself and being honest when I asked about things he wouldn't ever have told anybody else. However, it didn't turn out as planned, because there was one fact I had overlooked. This guy had read a lot about me online, also the many rumors that I'm a girl, so when he started to stalk me he had expected to find a woman, not a man. Somehow he felt I betrayed him by not being what he had expected and by being far stronger than he had anticipated. In short, he became frightened and stopped talking to me altogether.

Instead he began to access my computer and go through all my stuff while I was not around, and one day I came home to find my apartment completely ravaged. I immediately told him this was it, he would leave and not return. He left, but he also returned. The obsession had become fullblown.

He returned with a band of pals who broke into the apartment and stole whatever they could find of worth. There wasn't much, the destruction he left was the worst. But worse still was the fact that when I called the police they refused to come. And believe me, this is not a bad neighborhood or anything of that nature. The truth of the matter is they didn't come because of who I am. It didn't matter that I have lived up to all the demands from the board and from society in general. It didn't matter that I have never once in my life called on the police without due reason. In other words, I was being given the same treatment I received when I was wounded and needed surgery in my hip: They flat out refused despite the surgery being a routine thing, something they do for thousands everyday. I have assurances for everything, but didn't matter. And so in this case, I could not regain any of my stolen property, nor could I get my front door fixed.

I can be a stubborn man, and besides, I really didn't have much money to use for anything since the main part of my money are bound overseas and what I had had in this apartment was now gone. Again, I could've gotten it back easily because there's no way he or his pals could've spend it that fast, but the police was not interested in catching these burglars, thieves and drug pushers (yes, I found out everything about them and know the police know the very same things that I came to know. Still, they would rather see me pushed into a situation where I might either relapse and become criminal to survive and violent out of anger, or end up dead from lack of food, at the very best an impoverished, broken man with his clothes in rags walking the streets while whichever band of local hoodlums took over my apartment.

From my presence back here online my reader can probably guess what route I took. I was meant to be back in jail or prison now, but I've managed to stay out. All human and citizen rights are on 'disdabled' mode when it comes to me. Now how am I supposed to react to that? Am I supposed to remain a good citizen and go out of my way to please a board that doesn't care anyway?

And so I have changed. I have realized there is no way I will ever be allowed to become a so called decent member of society. Society will see to that! And I have changed my position on psychopathy as well. I had come to accept a good many things about how society defines psychopathy, indeed, the way especially Hare and others describe it. But I am now somewhat back to where I started when I didn't believe I was a psychopath at all. I believe I fit SOME of the profile according to the PCL-R and the scans that backs it up, but I most of all understand that psychopathy is a synthetic construct, or like Blackburn put it already in 1993: 'Psychopathy is a mythical construct. And that's exactly what it is, a mythical construct for a particular mythos, the one that modern day society is build on.

So you could say in a sense that psychopathy is bullshit, there's no such thing. There's only people, with different brain functionings and different upbringings and different IQs and even different sets of morals according to religion or pracmatism.

Knowing very well that my "allseeing" board reads this and that I may face concequences, I nevertheles "have to" be honest - after all, that is what I promised to be with the Psychopathic Writings Project to begin with, and I believe my readers deserve the truth as well. So I'm going to say it as it is: I cannot and will not promise to forever remain the good citizen. My reason for this? A better question would be "Why would I remain forever the good obediant citizen when all I get in return are repeated overstepping my human rights and my rights as a citizen in this state and on top getting treated with disdain and sometimes even ridicule when I attempt to receive what I have the right to receive? Why, I ask you?

Most of those who read my articles are so called normal people, folks who have never been in trouble with the law, but who have also never been through too much hardships, people who pretty much sail through life doing what you're expected and told to do and following the rules, because you don't have that deep, strong roaring need for something more. We're brought up to believe it is normal and good to not want adventure or excitement, that we're supposed to be happy if we get a new kind of delicious dinner we haven't tasted before every now and then, and a new suit every couple of months.

I'm not going to tell you this isn't normal. It obviously is, at least in our day's societies. But to say that anyone who wants more and who are willing to do what is needed to get more are psychopaths because we may hurt someone in the process and not even take it that hard, that is outrageous when you consider the fact that most of you have participated in bullying individuals who couldn't defend themselves since you hit first grade or even earlier. You don't feel bad because you made some poor kid who lived with a drunkard for a mom and no dad in a trailer feel he had to go through hell every single day for maybe years. I've seen you on TV when these kinds of matters are sometimes brought up.

Take a look at the video about The Columbine High killers. What do you see? I bet you see two psychopathic kids who deserved to be bullied because Look how they turned out, we knew they were no good and that's why we bullied them! Well guess again, pal. I see that those kids went through years of hell and they finally turned out the way they did BECAUSE they were bullied on top of having poor situations at home. And one of those kids happened to be a psychopath, not both of them.

