Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Victims. How it goes...!

Hung up to dry ... one way or the other!

A Psychopath/Sociopath quote:

"We lie as we breath!"

From the Victim's perspective it's is:
'They lie as they beath!"

It is funny how when you first meet us and throughout the time that you're still in love with us and hasn't begun questioning what we say and suspicious about our motives, our past, etc., you think we're the greatest guy/woman you've ever met. You find us unusually lovable, inspiring, so full of wit and wisdom, and you see that we understand you in ways and with a depth that nobody else you've ever met - or will meet - can ever do.

We help you free yourselves in ways you had never thought possible, by presenting to you new ways of thinking and new perspectives, that you - as a normal, empathic, person has never thought about. We help get free from obligations that you've always felt were really keeping you back and holding you down.

We introduce into your lives excitement that you've always secretly longed for but never had the strength, knowledge or fearlessness you to seek up on your own. We often replecent the epitome of the man/woman of your dreams, the knight in shiny Armor who comes to set you free....who came to set YOU free, you and nobody else! For our attention is to you entirely, we'll give you that wonderful something that you can never hope to get from anyon else.

And thus you fall helplessly and deeply in love with us.

It all lasts until the real truths, not about us, but about you, begins to come up and we begin to work you around those flaws that you have. You think we love you less, and our respect for you begin to falter ever so slightly as the real depths of your lacking self esteem and self loathing becomes more and more apparent. Your self pity is one thing, and one we can easily work with, but when you get to the point where you think WE are the reason for your agony, things begin to turn interesting in different way.

But it is often here that you begin to seek support or understanding outside of your own situation, and you end up in the hands of some "Victims of Psychopaths" community. - And once you fall into the hands of these fraudsters, things take a new dramatic turn. From then on all you'll see and 'understand' is the textbook version on the negative interpretation of what a Psychopath or a Sociopath is.

In other words, you've fallen prey to another psychopathy: The Cult of the 'Psychopathy Victim Survivors'.

And the real irony about it all is that those who call themselves Survivors of Psychopaths ... psychopath's abuse, mentally or otherwise ... and who flaunt and brag about their new found strength, freedom, and self esteem, are anything but what they claim to be. These websites and blogs reek of every psychopath would call 'VICTIM!'.


Anonymous said...

Sounds a lot like another blog entry I may have read before ;)

But yes, a great deal of truth is here, in these words. Being a victim in a relationship is something of a two way street, but I think more times than oft I at the very least for simply misunderstood, if anything else. To me, being a victim is waking up in a hospital, but to each their own.

I've recently helped a friend deal with a break up, and it really hurt him bad, really bad, and I've been trying to help him see that this woman that wounded him is not a good person at all (which she isn't). He was thankful for the new perspective on why.

MrBlake said...

And then you forgot to say that those who run them websites are users themselves. They use those 'poor' victims. Haha.

Yea, well said.

Puzelle said...


"Sounds a lot like another blog entry I may have read before ;)"

Yeah? Now that sounds interesting. Leave a URL if you know where you read it?

"Being a victim in a relationship is something of a two way street"

Yes? Well I imagine that would be the case. I haven't tried it... that is, I've tried being a victim, of course (who hasn't!), but not in a relationship. And though I always have a keen sense of how those I victimize feel, I still can't seem to quite understand what it must be like.

So if you can fill me in with some details on this I'd be grateful - especially since you aren't the usual kind of victim but resemble me more in that way, so maybe you can do what neither of my victims ever could: Explain to me how it is a two way thing, and other details.

"but I think more times than oft I at the very least for simply misunderstood, if anything else."

I think you've made some glitches here, and I don't know what you were trying to convey.

"To me, being a victim is waking up in a hospital, but to each their own."

Hehe, I don't wake up in hospitals feeling like a victim. Maybe I'm just strange that way, but I just don't think that way. I never see myself as a victim. I can be angry, if someone decidedly hurt me, but it still doesn't make me feel victimized in the strict sense of the word. I can feel wronged, but my anger pertains more often to my feeling that I should've known how to avoid or counter the situation. The victim part doesn't enter my thoughts.

Then again, if we speak completely objectively: You shoot me with a high kaliber gun, then I'm the victim of a gun shot and a bullet wound.

If I tread upon a scorpion, then I'm likely to become the victim of a scorpion sting.

And in that sense I'll also be a victim of whatever landed me in hospital.

