Friday, April 20, 2012

I'm Your Man! - And You Better Believe It!

This is basically about psychopaths and our (in-?)famous talent for Seduction. It is often said that psychopaths can portray or become anyone that a possible 'victim' wants or needs them to be, and I'll say that this is probably one of the more accurate, true descriptions of the talents most psychopaths have - myself included.

I came across the video above while I was looking through videos with and by Leonard Cohen on Youtube, and as I listened to this number for the first time in years - I hadn't heard it since long before I began my Psychopathic Writings shortly after my release little more than 3 years ago - it hit me that the number would be perfect as a presentation of that one among the most commonly experienced aspects (though clearly not one of the most commonly described) aspects of what a psychopath is also capable of doing, and one which we quite often will do.

I'm talking about the ability of impersonation. Especially in situations when I'm courting a non-psychopathic person (many scholars and researchers refer to it as the psychopath having 'hunted down new prey' and maybe that he is now playing with his victim, 'true to his nature as the inter species predator of the human race').

In my personal experience there is no single opinion of such an encounter with a psychopath who plays the part of what is the partner's perfect lover (though this is often not conscious to them and the information is picked up subtly and indirectly). This is something psychopaths are often very good at, though you can't assume anybody is a great lover just because they're a psychopath. There are insensitive and dumb individuals among psychopaths too, people who can't pick up even the most obvious cues and who often don't really care to do so anyway. But those are not the ones we'll talk about here.

I have heard many a lament about neurotypical men being terribly bad at Courtship or seduction. And there's no denying that psychopaths in general - when they really make an effort at this - are generally better at The Art of Seduction than are most normal folk.

I think some of the explanation for this can be found in the psychopath's ability to give his subject (or victim, if you will) his complete and whole attention. People like myself do rarely feel the need to elaborate about our own lives and pasts - unless the subject for our courtship is in the mood to be spoon fed some seductive lying. I can be quite eloquent during such moments and have in the past produced some intriguing, fantastic lies when it took me. But I do prefer to be the gentleman and not force such self-centered stories upon a lady - or a gentleman, for that matter (though I would be lying now if I claimed any expertise in that area) - who doesn't show specific interest in 'hearing me talk about my life'.

I have emptied quite nicely packed bank accounts of women who, when later our paths accidentally crossed again, send me a knowing, flirtatious smile. I have revisited a few 'darling subjects' as well, but I have of course also had the sometimes inevitable heated emotional crying and begging switched and turned into shouting and accusing me of all sorts of things, sometimes even accusations to which there was no truth (yes, neurotypicals too aren't perfect).

It's fun when being 'Your Man' can take place under more glamorous circumstances, it gives the whole thing a more adventurous and even romantic quality. But many of these encounters does in reality take place in business related settings or at 4 star hotels - not the French Riviera or celebrity frequented 5 star hotels in Beverly Hills. Some take place at 3 and 4 star restaurants, or even at bars - not at penthouse suites and casinos in Las Vegas or Monaco.

However, some of the dynamics remain the same where ever your excursions and hunting take place, though the types of surprises you can come upon can in some ways be very different depending on the amount of money as dispose to the subject and the level of familiarity with a life in luxury they are.

For what I would call obvious reasons I will at times build a relationship with someone I've found interesting and useful. And it invariably leads to various levels and expressions of bitterness towards me when I finally leave to pursue new experiences and opportunities. No doubt some of these ladies, some of these girls and playmates, have eventually decided I was victimizing them - even when I hardly made any effort to influence them psychologically - something I admittedly had a weakness for doing.

To me Mind Games (playing games with somebody's mind - also called Psychological Manipulation), preferably in conjunction with sex, though not necessarily always at the same time, holds a very special attraction and excitement to me.

