Thursday, April 18, 2013

Psychopathic Obsession Going Too Far.

This is a messy and unfinished article. I'm posting it only to ensure my story doesn't get lost, for at this point I cannot be certain whether I'll be able to complete this part of my work (due to the nature of what is happening; the reader will understand why). If you read it, be prepared for repetitions and a good deal of trailing off.

Of course I do intend to complete this article - it's likely to be a small series because the extensive contend.

So... this isn't an article at all, really. It's something I would usually keep in a draft and publish only when I'd written a complete and legibly well done piece of work.


Future be articles (among others, of course) will be about: One of the traits that many psychopaths exhibit: Obsession; My own life as it looks at present; My Stalker encounter, what started it all, how things are going these days (in case it's going to be lengthy), how it was ended, and my exquisite nailing down this guy's psychology.

Of course I've known all along why he's doing it, and to put it plain and simple, he's doing it because he's afraid of me! And he also knows he already lost!


That's right, and you know it is the truth, my Shadow Dancing child! '^L^,


Wish me luck, guys!....

I'll be back and going stronger than ever soon enough....'^L^,

Zhawq.

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Your Gentle Host Once More Welcomes The Reader. :)

I've meant to publish several articles that I've been working on, but I've had the unlucky fate of being the coveted target of malicious attacks from no less than two corners. One is an annoying and apparently strong kind of flu - this is the very first time I have the honor of falling prey to the flu, and I must say it has some very frustrating characteristics. - But the other attacker is somewhat more substantial in that it's a real person who has become obsessed with me in a not very forthcoming way, to put it lightly. I literally have to be on my toes and remain alert - even when I take a nap (I don't sleep at places where he can gain entry), and boy is this flu an annoying condition to have when you're also trying to stay ahead of a stalker, hacker, thief break-in artist and more.

I know my stalker quite well, even though we have only spoken to each other a few times, and I have had to guess about his past, but it doesn't matter, ... I know! And he knows I know, which in my opinion is the real reason that it came to this.   He said I had promised him money, and then switched to saying I owed him money. Since I didn't have any money with me at the time, it was easy for me to remain unmoved.

Apparently it wasn't as easy for him, he flew into a rage and accused me of being possessed by Satan (I'm not a Satanist. I study all possible beliefs but never become a faithful myself. I want knowledge, not salvation from an outside power I can't comprehend). So this guy wanted to take me somewhere to be cleansed, but I think he was more busy with finding a way to get more cocaine, because he left and that was that...

Or so I thought. - This guy is  born liar. Something as simple as telling you he spoke a second language that I also speak he just couldn't tell the truth about. Had to say "I don't speak that language!". But he did, and he does, he's been using it to try and hack into every setting and function in my computer (with some success, if perhaps temporary).


I came upon this song by Madonna. The music isn't the most inspiring - actually, I can't remember the tune now, and it's been little more than 15 minutes since I heard it three times (for the sake of catching the lyrics right - you can find lyrics on the web, but oft times those lyrics are incorrect, and I dislike that. So I took the time to write it all myself....and then I made a search anyway and found this well-written and fitting version...::





                                       "Broken (I'm Sorry)" by Madonna.


(Don't you feel sorry, don't you feel sorry...)

Broken like a crooked smile
A little hunched over but I walked that mile
I've woken from a fuzzy dream
You never would believe the things that I have seen

Don't you feel sorry for me
'Cause I'm right where the universe wants me to be
A lesson that I needed to learn
But that doesn't mean that it doesn't burn

Don't you feel sorry
Don't you feel sorry
Don't you feel sorry for me
'Cause I won't change my story
Don't take all my glory
Don't you feel sorry for me

Tied up with leather and rope
A little bit of medicine to give me hope
I'm inky like a smoking gun
It's gonna take a while to heal the damage done

