Sunday, May 20, 2012

Reader: Zhawq Can Never Understand His Psychopathy!

A Reader writes:
"You seem to claim that you're changing and that you are beginning to understand your psychopathy because of your research. But I don't think this is possible. I think no psychopath can really understand his own emotional deficits because if you could you would have to understand empathy and love and remorse and the other emotions that you don't have. And that's never gonna happen because if it did you'd have cured yourself. It seems like that's what you're trying to do, or you're trying to make the readers believe you're doing it, or probably most of all the clinical psychologists who are keeping you in the research program because then you might be free for real.

I think you're deluding yourself if you think you can make them believe you've understood your psychopathy. I'm not just saying it because I believe it, I've also noticed that every now and then you write that you've now concluded that you're not a psychopath at all and it was all a mistake. I think you'll always return to that conclusion because how can you understand that you'll never feel empathy if you've never felt it?

What are your thoughts on this? If you disagree can you explain how you understand your psychopathy?"
It is understandable that some will think I'm putting on a show in order to fool the research board to think I'm "cured" so they'll let me go (some on the board thinks so too). However, I believe I've showed - in the way I approach the various aspects of the psychopathy diagnosis and how it makes a person different from the average non-psychopathic person as well as in the very fact that I've been persistent in my pursuit of knowledge and understanding - that I am sincere. That said, I can't hope for everybody to believe me, but this is the case for everybody and not only for psychopaths.

Your thesis - that my sometimes returning scepticism towards my psychopathy diagnosis shows that I haven't understood my condition at all - is interesting. Right off the bat I would say it's a sign that I am processing the data I research and that I don't take everything at face value. Indeed, this is not just about learning a new language but about learning a whole new way of understanding and seeing reality, it's not any kind of reality. It's a view on reality that implies your acceptance of the perhaps most stigmatized and unpopular social position in present day, you will have to accept and adopt a self view that labels you as Evil by definition, and that is something nobody should be expected to take lightly.

I can foretell what you would say here: "But you don't really in your heart care about being evil". And that's true, I don't care about 'evil' in itself, but I most definitely do care about the position it has put me in as relating to the rest of society. Add to this that I am not devoid of emotion. No living person is! If I had no emotions there would be nothing to entice me to get out of bed every day.

I do care about a lot of things though admittedly not always the same as most people care about. I care about my well being, I care about making a lot of money, I care about producing something that has value, I care about achieving as much as I possibly can, I care about having a lot of victories in my life, I care about always getting better at what I do, I care about having fun and about satisfying my needs and urges, and I care about having an impact upon our society. I care about proving that I can be a valuable asset to society and thereby proving one of two things: Psychopaths can be valuable assets, or I am not a psychopath after all.

As a thinking human being I also believe it's very important to question everything that I learn during my research and not accept something merely because a prominent expert said it or because it's what most people think they know to be true.

But you're right, I do question the diagnosis they've kept giving me!

I'm going to say a little more about the misconceptions that I see in how clinicians define certain psychopathic traits. Either it must be wrong or I am not a psychopath after all but a very misunderstood sensitive person. Here goes...

There are times when I think it can't possibly have any truth to it, that it must rely on bias and a need to "prove" they can assess anybody. I think there are many things they clearly overlooked or chose to not take into consideration when I was diagnosed the first time. What about the second and the third time? They can very well be nothing more than the easy way out: "We can't see what makes him different, so let's stick with what our predecessors said and save face: He's a psychopath!".

One of the prominent traits in the psychopathic character is an inability to tolerate what they call 'Boredom'. I've always called it 'Lack of Stimulation'.
Another prominent trait is the 'Strong need for Excitement'. I call it 'Strong Need for Stimulation' and a 'Strong Appetite for Life'.

The way they explain these traits in psychopaths goes like this: Psychopaths have a very shallow, empoverished, emotional life. They lack deep emotions and that is why they need much stronger sensations before they can feel satisfied.

In other words they say my need for lots of stimulation and my hardships with tolerating monotony stems from my lack of emotions.