The point is that those kinds of victimizations carry no affective meaning for me, and hence I don't think about them.
I should probably consider myself lucky that I have none of the vulnerabilities that would make me a victim in the ways that I think of victimizing as an affective notion. And I do have affection for the idea of victims and victimizing potential victims. ;)

"I've recently helped a friend deal with a break up, and it really hurt him bad, really bad, and I've been trying to help him see that this woman that wounded him is not a good person at all (which she isn't). He was thankful for the new perspective on why."

I think I know what you're saying. I've done this kind of helping pals too. What always gets to me is how extremely vulnerable they are to this kind of thing. It just seems alien to me somehow.

But this is also one of the things where I think I prove I do have empathy of some sort, for I always show sympathy to people I consider my friends or allies in these kinds of situations, and I do my best to guide them out of the pain they're in (f.ex. by doing what you did and showing them why their spouse was no good for them anyway and maybe no good at all to anyone).

I'm even so empathetic that I'll tell them I understand even when I don't!
Yes, my friends' peace of mind matters to me. It matters a lot! And I take great pride in making sure they feel the best they can feel, as opposed to many of my adversaries who's people are often a mess in many ways.

This relates to what we spoke of about building and maintaining a level of respect from your people, and not fear - unless it can't be avoided (some people can't function fully and efficiently if they're not driven by a sense of fear).


"And then you forgot to say that those who run them websites are users themselves."

I'm not following you. Where did websites get into the picture?

Anonymous said...

The two way street and victimization is like the latter of the two, the, not affected long-term but short term victimization. Scorpion stings, bullet wounds, etc.

Anonymous said...

"To me, being a victim is waking up in a hospital, but to each their own."

I agree. One of my perpetrators was banned from seeing me. He and I didn't know he was the perp at said time. But the doctors knew. And they told me.

Anonymous said...

Your self pity is one thing, and one we can easily work with, but when you get to the point where you think WE are the reason for your agony, things begin to turn interesting in different way.

What exactly happens when things begin to turn intersting in a different way?

Ettina said...

It's funny, as a victim of abuse (two cousins in kinship foster care with my family sexually abused me) I don't really understand hating an abuser. I've begun to suspect that I'm not really capable of hate, actually. Which makes me think that instead of feeling superior about not hating my abusers, I should try to understand what it means to hate someone who hurt you, so that I can better help such people. (Particularly to help keep their hatred from undermining non-punishment methods of responding to crime, since punishment isn't very effective.)

I do understand feeling terror. If one of my abusers was in the room with me, I would not feel safe even though I'm now fully grown and have some self-defense training. Part of me will always see them the way I did when I was a 3 year old. They seemed huge and all-powerful then, and I couldn't do anything to protect myself.

And I think that's why many victims call themselves 'survivors'. To take back a sense of power. I don't tie my sense of power to the words I use, personally, but instead to my actions (such as when a guy tried to force me to kiss him and I threatened to call the cops on him if he didn't let me leave). But as an autistic person I suspect words don't have the same emotional meaning to me as to most people.

The funny thing is I actually have empathy for my abusers, which seems to be rare. My abusers, by the way, were not psychopaths, though I suspect their father was. They were abused kids themselves and had been systematically trained into abuse. My parents know this, but still hold them responsible for hurting me. I don't - I see them more the way I'd see a feral cat who bit me when cornered. They did what made sense to them to do, and didn't really know how to take a different course of action.

Anonymous said...

They are responsible for hurting you because they made a choice to put their own needs in front of yours. They chose to hurt you, knowing it was hurting you because it's what they wanted to do. Being victims themselves doesn't give them a free ticket to then victimize you. It makes their behavior understandable, not excusable. They are still accountable for their choices.

And you are quite capable of hate. Every human being is. You first need to garner enough love for yourself to feel hate for those who've hurt you intentionally. What you've probably done is turned that hate toward yourself as most victims do. You may at some level blame yourself for the abusers actions. When in actuality emotional abuse is no different than physical abuse. A person can chain you emotionally just as real as a person who actually puts chains on you.

Anonymous said...