Such is the nature of life: Things start out as nothing, then become something, something becomes more and something else, and it all eventually becomes a lot of things. We can't always control everything that happens around us... or, few people can control much if anything, whereas some can control a lot. Nobody, however, can control everything, that's just the way it is, and if we can't find at least some pleasure in uncertainty, in taking a chance now and then and living life a little dangerously from time to time, then we're doomed to become even more powerless than necessary and will end up as pawns in the pockets of the powerful few. We can then watch our weekly soap opera where beautiful, rich people seduce even more beautiful, rich people.

For me it is just not in my nature to let others have all the fun!

I'll rather Be Your Man than have your neighbor be so (let him do his dog - or something). ;)

I am good at entertaining people who are looking for adventure, who wants to encounter something new and exciting - maybe even something marvelous - and who is seeking adventure where they will have to lose that everyday control which for too long has ruled and controlled them rather than the other way around. A predictable, suffocating everyday life which sneaked up upon them, stole and hid the key to their happiness. And now that key is gone because they no longer take chances - unless they decide to give it another try and let me find that key for them.

Perhaps you are such a person? Perhaps you too are tired and weary of a monotonous existence, you have decided that you deserve to live too, and now you're looking for some adventure in life?

Yes, some end up feeling they've become victimized and controlled by me, but far from all feel that way. If they did I would not be able to make it in the world. A person with psychopathic traits who cannot retain himself and behave normally most of the time, will end up either in prison or as a very poor person because he'll lose all of the trust which is so crucial to us.


Luke said...

Man, I would totally go bar hopping with you.

Anonymous said...


you once mentioned that many psychopaths don't have any gender preferring, and many are bisexual.

Have you ever been with a guy?
I know this aint a porn site but if you have will you tell something about it?

There must be some difference in how it feels, wont there come some kind of preference from that?

When you've been out 'hunting', do you look for both men and women? Do you know before you go somewhere what kind of person you're looking for, if it's a woman or a man?

I read that some are after money, and others are after someone they can dominate and 'break'. Is there any truth to this? If there is, what category are you?
If I can guess, just for fun. You seem to be well of money wise, and from what you're been writing most about I think you're more after personal domination.

I also read that many psychopaths are pedophiles. Is that true?
If it is, do you know why?

V - Assistant said...

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...
My family, and girls I date know of my PD. In time it comes out. I am hard to live with at times, but my current girlfriend gets me, and we rarely have fights. We did have a fight once about two others by us that were agruing. My point was that I didn't give a flying fuck, my GF was concerned as the male seemed to be getting violent. Yeah..... so ?

I am just another person on the planet, better than most, and aware that I am. Why would that make my GF a victim ? She is free to leave, just as I am.

April 10, 2012 5:33 AM


Ettina said...
Off topic comment:

Have you seen Season 6 of Supernatural? One of the main characters, Sam, comes back from the dead without his soul, and he acts an awful lot like a psychopath. It would be really interesting to hear your thoughts on that plot arc.

April 16, 2012 9:58 AM


Posts above have been re-posted from the old location of the article,


V - Assistant.

Ettina said...

"I also read that many psychopaths are pedophiles. Is that true?
If it is, do you know why?"

It's not true. In fact, child molesters have much lower rates of psychopathy than most offenders. However, sex offenders who offend against both adults and children are often psychopaths, which is suggested to be part of sensation seeking and criminal versatility.

Of course, not all child molesters are pedophiles or vice versa - pedophiles are sexually attracted to kids but may or may not act on it, and child molesters may act for various motivations of which sexual attraction is only one.

Anonymous said...

" There are insensitive and dumb individuals among psychopaths too, people who can't pick up even the most obvious cues and who often don't really care to do so anyway. " Some who cannot genuinely feel sensitivity is not sensitive, imo. And being highly manipulative is something I equal with dumb, a lot of the time.

lele said...

Zahwq: "I think some of the explanation for this can be found in the psychopath's ability to give his subject (or victim, if you will) his complete and whole attention."