Psychopathy is a construct made for the convenience of society so that society can single out individuals who encompass a certain set of traits in their personality. And once somebody has been labeled, or diagnosed, as a psychopath, the psychopathic traits is all anybody ever sees. But I have never met a psychopath who was "just" a psychopath, all have they had personalities that are distinguishable from other peoples' and other psychopaths', they have different ideologies, some have no ideologies, they have different tastes in music, type of clothes, some like to torture and kill animals and never go beyond that, others like to torture and kill human beings but have never found it interesting to do the same to animals, some were fascinated with fire as kids, others were not, some wetted their beds until they were well into their early teens, others did it until they were 9, and yet others didn't wed more than any normal kid.

I am trying to tell you that we are living human beings, and yes, we do have feelings. Right, I do not have all the same emotions that you do, but let me tell you a secret: I have emotions that you do not as well!

So yeah, I was born with a strange attraction towards death and torture and destruction and darkness, and as a kid - given the circumstances I was placed under - I more than dabbled a little in all of these attractions. I have killed, I have set fires, I have raped, and I have held people in an emotional death like thrall until I tired of them. But all that was because I knew nothing about how and why I am so different from the norm, just as the public at large doesn't know why psychopaths are so different from them. If I had been taught about what and who I am from early on, if it hadn't all been denied and met with silence or punishment when I tried to find out why I was different, then I might have turned out differently. But I wasn't told or taught because people around me too didn't know, nor did they want to know or aknowledge that I was different. Even my good sides were kept secret because it couldn't be tolerated that one child had talents and abilities above those of other children....I know this is not a common American way of thinking, but I was brought up in a rural and remote area where people live and follow a very old fashioned lifestyle (much like the one I have to endure now everyday for as long as I'm stuck here in this also remote and rather rural European state). Hence, when I was being assessed the first time I was in jail for murder, I was told about all the bad things about me, but I when was told that I have an IQ of 148 it was done with a shrug and an attitude to signal it was nothing so outstanding that it was really worth mentioning, and I was only told at all because I asked directly about it. Ironically, I didn't know anything about IQ levels, so I walked away thinking my IQ was normal. It was only later when I mentioned it to others that I found out how unusual also that part about me is.

But you blame only me for having been ignorant. Nobody blames the wider population for it's incapacity to have even the slightest taste for educating themselves. It is so much easier to continue with the "Psychos are psychotic and therefore evil" nonsense. At the end of the day there's no use in blaming anybody for not knowing about psychopathy and how psychopaths function, think and feel. But there's also no excuse for continuing to be ignorant and taking all the normal person's little inner psychopathy out on those fewer psychopaths who get recognized for being so.

I stand to what I have always said: I am not sad about being who I am, I am proud of being me and I like to be me. I will never wish to be any different, only to learn how to live life in a more giving way. I don't want to become a good person, I AM good and I embrace the badness that I also am. I am me, and THAT is good!

And this brings me finally to a question some of you have asked me in emails: What do I think about the book 'The Psychopath's Bible'? I will tell you more about this in a future article, but be prepared for you may not like what you're going to hear.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

What was it like to have your home broken into, stuff stolen, and life turned upside down? Did it hurt? It was obviously at very least annoying. Here's an experiment with empathy: what happens when you imagine another person experiencing the very same thing? Does knowledge of being a victim of crime make you any more considerate of others or do you just have an ice cold response?

Anonymous said...

Zhawq you seem to trying to justify an as yet untaken yet premeditated act,have i read too much in your statement,the reason i made the above statement is,& perhaps you'll be able to advise me here,is i have a young pre-pubescent child who is scared of animals,but she has been assessed as an autistic child with strong psychopathic dispositions,& she'll make a similar statement to yours,that she tries to do the right thing but she is forced into wrong doing by the behaviour of others,thankfully though she doesn't have your intelligence,her i.q. is quite below her age average.hat would your suggestions be in the raising of a child who simply doesn't care?

Laura Potter said...

Hi Zawq, I'm very glad to 'see' you're back :)
I actually thought you were in jail, already.

Zhawq said...

Anon 1:26 PM:

"What was it like to have your home broken into, stuff stolen, and life turned upside down? Did it hurt?"

Hurt? No, in fact while it took place I didn't care much about the things, I was observing the guy who did it, he interested me and I wanted to see how far I could "push" him.

It turned out to be true that he has a touch of Schizophrenia. At the end he'd become so afraid of me he stopped talking and imagined himself to be a cat, making only cat's miauw sounds, scratching at panels and walls etc. When he showered he would place a piece of cloth over the drain because drains, holes, tunnels and that kind of thing is frightening to a schzophrenic person. But his obssession made him stay and endure the whole thing - and destroy my apartment in the process.