But to me it seems to be the exact opposite. I am much more sensitive and talented than most people and therefore I need much more stimulation and lively input than others before my wide range of sensitivities and talents are satisfied.


Anonymous said...

You address a few of the points brought up by the reader, but I do not think you address the most interesting that he/she makes.

The reader believes that you cannot truly understand your emotional deficits because experiencing those emotions is necessary for true understanding of what is lacking emotionally. Since you lack the experience of feeling remorse or empathy, you cannot truly understand your psychopathy. Take bats for example--as humans, we understand the science behind echolocation (which they use to fly in the dark), but because we have never experienced it, we cannot truly understand what we are lacking.

I am interested in your thoughts on this. Essentially the reader is saying that you will never fully understand your psychopathy because to understand the emotions you lack, you must experience them. Thus, to understand your psychopathy you would have to not be a psycopath, in which case you would have no psychopathy to understand.

What do you think? Is it necessary to experience an emotion to understand it? Is it necessary to understand an emotion in order to understand your psychopathy?

Ettina said...

I think that argument applies just as well to a non-psychopath - I don't know what it's like to *not* feel empathy and guilt. Maybe the only people who could truly understand psychopathy are people with ventromedial prefrontal cortex damage (which can result in 'acquired psychopathy') acquired in adulthood, since they've lived both ways.

Connor H. said...

I find, that seeing another person, another psychopath in this world attempt to understand te way they are. I've never felt empathy, I dont feel it, as you do not either. It is difficult, for me to project my understanding of 'empathy' but i believe it will make the most sense to put it like this, I understand empathy, true i dont feel it, but I understand its purpose and effect, unfortunatly i have never been able to fully wrap my head around the notion. I agree with some researchers' research, about psychopaths being extremely intelligent, charming and having a high IQ; and that psychopaths are cold precise decision makers. I feel as though, there is not enough knowledge to the condition of Psychopathy, but then again I do not find being a psychopath a burdan, or dysfunction, or an illness that needs 'curing' others may see so differently, but they are entitled, doesn't effect me. I find an almost, enlifting feeling type, to what I am, and who I am, this is pride I assume. I am an 17 year old male, who is diagnosed with psychopathy. I am finding more and more people, like you and I, who are proud of what they are. Words cannot describe my mental relief when I found this blog this evening, and I would hope that my contribution of something, will help research of this, I would gladly assist in this research if it were wanted. Thank you sir, for your contribution to the researching of this human state of mental proficiency.

Deviant Man said...

Anonymous write:
"Take bats for example--as humans, we understand the science behind echolocation (which they use to fly in the dark), but because we have never experienced it, we cannot truly understand what we are lacking."

That's interesting and it made me think.

I will tell you my story, then maybe somebody can say if it's me who didn't understand or it's normal people who can't - or won't - say things so all can understand it.

In my country thery don't have any diagnosis for psychopathy. At least that's what the books say. But then I started reading up on it and found something astonishing.

I've never said I understand psychopaths, on the contrary, I've always looked down on them for being slobs and wife molesters and so on - until I realized they can be very smart and intelligent thinking human beings.

When I was 19 I was diagnosed with something you [Zhawq] have mentioned was used in the country where you went to prison, and I wonder if it's the same country or if it's just something that's used a lot in Eastern European countries that used to have communism.

I was in jail because we don't have any bail system and burokracy is very, very slow here - just as you wrote it was where you were in prison once. So I was in jail for two years for being accused for having killed a guy - even though it was in self defense. They found out later and released me without sentense and without any compensation - that sounds like that country you were in too.

But before then I was put through a very long psychological measurement by the law system's psychiatrists. And when they had made their decision they came and read it up loud for me in my cell and later also in court where people who came because they were curious or studiyng could hear it.

They said I was a: "deviating character".

In my language deviate isn't always negative, we only have the same word for being different than most. So if you're a great talent you're a Deviating Personality, though you would usually call it Different Personality or Different Character.