Interestingly, according to the seduction community and contrasting with mainstream wisdom, the best way to seduce women is by being aloof, not attentive. Could it be that women vulnerable to manipulation seek attentive men? This could be the reason psychologists say psychopaths hunt for weak preys. Indeed, whenever I've read stories of women with a bad experience with psychopaths, invariably I've seen that she lacked character.

Anonymous said...

I have been giving this a lot of thought and I think I have come across the answer, for me anyway.

To nail down what love was, or how it felt, I had to go way back to early childhood, and luckily for me I had two parents who loved me. It far easier to remember how it felt then far clearer than any later example I can think of, but by tracing that feeling I remember of mutual energy, a warm ball of joy and contentment expanding through my body, then goes away as quickly as it came. Hugging my parents as a young child is as strong as I can remember.

From this I can trace it through time, it feels less intense now than when I was a child, probably tempered by life I suppose. It is the same for a lot of my feelings, very quick and not that strong, it even feels superficial to me for some reason. And although I can feel in a sense love directed at me, and I love them, it is hardly ever is able reach each other, like what little love I have is getting harder to grasp at times.I know other people feel this much stronger and longer than I, and while I can appreciate it when it is directed to me, my own feelings of love are miniscule in comparison. It is a nice feeling, and intellectually I grasp that I could be considered to be missing out because of it. It doesn't really hurt me though, even though I am lonely in a sense and hope one day I find someone whom I can share a strong mutual love for. I can vaguely feel love for my closest relatives, and I can love other things too, I'm sure, like a patch of forest or a rocky outcrop. The actual feeling is fleeting, but the same sentiment remains which is what I do when faced with the prospect of someone I like who is seeking empathy, I give them my positive energy and positive sentiment of choice.

Anonymous said...

G'day zhawq,
just wanted to point out something I think you have been missing.
You comment elsewhere on the blog that you can't understand a reader/poster who is wondering if they might be like us, when they say the spend all their lives trying to control themselves. You reason that you spend your whole life trying to find gratification not control it. It is just how you are looking at it. In this article you say -
"A person with psychopathic traits who cannot retain himself and behave normally most of the time, will end up either in prison or as a very poor person because he'll lose all of the trust which is so crucial to us."
Its the same thing. This is why we must live in control so to speak. We know our nature and have to curtail it. In one sense we have an immense amount of self control. We are never free in a way. Bit like the behind blue eyes song -
my dreams beyond are empty, as my conscience seems to be, my love is vengeance, and it's never free"

Anonymous said...

to some of the comments above-

I cant speak for everyone, but for me sex is sex, if it is purely for sexual pleasure then all logic goes out the window. I could have sex with the same gender for the pleasure feeling, the control dynamic, the sadistic and masochistic tendencies, many reasons, but it isn't about a physical attraction to men.

On the flip side, for those girls/women I am attracted too, it isn't just sex, I am weighing them up for a partner to bear my children and be a wife, which I think is fairly normal. I like them, not just for their physical attractiveness.

For other girls/women I find attractive but don't like, It could and will only ever be about getting what I want out of them. If I am treating them nice I am being deceptive.

And on the issue of pedophiles, it is complicated. It has been shown in research that approximately 10 % of males in any given population is likely to have strong inclinations to prepubescent children, 30% have inclinations on a semi regular basis and 90% on a very infrequent basis (why child abuse is so common).

Basically, it is a very common and normal trait, that most people have in varying quantities. It is quite often the case though( at this small stage in history anyway) that these tendencies are forbidden and repressed by the social excepted norm. It doesn't go away, and repression leads to inappropriate expressions of these urges.

Having said that, as a psychopath, I am not inclined to follow social norms if it doesn't suit me. I could have sex with an underage person, and all the same rules apply to gender and personal liking as I stated above. In general I reckon that P's are no more inclined than any other person, we not likely to be held back by rules, but given the sensitive nature of the subject, many of us would consider it to dangerous, not a risk worth taking.