But it wasn't the stealing and the destructuion that made me angry. No, the angering parts - started afterwards when I realized I didn't have the protetion I am entitled to as a resident of this state who has no issues with the law and who has worked hard to show my will to behave and be as normal as I can, without being criminal or hurting people, and even having helped them, spending hours sometimes everyday for long periods at a time.

Sometimes, if they felt it had been a bit too long since I last wrote/published something, they'd make a case of it and threaten me with the possibility of being send back to prison. Can you imagine to stress that puts on someone who was never schooled in writing or in conducting research of any kind?

So it wasn't the stealing but the treatment from the authorities that got to me. THAT angered me, and anger can almost hurt physically, or create an intolerable tension, if you don't allow yourself to act on it. I'm sure this is a big part of the reason so many psychopaths become drug addicts, it's the only way for them to dampen this insane anger that you feel when you know you're being treated wrong and can do nothing about it.

"Does knowledge of being a victim of crime make you any more considerate of others or do you just have an ice cold response?"

This is a good question, and others have asked it over the years. The question is that it changes nothing. The truth is I can't really blame anybody - the state of this country or anybody else - for hurting and harming people on their whim. But I can become angry when it happens to me and try to do my best to turn things around.

I don't feel anything about the sme things happening to others. That's just tough luck, such is life. And the same goes for me, but when it is me I'll react because I'm not a zombie.

I don't blame them. In a way I even understand them. My rage about them breaking their own vows. their constitution and general human rights, is the anger of someone who happens to be the target (for once), nothing more.

It isn't the corrupted morals that make me angry about this whole thing, it's just my natural fury at not having won the round and at having to do a lot of senseless unneccessary work to put things back in order, work I need not have had to do if the law and the state had kept their side of the social bargain.

But I'll tell them it about their moral obligations, of course.

Then again, I might not, because why bother trying to interact with a party who obviously doesn't want me to succeed, which wants me to die, and when that didn't happen they want to treat me as badly as they can. Why bother trying to come to terms in any way at all with the people in such a system and who feels that way about me (most of them without knowing much about me at all)?

So yeah, I'm annoyed, and angry, at having to do all the work I've had to do and still have left to do. But that's all.

Zhawq said...

Anon 10:35 PM:

"Zhawq you seem to trying to justify an as yet untaken yet premeditated act"

I'm not sure what act you refer to. Are you thinking about my hints at not continuing to try and be something I am not? If so, I guess you're right, there is an element of justification that essentially isn't needed.

"perhaps you'll be able to advise me here"

I have learned several new things about Autism and the prospect of this being combined with Psychopathy as well as some of the differences between the Asperger's version of Austism and Psychopathy, and it doesn't really seem to be possible to be both Autistic and a Psychopath.

The reason for this is that the two conditions have fundamental aspects that are in direct opposition. F.x., the psychopath lack certain emotions but can easily understand and read these emotions in other people, thus being able to use and manipulate them. The autistic person has the emotions but has difficulty reading and understanding them in other people. This is why an autistic person will often be known to say inappropriate things, f.x., where the psychopath is known for his ability to always do the correct thing (unless he just doesn't care, is unintelligent or intoxicated).

Your daughter DOES feel she's been treated unjustly and it upsets her because it's WRONG! Me, I know I am being treated unjustly but I feel nothing about it, I just use the fact that I know it to manipulate my surroundings.

So from what you have written here your daughter seems more to me to be typically autistic with AsPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder). However, in order to really give you useful advice I would need to know a little bit more about your daughter, about her life and the dynamics in the family, etc. I usually think this is better done via private conversation - we can do it by Instant Messenger or Skype (there we can use audio which makes it easier), or we can correspond via email. The latter is often a good start.

If you decide to take me up on my offer to try and advice you as well as I can(1*) you can find my email address under the Contact tab at the top of the page.

..........

(1*) - My wish to provide advice, support and information has not changed and has no connection with any of what I wrote in this article. The anger issue is with the state I presently find myself confined to alone, noone else and certainly not my readers.

Zhawq said...

Laura Potter:

"Hi Zawq, I'm very glad to 'see' you're back :)
I actually thought you were in jail, already."


Hello Laura,

it's great to be back and I'm pleased that you're glad to see me again. Quite a few people thought I was back in prison, and with good reason - I mean, who knows what the authorities of such a depraved place as where I'm at will do to a person just because he's different (since it can't be because I'm criminal or hurt people, for I've been doing the contrary!

But I intend to remain free - that is, I intend to become free, and I'll succeed if it kills me....Just as long as they don't get to do it - kill me I mean. Haha.