Don't you feel sorry for me
'Cause I'm right where the universe wants me to be
A lesson that I needed to learn (A lesson that I needed to learn)
But that doesn't mean that it doesn't burn

Don't you feel sorry
Don't you feel sorry
Don't you feel sorry for me
'Cause I won't change my story
Don't take all my glory
Don't you feel sorry for me

(A lesson that I needed to learn)
No pain, no gain, no defective parts
No dirty business, no forgiveness, no broken heart

(Don't you feel sorry)

Don't you feel sorry
Don't you feel sorry
Don't you feel sorry for me
'Cause I won't change my story
Don't take all my glory
Don't you feel sorry for me

Don't you feel sorry
Don't you feel sorry
Don't you feel sorry for me
'Cause I won't change my story
Don't take all my glory
Don't you feel sorry for me


I'm still ill with my first flu ever. It ins\t that bad. I've almost stopped eating until I get past it, so I hardly have issues with having to run for the restroom all the time. But when I do, ...holy smokes! As a result of not eating much - and probably the flu itself is causing some of it - I'm somewhat weakened physically, and that's the most inhibiting part of it all. Still, I prevail as I always do, and I'll be back once I've dealt with the situation.

What situation?

Well, it isn't only the flu I'm being attacked by these days. As we know to be a real possibility when you dare to publicly say unconventional things and communicate different and maybe new (or ancient) ways of thinking and doing things, you may become the target of someone who may or may not be a psychopath, but who definitely has a trait that psychopaths often display to lengthy and destructive ends.

And someone with this particular trait has finally found me worthy of his ongoing attention, along with all the damage that he's trying to do. The reason? I think it provides a little more detail, and still I may have it wrong (though I don't believe I do).


One late night in town, I stopped to talks to someone I recognized at the sidewalk. It was right in the middle of the worst neighborhood's most heavily trafficked pusher area. I'm not afraid to go there and have done so out of curiosity even as a young boy. The reason I drove through this neighborhood on this night is of no consequence to my story, so I'll leave it at that: It was convenient.

I caught up with my guy and we had our exchange, whereupon I started back toward my vehicle. But another man, someone I hadn't seen before, ran up to me and asked if I would lend him some money. I said what I always say to these types of requests, that I don't have any money to lend (which is mostly true. I rarely carry cash with me anywhere).

Something unusual happened in silence when he paused and looked me into the eye. I know what it was, but it happens very rarely. It was a mutual recognition of sorts, we somehow recognized the capacity for violence and for being destructive, and sure enough, a little later we had something like a cautious conversation. During the conversation he also told me that he had a Schizophrenia diagnosis. In my opinion he may have periodical psychotic episodes, but I see no Schizophrenia in him. 

But since he's not unable to handle so called hallucinations or go about his everyday life (however pitiful and destructive it may be - it's a fact that he copes well with his inner consistencies regarding reality) in my understanding this makes a Schizophrenia diagnosis unreasonable and wrong. A schizophrenic person cannot cope but shows a range of symptoms. This guys does not (unless he decides to - a Schizophrenic person doesn't have the luxury of choice in this respect but is caught in a mixture of everyday- and very personal inner reality). I think my new acquaintance may have helped the good doctors diagnose him for his own reasons.

He certainly has a profound taste for drama in life. He tells me that he is very mistrusting of everybody, that he doesn't believe in people and expects deceit, lying, stealing, and absence of  

,  malicious proto-Chrisitan liar, thief with the mark of those who steals from friends and family, pretender, potential future killer for non-sensible misunderstandings about the reality he shares with other beings, unless a childish selfish rage caused by his fragile mind's inability to keep control in the long run. A psychotic episode could be all it takes for this dude. Currently I seem to be in the line of sight and I'm aware of the possibility that his ager and obsession with me and my whereabouts and doings, along with his attempts to control how close to me he can be at any time.