I already knew I wasn't like most people because I have for example a very high IQ, and it's difficult to not be different when you always have a lot of ideas and notice things others don't think of. So I was proud of having a deviant character, I wouldn't want to have a common character. Who would? Who wouldn't want to be different and unique?

So I agreed and was happy with the result because I thought it was their way of saying they admitted I was special and they couldn't find anything wrong with me.

I had no idea "Deviant Character" was actually a diagnosis and that it means "PSYCHOPATH"!

Zhawq already knew it [he wrote about it], but for the rest of you who read this you better be warned because if you ever get told that you're a "Deviant Character" it doesn't mean you're unique and special, only that you're the worst kind of person on earth!

Deviant Man said...

I don't feel I'm a psychopath. Do you think it's because I don't understand my pathology?

But I don't feel I'm like any normal person either. I don't feel sympathy for most people and I think most people make bad things happen for themselves and they don't listen if I try to give them advices, so I don't feel sorry for them.

There are exceptions of people I like, but they're not normal. I like Zhawq, what I've read he's intelligent and realistic and not afraid to be different. That's what I admire in a person, but I don't think he needs me to feel sorry for him. It would change anything for him, so why is it so important?

But if somebody is on my side I'm always supportive. I've never hit my daughter and I change her dipers when I'm alone with her alone and the wife is at work and make her bottle have the right temperature.

Why should I feel sorry for people when I know most of them would like to take my money and my wife, if they could?

I'm not different myself and I admit that I sometimes take money from other people when they let me, but I don't expect anybody to have emmpathy with me - only my wife, and I do the samw to her as often as I can.

I don't know what I am. I've met nobody like me, and only very few times I have read books, and now a blog, that I sometimes think about "It's as if I wrote this!". But it's important that it's not about psychopathy, it's about how he [Zhawq] thinks, his logicical reasoning. Except for some the things you've done, it just doesn't seem anormal to me.

So either I'm not a psychopath or I don't understand my psychopathy. I don't know what to think, but I don't feel like a psychopath, and most people say they think I'm a nice person.

Anonymous said...

Ten minutes ago, I googled, "what is the difference between a psychopath and narcissist?" and I found this website....I am impressed with the the high level of intelligence, the articulate manner in which everyone responds, the open-mindedness and somewhat non-judgmental and cathartic verbal vomiting. I am desperately trying to "figure out" whether or not my adult daughter is a narcissist or a psychopath or both! I think she's a little of both! My deeper concern is my 4 yr. old granddaughter and the effects this will have on her. What can I give my granddaughter to help her feel wanted, loved, special, important, significant, etc? What loving life skills can I give her? What behavior can I expect from her as she grows up?
Thank you for your honesty.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, this blog is such crap.

What a liar and coward you are. Weak and shallow and so wrong. These people eat it up. It is funny.

Why bother? You know what a lonely insecure baby you are. This won't change a thing.

Ukan too said...

Zhawq dude, seriously you need to stop killing people! >.<

Anonymous said...

The author of this blog is a pathetic loser who failed in the real world so desperately needed to creat a 'label' for himself to feel like he has accomplished something..

No doubt his thought process was the following,

Dang, im unemployed, lonely, overweight.. Im the lowest of the low.. I know, I will portray myself as a psychopath over the internet! Whats more hip than not feeling emotion!

Seriously, you need to get a job, do something with your life rather than obsessing over your claimed psychopathic tendencies and pretending to be the new Ted bundy

Any response weakling?

Wicked-Lovely said...

I don't think you can fully understand empathy or guilt if you don't feel it- like how a blind person cannot understand colors. That's just how it is. You may think it but you're not (I am willing to listen to explanations though). It is different from a bat's echolocation, first of all we still do not know what echolocation feels like- just how it works, just like reading about how anything works.. totally different from getting knowledge from seeing colors you can't see or feeling what you can't feel. I don't fully understand what it's like to not feel empathy and guilt (and on top of that not even know some of your ideas are "wrong")- I'd like to though.