'^L^,

Anonymous said...

interesting that on the other side of a criminal act against you,you still can't empathise with others who've been through the same thing,but you remain objective although justifiably pissed that the services your taxes pay for weren't provided,on an off topic,if you were to father kids (assuming youré a man-sorry,new to your blog) you've two kids one psychopathic one not do you think the psychopathic child's struggles with his/her mother,school,other sibling would awaken empathy or do you think you could consciously become empathetic to this child or would you view this child objectively,hope i didn't cause offence to your good self or anyone else

Anonymous said...

Good to read from you again. Yet again I'm finding I can relate to your position zhawq. If you ever get out of there I invite you to visit me in Australia, I can show you what a successful grouping of antisocials looks like, rather harmonious. More like 30 percent rather than 3.
I have also come to the conclusion not to hide, the writing is on the wall. I will publish my first book shortly - a self help guide for antisocials - self awareness. From OUR perspective, not a clinician and/or religious zealots perception.

All the best

Cindy sparks said...

Zhawq will you ever respond to my emails?

Ettina said...

"I have learned several new things about Autism and the prospect of this being combined with Psychopathy as well as some of the differences between the Asperger's version of Austism and Psychopathy, and it doesn't really seem to be possible to be both Autistic and a Psychopath.

The reason for this is that the two conditions have fundamental aspects that are in direct opposition. F.x., the psychopath lack certain emotions but can easily understand and read these emotions in other people, thus being able to use and manipulate them. The autistic person has the emotions but has difficulty reading and understanding them in other people. This is why an autistic person will often be known to say inappropriate things, f.x., where the psychopath is known for his ability to always do the correct thing (unless he just doesn't care, is unintelligent or intoxicated)."

Actually, it is possible. There have been some case studies in the research literature about this combination.

They have the cognitive and emotional traits of both conditions. They lack empathy for others, and also have trouble understanding other people. They tend to be manipulative, but be unskilled at it. And when it comes to reading facial expression, they have trouble with all facial expressions, but have more severe difficulty reading fear and sadness.

Nothing about autism inherently makes it incompatible with psychopathy. The two can occur together, just like you can be both blind and deaf.

Anonymous said...

“I am trying to tell you that we are living human beings, and yes, we do have feelings. Right, I do not have all the same emotions that you do, but let me tell you a secret: I have emotions that you do not as well!”

Could you write about those emotions psychopaths (or specifically you) have and neurotypicals don’t?

Maybe you wanna argue: http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/02/04/the-psychopaths-emotions-what-does-he-feel/

Anonymous said...

Dude take it easy! Don't lose your aim and that was to be a model life citizen (from what I have understood from your blog)? This is life and we are all "psychopaths". The shit I have been through, you couldn't imagine (or perhaps you can:P). I am just telling you that life throws shit at you and the best way of dealing with it is by not losing "the sense" of who you are and want to achieve. Yes this was a fucking twist and seemingly from a very twisted person. You are right, there is no such thing as a psychopath -- why it's called antisocial personality disorder -- which means that we become antisocial or some already are antisocial (fuck labels, those are for weak fucks). We all share some anti- social traits. Don't let you "dark" side flare up by some loser who chases ghost's online. The situation is just pissing you off and don't excuse yourself to revert back to shitty behavior that ultimately lands on your face. I have also called the cops several times and they never came or bothered. Their explanation was that sometimes they need to prioritize things! Do file a report at your local police station though (don't you have insurance?). If you let them get to you and if you end up doing things because of them, then it's you loss. That's why people bully and do shit. If you think about Columbine, who do you think was the sorry loser in the end? The shooters or the bullies. I´m thinking the killers but... Preferably, they all were at lost and only a focused mind can see through that bullshit. Where is your aim? We all become a "psychopath" in one point or another. Don't be overly sensitive to shit! (Sensitive, HAHAHHAHAH!)

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Hi Zhawq

I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts about the differences between psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. Coming from an abusive relationship with somebody that I label either a psychopath with narcissistic traits or malignant narcissist I find that people use these labels without discerning properly.

I regularly visit many homepages and groups of survivors (the term coined to people coming out of a abusive relationship, often with a psy/socio/narc).

The reason I do not term my ex. a psychopath (I have a arm length diagnosis on him labeling him a psychopath)is that he is not able to be alone - he really need somebody to be around all the time. He is intelligent but do not seem to be able to plan for the future, it is more about instant gratification. On the other hand he is not overly bragging or extrovert but more subtle, manipulating people and getting things his way. There are more traits, but I would like to hear your thoughts.

PH

Anonymous said...

I fully agree with the last comment, I called the cops when my roommate stole from me and they did nothing at all. It just seems that these types of situations tend to be messy and you are ultimately responsible for who you let into your home, cops won't help in these cases, just a reality for everyone.