The common behavior that night when he tried to coerce me into giving him money (I don't quite understand that he even tried that technique, surely I don't come across like a virgin in terms of street prowess (unless I choose to, and I had no reasons to do so that evening) would have been to look for other ways and to forget me altogether.

Obsession is one trait that many psychopathic people have a propensity for. Many who have been the target for such a situation do often report month long stalkings along with malicious phone calls and destruction of property. Threats occurs as well, and the stalker - even when he aren't allowed to get within a distance of 1 mile (1,5 km) of his subject, can't help himself (and doesn't really care about the consequences anyway, often feeling so in the justified position that nobody can possibly end up sentencing him for any wrong doing).

The greatest problem is usually that the subject's legal rights can be very difficult to maintain for the law enforcement, since they will have to monitor every coming and going to the subject's home 24/7 and also shadow it's own movements, and this is just too costly (after all, the individual isn't really the first priority to society), and most people don't have access or a fat enough wallet to hire bodyguards.  - at least theoretically and technically - could take on an even more sinister tone.  talented at climbing and moving silently - I've witnessed him do it around my own home on more than one occasion. 

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I understand. Im not him by the way.I find myself attracted to those like me, or those implementing abuse. Seems he considers you worthy. WHo is it gonna be eh.

Considering your position, it gives rise to some interesting possibilities. Good luck. Bite a leg.

Anonymous said...

You sound rattled by this stalker. Does he know you from this blog as well as from real life?

You say "I think my new acquaintance may have helped the good doctors diagnose him for his own reasons," and you say there was "recognition" when you looked at each other, acknowledgement of the possibility of violence. You are saying he is a psychopath, right? Or a sociopath, at least?

"Obsession is one trait that many psychopathic people have a propensity for." Are you saying psychopaths can be obsessive, or that they attract obsessive individuals or create obsessive behavior in others, or all of those?

Sometimes obsessed people abruptly become obsessed with someone or something else when there's no drama left in the current situation. If you stay off the radar, he may grow bored and look for stimulation elsewhere.

Hope you kick the flu and this stalker very soon.

Even if you have no appetite, drink broth of some sort -- the salt and other electrolytes will give you strength.

Anonymous said...

Anything new on the stalker, Zhawq?

Brittany said...

Sorry to hear someone's stalking you. Good luck with getting rid of them.

Anonymous said...

I think this is one of the most interesting posts so far, kinda shows more clearly what it is to actually be a psychopath. The earlier ones have bee more about trying to be intellectual.

Ukan't do-it said...

Everyone knows you're just a pathetic loser with an eating disorder. Please stop writing your terrible blog posts.

Anonymous said...

Did your stalker win ? He's not belgian is he ? I had a funny visit from an internationally travelling antisocial.
In this article you sound like a sociopath dealing with a psychopathic stalker. I am wondering now, weighing up all that I have read here, plus the thousands of hours spent studying the subject in general, about your level of learning in regards to yourself and others. You seem to consistently learn and adapt, more so than I am led to believe than is capable for a hardcore psychopath(Not a born sociopath with early life experiences though). Although you have been tried for murder on more than one occasion....

ps While I feel like recommending a teaspoon of concrete in the morning, pour as much chilli, perhaps cayene pepper, into a shot glass with strong clean alcohol, like vodka, and shot at will. You burn the flu out and have a good night getting pissed and delirious.

Anonymous said...

I hope this blog isn't dead! It was fun reading things from another POV.

Anonymous said...

did he kill you?

Anonymous said...

what guarantee does society have that you wouldn't kill again should the opportunity arise,i don't mean to be offensive or rude,but you aren't able to empathise with or feel guilt for the families of those you harmed,but you didn't get 25 to life or did you? did you kill in self defense?

Kailin said...

Hello. 20 year old girl here. I have just discovered your blog, and I was wondering if you could help. I was recently diagnosed with ASPD and frontal lobe damage. My psychiatrist thinks I'm a psychopath because of my MRI results. I'm pretty sure I'm not, though. I was never caught breaking the law and I consider myself a very nice person. I'm also sure that I feel emotions from time to time. Can you please help me? Is there any way my psychiatrist could be wrong? This is quite annoying.