Anonymous said...

where are ya dude ?
Not in jail again are ya mate
we need you back, I can't find one other decent site like this on the net, its all- we hurt them this, we are evil that. Bring back our great white pointer
we want zhawq...we want...

Anonymous said...

Let's make society a favour, get a gun and kill this guy up. I can do it with a semi-automatic revolver.

The steps to kill someone are as follows:
1> Disconnect from your emotions (turn people into objects in your mind)
2> Utilise your will power (will-power as strong as driving you fists into the the wall or intentionally pouring boiling water on your skin will do)
3> Visualize the act from beginning to ending - repeat until no more emotion is felt
4> Take a heavy dose of caffeine to numb any emotion
5> Pull the trigger
6> Clean up the scene
7> Dispose of the protein vessel

Two wrongs don't make a right but, bloody hell, murder automatically voids this person's life. I don't care what are the laws, natural law has to prevail. In Roman times murder was returned with murder.

Anonymous said...

I had figured that if you try really hard intellectually to understand someone else's position, it is generally quite easy, and I found this to in direct contrast to lacking empathy.
It wasn't until someone patiently and intellectually showed me how it has two layers, and to really understand someone's position you would need to understand exactly what that is like yourself, by doing it and experiencing the same emotions.

while knowing this , I have realised my own form of real empathy can be achieved, but in a sense, my empathy is different to most people, and would only be equal to someone else who is wired just like me.
So if I we can understand another psychopath who is very similiar to us, is this not true and equal empathy ?
And then, to the readers remark that you could never understand your psychopathy - I would reply incorrect, it is you who will never be able to truly understand MY psychopathy.

Ettina said...

"I am much more sensitive and talented than most people and therefore I need much more stimulation and lively input than others before my wide range of sensitivities and talents are satisfied."

I think you're misunderstanding what they mean by sensitivity.

Take the analogy of drinking. Someone who is sensitive to alcohol needs very little to get drunk ('cheap drunk'). Someone else, who is less sensitive to alcohol, needs a lot more to get drunk.

Replace alcohol with stimulation and drunk with overloaded and you'll have the theory of differing sensory thresholds. The people who seek out the most stimulation are the ones who are least easily overloaded. For example, the introversion/extroversion difference is basically how sensitive you are to overload - introverts are more sensitive, so regular social interaction can send them into overload and they need alone time to recuperate. Extroverts are less sensitive, and alone time gets them climbing the walls craving stimulation.

The majority of psychopaths are probably extroverts.

lele said...

IMO, psychopathy boils down to an inability to bond with people coupled with a dominant personality. Every other "psychopathic trait" stems from these traits. No empathy? Who would feel empathy for those puppets? Compulsive lying? It may be the only way to get your way with those puppets, whilst if you spoke your mind, they could give you an hard time, you know. And so on.

Whilst I can empathize with your boredom because of lack of stimuli, rest assured you that if you were a neurotypical, your bonding circuitry could help you alleviate your boredom. For instance, you could grab a fiction book and "bond" with a character, "living" his/her vicissitudes, etc. Since you lack such bonding circuitry, you have to look for remaining sources of stimuli.

I don't know whether psychopaths could be valuable assets to society. Indeed, they seem to possess abilities which neurotypicals lack, but such abilities seem to come tainted. You can never trust something coming from a sociopath, can you? I think the main problem in dealing with psychopaths is expecting them to having signed a social contract which was drafted with neurotypicals' needs in mind.

Zahwq, you say "I care about having an impact upon our society". What kind of impact do you care about, since you don't care about society at all?

lele said...

I'm adding this comment just to enable follow-ups.

Anonymous said...

FYI zhaqw , I just had this situation myself. On a strategy game website where I am a member somebody made a complaint about my language and distasteful remarks.