So the right take away is not that you should revert to behavior that violates law and damages other, but rather not to let your curiosity and lack of fear to let seriously unstable people into your life. Also, if you are going to play it straight you have to go all the way, and that means a bank account for you money and renters insurance for emergencies so you don't end up in a position that forces you to pick between illegal action and being destitute.

You stated in one post that you wanted business success and to have a positive impact on the world (I'm paraphrasing), I'd suggest focusing on these goals generally de-risk you life so eliminate obstacles to these long term goals, even if this means passing up opportunity for short term stimulation.

Good luck

Anonymous said...

It seems clear the frustrating circumstances you faced resulted directly from your own actions. For one thing its pretty universal that cops don't want to deal with situations in which one roommate steals from another, as the last guys said. I also know this from direct experience and when it happen to me, even as a life-long law abiding citizen, I got no help. A person is just responsible for who they let into their life and home, just one of those things.

So the conclusion I think you should reach is that you shouldn't have allowed your curiosity and lack of fear to compel you to let an unstable and dangerous person get so close to you. Additionally, realize the fact that you had all your money in cash at your home, and (I'm just guessing here) no renters insurance made it far too likely that you end up forced to break the law or become destitute.

If you are going to play it straight for the purposes of long term success in business and positive impact on the world (which I believe you said you wanted in an older post) you need to go all the way. That means de-risking your life a bit, even if it means passing up some opportunities for short term stimulation. Sure, you might need to break the law in the future (heck, any of us might, I’d steal before starving!) but set yourself up to make it as unlikely as possible, I’m sure that 148 IQ can come up with some ways to stack the deck in your favor!

Hope its not too late.

write my book said...

This is amazing writing.. i love to read..

Anonymous said...

Hi there.

I'm just curious. What's your Sun and Moon sign? And do you believe in astrology?

:D

Anonymous said...

Zhawq,

The questions from one of your readers above:

"What was it like to have your home broken into, stuff stolen, and life turned upside down? Did it hurt? It was obviously at very least annoying. Here's an experiment with empathy: what happens when you imagine another person experiencing the very same thing? Does knowledge of being a victim of crime make you any more considerate of others or do you just have an ice cold response?"

...are straight out of the FBI's material about interviewing psychopaths. They advise law enforcement to ask questions about emotions, which will result in frustration, and then to follow with intellectual questions about the crime scene, victim, or offense, suggesting that mistakes occurred during the crime.

The combination of frustration with emotional questions and inferences of a flawed crime will result in irritation because psychopaths’ grandiosity in thinking means that they feel they do not make mistakes. This annoyance results in psychopaths making impulsive, uncensored statements that may help investigators."

http://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/law-enforcement-bulletin/july-2012/looking-behind-the-mask

Whatdya think?

Ettina said...

One thing I find frustrating, and that you've certainly experienced personally, is how neurotypical people's empathy is often conditional. They feel empathy primarily for those they consider to be their 'in-group' and not for the 'out-group'. This in-group/out-group division is quite subjective and individual, and can change at a moment's notice. Two countries can be allies, and their people see both countries as part of the same in-group, but then when the countries go to war, the other country becomes an out-group, and people stop empathizing with the enemy soldiers. Very often, when neurotypicals find out that someone has caused serious harm to another person, this can relegate them to out-group status, regardless of the reasons for their actions or their attempts to change. (Pedophiles, for example, are often made miserable trying to fight their urges, but if they slip up once people see them as monsters.) It seems like many people can only feel empathy for a perpetrator or for their victim, but not both of them at once. I don't get it, myself. I find it easy to feel empathy for both at once.

Zhawq said...

Ettina (Aug. 11, 8:00 PM),

I understand what you mean. But though a person with Asperger's may appear to also be a psychopath, it still isn't possible. What IS possible, however, is to have Asperger's Syndrome AND Antisocial Personality "Disorder" (AsPD or ASPD).

AsPD is traditionally part of psychopathy, but newer research is leaning to psychopathy more being a core genetic difference and the antisocial behavior of a psychopath often lacks the typical hatred toward society as a whole which is such a central part of AsPD.

AsPD is the result of something going wrong during upbringing and early adolescence. It can co-occur with both psychopathy, Asperger's Syndrome and other conditions such as injury to certain parts of the brain, but like psychopathy it isn't defined by these things.

Oppositely, psychopathy is NOT defined by traumatic upbringing or head injury.

You might say "What does it matter what the reason is if the effects and the results are the same?", but this is where you have to experience people with the various conditions in order to see certain fundamental differences in how they function emotionally and intellectually. Understanding the differences can be of great consequence f.x. to law enforcement when solving serious crimes.

Zhawq said...