Zhawq said...

UKan wrote:

"Everyone knows you're just a pathetic loser with an eating disorder. Please stop writing your terrible blog posts."

Why you're most welcome, ol' friend. It's good to know I still have some of my old - obsessed? - anti-fans around still. ;D

Zhawq said...

Anon May 29. at 2:39 PM:

"I think this is one of the most interesting posts so far, kinda shows more clearly what it is to actually be a psychopath. The earlier ones have bee more about trying to be intellectual."

Personally I don't think fondly of this article. Actually, to me it doesn't look much like an article at all, I wrote it in a hurry and didn't do any editing so there's bound to be a lot of repetitions and loads of other mistakes.

But thank you for your kind words. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Anon May 29. at 2:39 PM:

"I think this is one of the most interesting posts so far, kinda shows more clearly what it is to actually be a psychopath. The earlier ones have bee more about trying to be intellectual."

Personally I'm not fond of this article at all. Actually, I wouldn't even call it an article, it was written in a hurry and wasn't edited so it's full of mistakes and repetitions.

But thank you for your kind words. '^L^,

Zhawq said...

Brittany wrote:

"Sorry to hear someone's stalking you. Good luck with getting rid of therm."

Thank you, Brittany. I did get rid of him (yeah, it was a guy who thought I was a woman because he'd read the rumors on the Internet, lol). The problems came after him, I've published an article where I describe it.

'^L^,

Ettina said...

"I was recently diagnosed with ASPD and frontal lobe damage. My psychiatrist thinks I'm a psychopath because of my MRI results."

If your ASPD resulted from your frontal lobe damage, I'm guessing you have damage to the ventromedial/orbitofrontal area (right behind the eyes).

From my research, it sounds like this type of brain injury can mimic psychopathy, but isn't exactly the same, and it can also vary quite a bit from person to person.

Firstly, how old were you when you got your injury? Do you remember what it was like for you before your injury? It's easier to tell whether your emotional capacity is different if you have an acquired condition, because you can think back to what it was like before you had it. Although some brain injuries can affect the ability to remember feeling a certain emotion, you'll probably still be able to remember how you used to act.

In general, the rule seems to be that right orbitofrontal damage affects negative emotions (except for anger), and left orbitofrontal damage affects positive emotions and anger (often causing depression), but which specific emotions are affected (if any) is variable. For example, you could lose the ability to feel guilt or fear (which would cause psychopathic-like traits) or you could lose other emotions instead, such as embarrassment. (Loss of embarrassment can cause a person to be socially inappropriate, but not particularly harmful to others. I don't feel embarrassment, as part of my particular flavor of autism. As a result, I'll tell random people personal details about myself, and do weird things without worrying about other people seeing me, but I'm really a very kind a caring person.)

In addition, people with orbitofrontal damage often struggle with controlling impulses and planning ahead. This is more closely related to ADHD than psychopathy, but since many psychopaths have ADHD traits, it can cause confusion sometimes. One important difference, though, is that psychopaths often show high rates of both impulsive and planned aggression, but only impulsive aggression seems to be common in people with orbitofrontal damage. This may in some cases represent someone who would not be willing to do the act if they stopped to think about it, or it may be because they're so severely impulsive that carrying out any planned action is extremely difficult for them.

Orbitofrontal damage can also cause difficulty understanding other people's motivations and intentions, similar to people on the autistic spectrum, so you might seem uncaring when you're actually unaware of how they're feeling. (If so, I can certainly relate.)

Whether or not you actually meet criteria for psychopathy, you're best off getting help from a psychiatrist who has a strong understanding of brain injuries, because you're going to need different strategies than someone who shows the same traits for reasons unrelated to a brain injury.