After the fact, I had a long intellectual debate with the complainer, and it turned out what I had been assuming to be a life truth for philosophy was in it self a direct expression of my psychopathy- the fact that I am completely unable to truly accept a philosophical perspective that takes into account the rights of others.
In the end, I was able to explain why I could not, the implications this has for psychopaths in society, and duly told him to get fucked. Not only did he get it, intellectually, he was dumb founded, with drew his complaint and told me he respected me, even if we were different.
You are no doubt aware of the usual reactions when one admits diagnosis, to do so in a situation where someone was taking direct offence at my words, explain my pathological perspective, tell them to get fucked all the same, and still have them understand was amazing. It would not have happened a year ago.
Recent events, including stumbling on this web site, gave me the understanding to which allowed me to express myself clearly enough that an atypical person was actually able to get it.

What's more, I was able to understand through this honest debate how I was different from the norm and how my overall make up is innately squared against a regulated society. Fleetingly I grasp glimpses of what it is I miss. It seems sad when I think about it from a normal perspective. Luckily we are balanced , and if this ever was a disorder or some sort of natural fuck up, it was a merciful mistake, for I feel no pain in that regard. I won, not quite the answer I wanted though...

Anonymous said...

eagerly waiting for new intersting insights!

MarigoldRan said...

Now here's two interesting questions:

1. Why are you writing this blog? In another post you say you're not emotionally interested in talking about yourself.

2. To what extent can your readers trust you? After all, you lie a lot.

Hinanni Moss said...

May I just send a virtual slap in the face to Anonymous from June 30, 2012 2:36 PM. If you really think killing Zhawq is the 'right' thing to do, then you might as well be a sociopath- you're proposing we kill people for a cause founded on your own opinions. Zhawq *is* contributing to society in a positive way by helping to educate both the scientific/medical community and us, his avid readers. Sure, he's done bad things, but at least he admits to them and doesn't cower behind a self-riotous 'moral' code.
Just my take on things...

Anonymous said...

I think I'm in a similiar position to you zhawq, I am beginning to understand my psychopathy, both in terms of understanding myself and understanding how different types of people view me. I have read much of the available literature, though I like this site because I don't have to interpret things into my own view, its all pretty well here and in first person. I'm at the point where I can now spot others quite well, even when they don't really know.

People , to understand how we can understand our own lack of emotions or empathy - consider this - you now what it is like to not be able to see a trait, behaviour or something in yourself, but it is clear in other people. Only by becoming familiar with this trait in someone you know do you begin to recognise it in yourself.

Or you, say buy a car, something you hardly ever see on the road. Now you see them everywhere. You just have become more aware of them and things don't escape your attention now you have learnt.

Or how when you try to grasp a different perception, view on things, that is fundamentally different from how you interpret reality, you can get a short but clear idea of what they mean, but it quickly fades away as you return to your shoes. You have glimpsed another view point which then aids your overall understanding of possibilities.

For me personally, this site has made a big difference to me being able to understand what the experts and text say, and to what it is actually like in first person. There is a fundamental difference of perception. People like zhawq and I could write a conversion table, typical people say this, we hear this. You think this, it is really like ....

In understanding anything, psychopaths have an innate tendency to see multi view points, perceptions, and to understand the subjectiveness of them. Often when people think we are lying
we are just choosing one of many valid view points, and if we want to lie, manipulate, mimic ect it is this same mechanism that makes us apt at it.

Boredom does not stem from lack of empathy IMO. We are just geared towards what interests us, stronger connection with the id perhaps.

Although I agree zhawq, I too am a very sensitive person, I recognise my emotions are only really felt for me, barring slight feelings of love and deep and varied forms of anger. Others actually feel it too apparently with those they view a connection with. While I am more able and willing to sympathise with those I truly see a connection with, close family, I don't actually feel it with them. To me this is nearly always inconsequential, because when you are accountable to someone, a group, my actions are likely to be the same as my emotive counterparts, I'm just there by a slightly different route.

Anonymous said...