Anon Aug 22, 5:59 PM:

"you are ultimately responsible for who you let into your home, cops won't help in these cases, just a reality for everyone.",

Did I really explain myself this bad? I didn't call the cops after letting him in, I called the cops while he was trying to BREAK IN (and eventually succeeded because they refused to come)!!

Maybe I should write another article describing the line of events so this misunderstanding gets cleared up.

Yes, I led him in, at first. But I never told the cops about that. When I threw him out he returned and proceeded to break in because I wouldn't open the door for him, and THAT was when I called the cops.

I didn't tell them who he was or that I knew him. I hoped to give him a chance to disappear (and not come back) so that nobody would get hurt from the experience.

"So the right take away is not that you should revert to behavior that violates law and damages other, but rather not to let your curiosity and lack of fear to let seriously unstable people into your life."

I know this is what I "should" be doing, but you do realize my life would be intolerably boring if I should start to avoid interesting people just because they Might be harmful?

I am not about to turn my life into a semi prison because I am not allowed to defend myself. Period!

Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at the situation and the totally wrong logic about the whole thing.

"Also, if you are going to play it straight you have to go all the way and that means a bank account for you money and renters insurance for emergencies so you don't end up in a position that forces you to pick between illegal action and being destitute"

I did all that. Didn't help me at all.

"You stated in one post that you wanted business success and to have a positive impact on the world (I'm paraphrasing), I'd suggest focusing on these goals generally de-risk you life so eliminate obstacles to these long term goals, even if this means passing up opportunity for short term stimulation."

Oh I haven't given up on getting my business back up, though it won't happen as long as I'm where I am now.

As for short term stimulation, yes, I can see the logic in what you suggest. But if you knew how my world looks at present I think even the most normal person would agree that it lacks in that department.

"Good luck"

Thank you. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon Aug 23, 5:45 AM:

"It seems clear the frustrating circumstances you faced resulted directly from your own actions."

Surely you're not saying it's my own fault that somebody was breaking into my home?

"For one thing its pretty universal that cops don't want to deal with situations in which one roommate steals from another"

Room mate? Where on earth did you get that?

"as the last guys said. I also know this from direct experience and when it happen to me, even as a life-long law abiding citizen, I got no help."

Yeah, I know. I've met several people who didn't get help even when they were being harassed and beaten by a spouse or resident. I'm not sad to say that I've helped out a few such people my own way (though I'm not going to tell you how because I don't want to end up behind bars again).

"A person is just responsible for who they let into their life and home"

Is a person also responsible for their acquaintances' actions? Man, I'm responsible a lot of things I don't even know about, then.

"So the conclusion I think you should reach is that you shouldn't have allowed your curiosity and lack of fear to compel you to let an unstable and dangerous person get so close to you."

Maybe you're right. Either way, he was "close to me" whether or not I wanted it, he was stalking me before I became interested in finding out more about him.

"Additionally, realize the fact that you had all your money in cash at your home, and (I'm just guessing here) no renters insurance ..."

Yes, you're just guessing there. I DID have a renter's insurance, always have had that when I rent a place. However, for this state that's in the past, I'm no longer having insurance while I live here.

"If you are going to play it straight ... you need to go all the way. That means de-risking your life a bit, even if it means passing up some opportunities for short term stimulation"

You may not believe me, but I have done that a LOT. Still, I cannot be an entirely different person, I DO need stimulation, that's a fact. And if I don't get it for an extended period I become unbearable to be around - unstable, you could say. I've even reverted to drinking or taking drugs but that made me behave worse (and besides, I didn't really like most of it).

"Sure, you might need to break the law in the future (heck, any of us might, I’d steal before starving!)"

Why there you go, you're human after all. ;)

"but set yourself up to make it as unlikely as possible, I’m sure that 148 IQ can come up with some ways to stack the deck in your favor!

Hope its not too late."


It's not too late. I always get out on top and I will this time too. If this state only wants to use me for research and then screw me over, so be it.

I'm not antisocial in the sense that I Want to damage normative society, and there are other places in the world who'll know that I can contribute with something that will be for the good of everybody.

Thanks for your input. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Write my book:

"This is amazing writing.. i love to read.."

Wonderful. I hope you'll continue to like it. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon Aug 31, 1:10 PM:

"I'm just curious. What's your Sun and Moon sign?"

Uhm, I think the succession is: Aries, Sagitarius, and Leo.

"And do you believe in Astrology?"

I think it can function as a divination method just like any other method. It is not so much the system as the person who uses it that determines whether or not it works.

Zhawq said...

Anon Aug. 2. 9:44 PM:

"interesting that on the other side of a criminal act against you,you still can't empathise with others who've been through the same thing,but you remain objective although justifiably pissed that the services your taxes pay for weren't provided"

I think it's fair to say that I am able to sympathize with others, but I can do that also about many things I haven't experienced myself.

