I was reading a post citing a mail from a Reader to the author of the website blog SociopathWorld.com.
In the mail the reader tells us about how he taught himself to mimic emotions and behavior, and that he thought everybody do the same, until - at a church, while still a kid - he was told that Masturbation is a sin.
Writing A Perfect Piece of Emotional Fiction.
After that point he seems to have been in constant Battle with Himself, Feeling Shame. A battle which - upon finding the SociopathWorld Blog - he realizes had all along also been him Mimicking Emotions that he didn't really have.
In a sense, he has been writing a piece of fiction so perfect that even he was taken in by it. He has convinced himself that the emotion he mimics is genuine to the extent where fiction and reality became one and he has been living his life in this strange land - not quite the Twilight Zone, and yet a country that seems to be located between two countries sharing the border.
The reader writes:
I made it my entire goal in life to control my urges as much as I can.
Another reader left a comment at the blog's comment board, asking other readers if any of us could relate to this.
My personal Answer is No.
I cannot relate to those words, as I made it my entire goal in life to see to it I got my urges satisfied!
The opposite of what this blog's reader have done. And I still do it to this day... seeing to it that my needs and urges are met! ...even with this blog.
To make it one's Goal to NOT fulfill one's urges seems a little backwards to me. But if I view those words from a fundamental Christian perspective I can see the ultimate goal being to achieve a position of being 'good'.
After all, the person who wrote those words also told us (or told the person he wrote it to) - in the same mail - that his local church, in his childhood, had set standards for him.
Indeed Standards which made him suffer years of Self Loathing, but the Moral Values were established then, so the wish to 'become good' can be a motivator that might make it possible for most people to control their urges.
Another possibility - the more obvious one in my view - would be the motivation springing from not wanting to go to prison. But whether or not that perspective is relevant depends on the nature of his urges and of how strong Antisocial traits he harbor.
To a Psychopath everything is about Control and Power, because those two things are direct keys to Gratification - whatever the individual kinds of gratification may consist of.
We are not Moral Beings, and we do not set our goals based on Ethical Long Term Goals of one day being acknowledged as a 'good' person. The very notion of Self Loathing is alien to someone like myself. But then, this reader wrote to the Owner of a Blog that also discusses Sociopathy and other Psychopathy Related Aspects.
The reader's last passage:
Thanks to this web site and what you have posted, I found the courage to openly admit to my family and friends what I was. I feel so much better. Not treating myself as an enemy has done wonders on so many other facets of my life.
Is he a Sociopath? Who knows...; but I do know he is not a Psychopath.
Sociopathy seems to encompass a lot of Gray Area facets. Learning about, and getting to know, yourself requires learning about, and getting to know, others. It shall be Interesting to learn more.