Psychopaths as far as I am aware have shown not to have any actual emotional deficit, as in the hardware works perfectly fine. The real difference is that emotional empathy is completely missing, ie our empathy is only cognitive, intellectual, we don't feel other peoples feelings with them, we only feel our own. We may say we are sorry for someone, but it isn't actual felt. as in a feeling, it is more a position conveying our regards. We may act to help someone, but it is chosen in whole, rather than a spontaneous action derived from a spontaneous feeling and emotion. People often see these behaviours as noble, because although we don't feel obliged to help. we might anyway out of respect, principle etcetera.

It has not been totally worked out why we don't feel emotional empathy, leading research shows links with our attention, or hyperfocus as far as I am aware.

Anonymous said...

On the issue of awareness zhawq, what are your thought on becoming completely self aware ? Does this hold any special meaning for you ?
To me this is my equivalent of spiritual enlightement.
I have read theory suggesting we lack connection with a higher self in part of the brain, which is responsible for our selective semantic aphasia and lack of self awareness. Things don't register deeply enough.
At times in my life I have gone through stages where I have undergone massive changes in my level of awareness in a very short time frame. It seems like reaching new levels of my brain, as if coming closer to that higher self that we are supposed to lack. I have a feeling that when I reach self awareness to a sufficient degree I will have reached a part of my brain that would be "higher", and hopefully I suppose my semantic aphasia would be rectified .
Any thought ?

Zhawq said...

Anonymous 9:24PM,

I think my ability to understand those aspects of my psychopathy that surrounds emotions I don't have, can only be intellectual. This is probably the reason why I put so much effort into exactly that on many levels: Understanding things intellectually.

Ettina 8:21PM,

you make a wonderful point.

Connor H:

"I understand empathy, true i dont feel it, but I understand its purpose and effect"

I think the same applies here as I stated in my reply to the anonymous commentor above: You can understand the purpose of empathy, but only observe it's effects. Your understanding is intellectual and therefore not complete, which is not to say it can't be sufficient.

"unfortunatly i have never been able to fully wrap my head around the notion"


"I agree with some researchers' research, about psychopaths being extremely intelligent, charming and having a high IQ;"

It takes all kinds, my friend. Believe me, there are some very intellectually "burdened" psychopaths just as there are gifted ones.

"and that psychopaths are cold precise decision makers."

This is a complex matter. I will write an article about it.

"I am an 17 year old male, who is diagnosed with psychopathy."

You may be a psychopath, but if your name reflects your geographical location as being somewhere in the Industrialized Western parts of the world, you are not diagnosed with psychopathy at this point. You can't be, giving that you must be 18 before you can be labeled with such a diagnosis. ;)

"Thank you sir, for your contribution to the researching of this human state of mental proficiency."

You're welcome. Please hang on, enjoy and make contributions as they are also much appreciated.

Deviant Man:

"I don't feel I'm a psychopath. Do you think it's because I don't understand my pathology?"

I can certainly relate to not feeling I'm a psychopath. The word is associated with being the ultimate evil, and who feels they're ultimately evil? Right, some people with AsPD feel they're evil and relish in that notion. To some it's almost a religious thing and being evil is something to strive for.

But most psychopaths don't have a sense of being at odd with society quite to that extent - indeed, many psychopaths don't feel at odds with society at all. I believe it has a lot to do with the individual psychopath's upbringing, but this is something I will bring up in coming articles as it is a central aspect of the whole psychopathy debate.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Anonymous 5:17PM,

thank you for your kind words. - I have had to do a little weeding out in order to assure a decent tone on my website, and it's satisfying when readers tell me it is enjoyable to participate with comments and debate.

I would like to help you with the questions you have described, I understand they are of great importance to you. But in order to assist you I would have to ask of you to write me in private (it will still all be completely anonymous).

If you choose to take me up on my offer, I promise to do the best I can and advice you thoroughly.

Zhawq said...


I stopped killing people more than ten years ago!!

(*snif*, ain't fair people keep calling me a killer when it's so long ago I can hardly even remember doing it.)

Seriously, I've no urge to kill anybody these days. I truly consider it a thing of the past.

Anonymous 2:36PM,

you're onto something great here. I can see it for my inner eye, just like the common Aryan population of Germany during WWII. Allegedly they managed to do away with somewhere between 3 to 6 million psychopaths! Okay, they called them Jews at the time, but you know what I mean.