"if you were to father kids (assuming youré a man-sorry,new to your blog) you've two kids one psychopathic one not do you think the psychopathic child's struggles with his/her mother,school,other sibling would awaken empathy or do you think you could consciously become empathetic to this child or would you view this child objectively"

I'm a man, but I think a female psychopath would more or less feel the same way that I do. I would not be likely to feel more empathy to either child, but I think I would more readily understand the psychopathic child's way of thinking.

"hope i didn't cause offence to your good self or anyone else"

You didn't offend me, and I'm very sure you didn't offend anyone else. All types of questions are welcome - with the exception of flaming and trolling disguised as questions, but I recognize those before they get posted. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon Aug. 7, 6:19 PM:

"Good to read from you again."

Thank you. :)

"...If you ever get out of there I invite you to visit me in Australia, I can show you what a successful grouping of antisocials looks like, rather harmonious. More like 30 percent rather than 3."

This is interesting, I'd like to hear more. Perhaps you would send me an email?

"I have also come to the conclusion not to hide, the writing is on the wall. I will publish my first book shortly - a self help guide for antisocials - self awareness. From OUR perspective, not a clinician and/or religious zealots perception."

This is a great idea.

I have a book in the works too, though mine is more of a combined information-and-autobiography kind of a book, but I've been cut off from my publisher resource (yet another part of the incessant attempts to shut me up) and may have to find a new one.

"All the best"

The very same to you and your friends. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon Aug 14, 1:05 AM:

"Could you write about those emotions psychopaths (or specifically you) have and neurotypicals don’t?"

I realize I've described this wrong and have been expecting that someone might ask me about it.

The truth of the matter is we (psychopaths) probably don't have emotions that normal people don't have as well, the difference is that psychopaths have some of these emotions to a degree and towards things/situations/i.e. that normal people do not.

"Maybe you wanna argue: http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/02/04/the-psychopaths-emotions-what-does-he-feel/"

There may not be anything to argue about after all, but I will certainly pay your website a visit, perhaps we can exchange differences. Awareness and therefore learning is what it's all about, right?

Zhawq said...

PH:

"I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts about the differences between psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists."

I have written about these differences (take a look here). You might also want to look through my Labels list to the right in order to find some of the subjects you're looking for.

I should perhaps write some new articles on the subject as much of the old texts are implemented in various articles. Thank you for reminding me, I will certainly keep this in mind.

"Coming from an abusive relationship with somebody that I label either a psychopath with narcissistic traits or malignant narcissist I find that people use these labels without discerning properly."

Narcissism is usually - but not always - part of the psychopathic condition, but there are fundamental differences. A psychopath does not feel shame or humiliation (or does so only fleetingly) whereas to the narcissist these emotions are enhanced and are often what drives a malignant narcissist. Oppositely, a psychopath may pretend to have these feelings, indeed, pretending feelings and emotions is a big part of a psychopath's everyday behavior, because we know we're expected to show emotions and we'd have a hard time socializing if we didn't.

"I regularly visit many homepages and groups of survivors (the term coined to people coming out of a abusive relationship, often with a psy/socio/narc)."

Yes, I'm aware of many of these websites and communities. Perhaps not surprisingly many of them tend to exaggerate not what they have experienced but how normal it is to experience it, thinking there exist far more psychopaths than is the case and mixing up psychopathy with other conditions that have some of the same traits.

Don't get me wrong, I understand why this happens, but it is sad even so because it doesn't help, quite the opposite. What is good about these websites is the support they can provide victimized people in between.

"The reason I do not term my ex. a psychopath (I have a arm length diagnosis on him labeling him a psychopath)is that he is not able to be alone - he really need somebody to be around all the time. He is intelligent but do not seem to be able to plan for the future, it is more about instant gratification. On the other hand he is not overly bragging or extrovert but more subtle, manipulating people and getting things his way. There are more traits, but I would like to hear your thoughts.

PH"


This to me suggests that he may have a disorder called Codependent Personality Disorder, sometimes categorized as a sub type of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Zhawq said...

Anon Aug. 17, 11:13 AM:

"Yes this was a fucking twist and seemingly from a very twisted person."

Not 'person', The System itself, pal. Believe me, I don't ever lose sense of who I am or what I want to achieve, but every once in a while you get forced to rethink your position and that's what happened here.

"(fuck labels, those are for weak fucks)"

Weak fucks who sometimes happen to have power over the stronger fucks who then get really pissed and will aim to change things.

"Don't let you "dark" side flare up by some loser who chases ghost's online."

You got it wrong. this is not about the schizophrenic dude who stalked me. Hell, I used the guy. Read again, pal.