People also tend to confuse early pubescent attraction as pedophilia. This is not the case and as represented in countless cultures for millennia, that attraction to a girl who has just entered puberty is so strong they are often kept in isolation for a time.

Anonymous said...

^like to meet you very much lele, give you a first hand experience to dribble about

Unknown said...

sounds fun ;)

Anonymous said...

As I read this post, I sensed a real coldness. It made me wonder about how you view God. How does your condition of psychopath influence your belief in the creator that made you? Thanks for your time.

Anonymous said...

I think the reason why some psychopaths like to manipulate people is because they had to live a life wearing a mask and conforming, and this sort of compromise yourself you get resentful so then later on when you figure out you can force them to do it too, of course it makes sense that it's better them than you. I'm not a psychopath but was diagnosed with asperger's so the difference as I see it is in the level of hatred/resentment you have toward humanity. There were times in my life when I also was more of a misanthrope, but I have a conscience too. I wouldn't feel bad about manipulating someone I hated but I can't lie really and can't seduce men, never could get into being fake. I value integrity and honesty, but most of all I have my own honor system and see hypocrisy as common and ignorant.

In that movie Psycho, Norman Bates puts on his mother's clothes and kills people. I think it's this form of mother envy/resentment when the boy is forced to become like the mother, and in this enmeshment he comes out to hate women and controls them in order to not fall in love and have the mother lose him in her own controlled bond of who she tries to mould him to be.

I have a few psychopaths in my family and none of them are violent. They are pretty content and don't manipulate people either, they don't want so much I guess or have resentment toward my grandmother. She was a very accepting person with a big heart and great sense of humor.

Anonymous said...

As a classic psychopaths victim - naive, female, blonde, optimistic, very, very open, working in a male dominated environment - how do I bore you enough that you eventually turn away from me?

This is an ex-boss whom I worked for for four months before I asked for a change of manager because something was 'not quite right'

I'll spare you the details as I'm sure you will know exactly the sort of things I'm going through, maybe with an evil smirk in your face? ;-)

In my attempt to understand what's happening to me and to try to understand your motives better I came across this site and thank god I did. Lucky, Lucky escape from the hysterical self-help groups!
I want to know WHY, to understand better, not wail, gnash my teeth and swap stories.

Apparently avoidance and ignoring you is the best thing, I'm doing this but how do I stop you continually discrediting my work?

I don't want revenge, I don't want your attention but now I know your 'traits' a little better, will you know this?


Unknown said...

Dear Zahwq, I have been following your blog longer and I have to say there is really a lot to learn. Thanks for it. I have been traveling a lot in one Scandinavian country. I understood you live in Scandinavia and maybe you can give some advice on something connected with seduction. This is connected with the women of that country. I have been with hundreds and hundreds of women. All over age and my goal is only to have fun and sex with them. I have noticed that the girls of the Scandinavian country I am talking about can be divided into two main groups. 1. The intelligent ones, with an international lifestyle and even more if they have some academic degrees are extremely easy preys to seduction. The girls I would like to ask advice about are the girls of the group 2. These we might define more as "country girls" who have learned some manners, maybe have even a certain level of culture and intelligence, some even are in important social roles. These ones are different compared to every group of girls I have ever tried to seduce around the world (I travel a lot). They 1. think and behave like men 2. have very often a low self-esteem (not all but many) 3. Use logic to control their emotions just like men 4. tend to withdraw from my seduction simply on the basis of upfront prejudices 5. extremely sensitive to be "pushed" from outside, they withdraw instantly if they feel pushed 6. completely neurotic about independence (at an extreme) 7. Many of them get drunk and when drunk the situation changes: then they become easy preys but I am not interested in that because I want to get to their soul, not interested in "easy" victories. 8. I have noticed that many of them are unable to speak about emotions and express themselves more by "moving" like muscular activity, sport and so on.. basically like the female version of the "male engineer". How would you approach the females of the second group? What would be your winning card? Thanks!