Say what do you think will be the term in a 100 years from now? I bet you have grand visions of your offspring being the very people who pull the triggers/switches/push the buttons, etc... Am I right?... Eh?... My man?... Pal?

Damn, you're good. I almost became ready to pledge myself a neo-nazi with all of my heart right then and there while I was reading your drivel.

Ettina 8:08AM,

I think you're probably right that I have been mixing up the meaning of some terms. I still believe in my fundamental notion, though, but having become acquainted with the NT position on this matter has also brought me a bit of confusion because I see their position too. I'll have to think the question through some more and will return with hopefully a better and more clear description of what I mean to convey - I also may change my position in some aspects, it's an ongoing process.


"IMO, psychopathy boils down to an inability to bond with people coupled with a dominant personality. Every other "psychopathic trait" stems from these traits."

That's an interesting viewpoint. It makes sense and it's very close to the fundamental theory of some schools of psychopathy research.

Now I never considered myself that much prone to boredom. In fact I am rarely bored because I always know how to do something about it when I feel the need for extra stimulation. I'm in the process of writing an article about how I deal with it, and now you've inspired me to finish it.

I think your question about the impact I want to make is a great one, and it deserves to be answered in the form of an article. So please hang on a bit and I'll publish soon.

Anonymous 6:01AM,

I can recognize a lot of what you describe, especially from when I was younger.

As for the rights of others, I don't believe there is such a thing in the meaning of a universal law. There are only the rights we give and take and can agree about.

That said it makes a lot of sense to agree about certain fundamental rights of each member of a society. And there are issues here that create far graver and deeply problematic disturbances in society than any psychopath or psychopath minority can ever create.

You may want to rethink the notion that we are balanced. Nobody is balanced, and that goes for psychopaths, normal people and everybody else.

I can relate a lot to what you have written, and I'm pleased to hear that you find my website of use. That's why I keep keeping it. '^L^,

Ettina said...

"You may be a psychopath, but if your name reflects your geographical location as being somewhere in the Industrialized Western parts of the world, you are not diagnosed with psychopathy at this point. You can't be, giving that you must be 18 before you can be labeled with such a diagnosis. ;)"

They're not supposed to be, but I've known of psychologists who will 'unofficially' describe an under-18 as a psychopath if it seems to fit.

And that's changing, too. The DSM-V will have a category of 'conduct disorder with callous-unemotional traits', which is essentially teenage psychopathy. (Unfortunately they still won't allow identification of younger psychopaths, who are too young to show conduct disorder behavior, nor can you diagnose the subset of psychopaths who don't show high levels of criminal behavior.)

Anonymous said...

I've discovered your blog whilst researching how to tackle a psycho in my work life. It's fascinating stuff.
In the following comments I am going to say 'you' a lot. This won't necessarily mean you, the author of this blog but 'you' the psychopathic personality type.
When I read your comment about the difference between Guilt and Remorse, I can rationally understand it. I can in fact even put myself behind your eyes and see the world the way you do. I am someone with the ability to apply cold, hard logic and the ability to apply emotion and feeling. I am also someone who has experienced the feeling of emotion, and this is an important differentiation. Experienced emotion means I felt it, those feelings embedded, framed my learning and that learning remains with me after the emotion has subsided.

I can choose to set my emotions aside. I can dial up and down my rational/emotional spectrum. And as an intelligent person, it allows me the opportunity to view the world through your eyes, consider your logic and apply it on the same intellectual level.