"don't excuse yourself to revert back to shitty behavior that ultimately lands on your face"

I don't plan to either. I see why it can look like that's what I was saying, but luckily I have better ways to deal with things. It's my mindset toward certain instances in society that has changed and the way I'm going to go about things have changed with it.

"I have also called the cops several times and they never came or bothered. Their explanation was that sometimes they need to prioritize things!"

I have to say that at least they gave you a logical explanation. How unfair it may have been, they really do have to prioritize. What they don't have to do is to go: "Yes, I can hear him in the background scratching at your door" (while he was trying to break in) and then proceed to then and there state you're breaking into your own home and they'll not come to investigate. They do not have to refuse to look at the mess after it's happened so that you can't use your insurance. They also don't have to ridicule you when you repeat your calls and say you've imagined the whole thing and you are hallucinating so you should go and get yourself hospitalized. They don't have to state - over the phone without having any knowledge about what happened whatsoever - to say flat out they don't believe you and they will therefore not come. - And remember, I live in a nice neighborhood, so there's no excuse in that regard either.

Am I getting through to you yet, my friend?

"Do file a report at your local police station though (don't you have insurance?)."

Did that, been there, rinse and repeat! (read above)

"If you think about Columbine, who do you think was the sorry loser in the end?"

They were big kids with lack of guidance. You can't expect children to not react when they get mistreated, it's a wonder how many kids just take it. If more kids reacted like the Columbine High kids did, perhaps others would start to teach their children manners.

"they all were at lost and only a focused mind can see through that bullshit."

I agree.

"Where is your aim?"

I'll have to keep that to myself for the time being. But I'll continue writing - though I may publish a bit irregularly for a while yet, I still need to blow off steam. :)

"We all become a "psychopath" in one point or another. Don't be overly sensitive to shit! (Sensitive, HAHAHHAHAH!)"

Yeah, sensitive, that's me. *grins*

"Good luck!"

Thanks, pal, and same to you. '^L^,

Anonymous said...

"The reason for this is that the two conditions have fundamental aspects that are in direct opposition. F.x., the psychopath lack certain emotions but can easily understand and read these emotions in other people, thus being able to use and manipulate them. The autistic person has the emotions but has difficulty reading and understanding them in other people. This is why an autistic person will often be known to say inappropriate things, f.x., where the psychopath is known for his ability to always do the correct thing (unless he just doesn't care, is unintelligent or intoxicated)."

There's a difference between "reading" and "understanding" that could be elaborated. Research indicates both autism and psychopathy are often characterized by difficulties in at least one of these.

People on the autism spectrum have more trouble, on average, at understanding others' perspectives: that includes recognizing that someone would have different perspectives, and also understanding why they would have these perspectives if they differ from their own. SOME people with autism (which is one disorder on the autism spectrum) may also have impaired facial recognition -- not in the sense of reading emotions, but in the sense of telling different people apart. However, others with autism have no difficulty with this. So for people on the autism spectrum, it's more an issue of "understanding", with difficulty at answering the question "Why is she sad if I'm not?", but not difficulty in "reading" emotions.

Meanwhile, psychopaths have more trouble, on average, at recognizing emotions through facial/vocal expressions, including sadness and fear. However, psychopathy is also characterized by intact ability at understanding others may have different perspectives and the reasons they would have such perspectives. So with psychopathy it's more an issue with "reading" than "understanding", at least "understanding" in a non-emotional sense.

These are common traits, not rules; they aren't part of the definitions/criteria of either autism spectrum disorder or psychopathy, so these incongruencies alone don't rule out comorbidity of these conditions.

For most intents and purposes, AsPD and psychopathy are more or less different terms for a general disorder. Certain notions of psychopathy gave way to the evolution of a set of diagnostic critera - AsPD - that dropped the criteria for personality traits in favor of less subjective assessments.

GenericNameHere said...

FINALLY! This is what I've been waiting for since I first started reading this blog. Congratulations Zhawq for finally coming into your own humanity and being a big enough person to shed the bullshit.

I do have one quick question though. What did you FEEL when you were a young man and, after having been angered by someone to a point, you decided that you would do something to THEM. Something trivial like slashing tires even. What did you feel when you were on your way to do such things? Specifically...when you were on the way there, and while doing them...not after.

Anonymous said...

Here's a reality check:

You are a psychopath. Narcissistic to the point of delusional insanity. You actually think you're so special that you can see a wider reality. What you're seeing is the same as everyone else-- in your delusions you just don't realize it.

Anonymous said...

Anon
HERE's a reality check.
He is undoubtedly a psychopath with narcissistic traits and this in no way makes him special in itself as there are many others in this category. BUT with their 'average' IQ, the majority are just not capable of seeing things as someone with a 148 IQ can do. This is one of the reasons I get so much 'fun' from reading his writings and hope he continues being active on this blog.