The difference being a scorpion approaches you as a scorpion, not a butterfly. Therefore you would obviously avoid a scorpion which is why abusers don't introduce themselves as abusers. They first present a pretty picture of themselves like that of a beautiful butterfly. Then once they have you snared, they'll show you a scorpion underneath the butterfly wings. Only then, they'll tell you some one wronged them and turned them into a scorpion. They really hate being a scorpion. But, because they are such, they are going to have to poisen and hurt you. But, you'll forgive them because afterall, they aren't a scorpion by choice. It's beyond their control to hurt you. The scorpion may even then promise to never sting you again (knowing full well he WILL) He may then cry and say again how much he HATES being a scorpion and please just have pity and empathy for me the poor scorpion victim. Please just come closer and hug me because I am so sad I am a scorpion. I promise I will not sting you. I know I have before but I saw how it hurt you so I won't do it again. The victim has empathy for the scorpion and believes this. The victim reaches out a hand to help said scorpion, who OOPS stung the victim again. I'm so sorry I stung you. But, you came too close to me you should have known better!

That is not a victim choosing to be a victim. That is a victim being manipulated by an abuser who is masking his intent to abuse. THAT is why the victim is a victim and not a willing participant in the abuse.

DMW said...

I knew when I met my psychopath that he lied and if he lied he probably cheated. (I didn't know he was a psychopath at the time.) When he asked to be with me I told him I couldn't commit at that time because I was to recently divorced and he was so young. He was shocked and acted like I was poison and was in disbelief that I said no. I really didn't think he was serious. It seems to good to be real and so I didn't believe him. He need a place to stay and went with someone else who he tried to hid from me, but I knew because he wouldn't let me see where he was living exactly. Our physical relationship ended at that point but I remained his friend because I had become emotionally attached to him. I began to love him more and more and he took advantage of me but I knew each time I gave him something that I did so of my own free will and have never blamed him, only myself for giving in to his manipulations. Now he is in jail, he has a girlfriend he plans to live with when he gets out that only knew him for a month before he went back into jail, that I'm sure feels hopelessly in love with him, and I know he will hurt her. I remain friends with him and do not want to meet these girls because I know what is going to happen to them. I still love him, but I will never have another romantic relationship with him because I know it will only hurt me and consequently him for what he did to his truest friend. I hope that some of my moral, emotions and behaviors will rub off on him, but if they don't I will keep my boundaries with him and give him small things to keep him around and unconditionally love him because I know that's what he need regardless of how he acts.

Guinivere Pedro said...

What you say is true, I'm the "survivor" by the way... Sure, I've gotten to know my weaknesses well through this, sure I've come out stronger and yes, I've gotten bored of the victem club, but here is the thing that unsettles us "normal" people... the ever present lack of sincerity, especially from a covert psychopath who either has not worked it out yet or denies it. I've dated a obvious one, he may as well have had a sign, easy recovery. The other was as under the radar as you can get and did that surprise hit, trust was gone and trust, you know is not an emotion, it is knowing logically you can rely on someone and you all, you are not reliable unless, you gain something or are about to lose something. Let's talk about caring using an example, let's say you piss me off and then you have a car accident, you call for help, pissed off or not, I will pick up because, I actually care (give a shit), this implies I will come and help even if I do so with cheeks blown up. You all, you will not answer, so here is the thing, if you don't care to be there is lesser good times, what gives you the right to want anything from us at all? Here is the biggest lesson I have taken, it is perfectly okay to assess and say fuck off to the likes of you people, you actually don't deserve regard, you don't deserve anything speaking to one of your posts where you feel entitled, fuck off man, earn what what you want but don't abuse it given in good will, it is in bad taste. And because we give to you by choice, you think that justifies taking more than you are due? You all pass blame, fuck up minds, fuck up lives, whistle as you walk off, sure you are interesting to unpack and make sense of, but can you all leave the other 99% to get on with our lives and not fucking keep coming back, keep up the shit. You are trying to convince normal people to see your perspective? You have no perspective, to have one you actually need to think about shit,but you don't think you just do because you are so bored. Is there nothing you all can contribute to other than using people to cure being bored, like read fuck, read something and form an opinion. You are a harmful bunch and the other big lesson, get pissed off and very pissed off with the shit you sow. Proud of you, writer, though, you actually faced it, but for your ignorant rest, losers and losers all the way. That type spends so much energy hiding they become nobody. You should read up on energy exchange too, it's simple math, logical so you should grasp this concept, if you give more than you take, the other person gets empty, why is this okay for you all? Seriously, why? You don't get the concept of reciprocating, and since you are wondering about love and care, reciprocating is a construct of it. Let me explain, you pay 10 bucks for a coke, you want your coke and change right, you gonna cry fowl if you don't get it and the shop owner keeps the money, same principle, fair exchange is care and love and respect. You'd think for a lot of people claiming to have high IQ's you are clearly not very clever and clearly not very willing to use those brains, nope stupified by greed is what you all are.