Yet you, as someone who has learned to mimic emotional reactions, can never see the world the way I do. You can not set aside logic and apply the experience of emotion at my level. You will never experience emotion. You may have a feeling. It is felt. It passes. Your feelings do not embed. They do not create a framework of learning. The experience is not remembered after the feeling has subsided. Ergo, no emotional connection to your experience. You will only ever have a logical rational understanding of feeling and emotion as a set of responses to be learned and imitated. Your needle is stuck in the logical/rational spectrum, there is not emotional/feeling spectrum to dial up and down. Your level of 'care' for any given situation will only ever relate to driven you are to respond to a situation that may affect you.
The reason why psychopaths will default to a position of considering themselves superior is because it is the ego's way of accepting its host is missing something. You actually do not have something that 'normals' do. And you know it. And the irony is that your logic is so excellent, that it can not deny your imperfection. That's where the rage comes from. That's the anger. That is your ego acknowledging it is missing something that others you see as weak, have and you do not. The cold, undeniable logical knowledge is not that you are different, not that you are superior. Not that you are more evolved. But that you are incomplete. Broken.
But the ego drives survival. The ego wants the host to continue living. So psychopaths do not manifest their own awareness of being broken. They manifest awareness of 'difference.' What they are missing, the ego programmes as 'weakness'.
What have you learned about the construct of your own ego?

Anonymous said...

to anon sep 21st.

You are right that we often don't have an emotional connection to some of our experiences.

We are not broken, and we do have emotions. They are different to someone like you, just different range of feelings and a different perception.
Much of our experiences and memories do have emotional connections. Not as many and a different range albeit. We generally feel that range of anger emotions far more deeply than you lot.
You have put in some good thought and logic, you just are missing the texture because you have no emotional understanding of our perspective.

the bit that holds no water is:

"The reason why psychopaths will default to a position of considering themselves superior is because it is the ego's way of accepting its host is missing something. You actually do not have something that 'normals' do. And you know it. And the irony is that your logic is so excellent, that it can not deny your imperfection. That's where the rage comes from. That's the anger"

There is much judgement and assumption here. And you are quite wrong. I know I am different yes. We also have something you don't. You just place much value in your emotional connections. And as for being the source of rage and anger, this comes down to the individual, and I certainly don't, no sorry can't! feel bad angry about not having that with people like you. Isolation is the oxygen mask, I make sure I breathe it, to survive!

Anonymous said...

Being a psychopath isn't hard, but being a psychopath that knows of his failiures and sickness and tries to be good now that's challengeing.....its hard for us(psychopaths)to be around others without trying to hurt them or manipulate them.....normal people is simply too weak compare to how can we be the sick ones.....and i might not know how it feels to feel empathy but all of you who can you look at the world with all it's suffering and pain and still think that psychopaths are evil when it clearly is everybody in this godless world that is tainted by the blood of dare you say we'r sick when you slaugther people and hold them as slave labours (i'm thinking of chinas people and the africans) dare you say we'r evil when we'r the only truly rational people on this earth....we migts choose to kill ya, but we will only had killed a sinner and person bathing in the blood of can we truly be sick when we can be "good" and "evil" whenever we choose because we can feel the diffents and almost all of you look at suffering and choose to do nothing when you both know AND feel that looking away is Clealy wrong???

lele said...

Anonymous said:

"The reason why psychopaths will default to a position of considering themselves superior is because it is the ego's way of accepting its host is missing something. "

You are being simplistic here. The reason psychopaths consider themselves superior, besides being a character trait, is that since childhood they have managed to dupe everyone around them. Wouldn't you end up thinking you are better than your peers if you had always outsmarted them?

I do think that psychopaths with sadistic tendencies might have envy issues. It's the human tendency of desiring to destroy what you can't have. On the other hand, psychopaths who are not sadistic may very well feel they lack something, but I'm sure they feel that that something is something they are happy to do without, for it would make them weaker and exploitable.

Unknown said...

Thanks for this. I think many people are too offset by psychopathy to settle down and learn about it. I like how precise you are in explaining your thought processes. There's a lot to take away from this.

JD said...

"I stopped killing people more than ten years ago!!

(*snif*, ain't fair people keep calling me a killer when it's so long ago I can hardly even remember doing it.)

Seriously, I've no urge to kill anybody these days. I truly consider it a thing of the past."

You have proven the reader who asked the original question correct. Taking the lives of other people is not and was never a laughing matter.