Thursday, October 28, 2010

On the topic of Drugs...

I've tried almost everything at least once, and most of it several times, and my overall experience is that I have a high tolerance. It takes a lot to have any effect. Hallucinogenics generally doesn't do what the term promises. Amphetamines are probably the ones with most effect, but not to any degree like I've heard about. Alcohol too can be nice. Caffeine ... I've never had a caffeine high. I get overdose symptoms before I get any "high", head ache and sweating; not nice.

The best was Ecstasy, there's no two ways about it. Cocain did the job too, but I needed more than is safe to repeat on a general basis, and it lasted so short I think it wasn't worth it ... and definitely not for the price considering I had to pay myself when the first week had past and my generous companion ran out of cash.
All in all I don't find pot interesting, so that's not something I bother with.

LSD has always been great.
The very first time I tried it I was 10 years old. I had hallucinations like the ones you hear about and fear you may get. F.ex., at night I was sitting on the grass of a vast park lawn that turned into a billion spiders and bugs, but somehow I wasn't frightened, instead I thought they were funny. I kicked at them and dared them to try and harm me, because "I know you're not "really real", you're only there because of the LSD, Hahaha!!" ... Of course I was just a kid and that may explain my "coolness", but it stuck with me to this day. I've never regretted that I experimented like this, nor that I did it so early on (I always craved to experience, learn, and do things in life).

But I've met plenty of people who had very horrible experiences, and I never understood why, until I read up on neurology and the effects drugs with certain molecular structures have, and can have, on the human central nervous system and thus their psychological state.

I stick to alcohol and the occasional amphetamine highs...


MrBlake said...

Have you ever done horse? Y'know, heroin?

If you have, what'd ya think about it?

I see a lot of self proclaimed psychopaths sayin' they never did heroin. Yeah right, as if a psychopath would be intimidated by it's reputation for getting a person addicted.

What are your thoughts on this?

Zhawq said...


"Have you ever done horse? Y'know, heroin?"

I sure have, and several times too.

I early made it a goal of mine to try all the drugs in the world. I've never come anywhere near achieving that goal, and I no longer care for it. I was 10 when I made it, and I think that says a little about the naivety that lay behind the simplemindedness of such a goal.

But it's a long story how I became fascinated with drugs, as just one of many 'deviant' fascinations at such an early age.

Anonymous said...

We smart not scared, I too have tried it all atleast once - pot works really well too medicate myself - I stop feeling as angry - or at least Im less active about it - but - this leads to sitting around imagining, fantasising - and thus stops me getting much outside stimulation - which in turn builds frustration (boredom?), but I escape by medicating....bad catch 22. If all else fails though, It can help prevent undesirable outcomes. I tend to overdose on hard drugs, I just dont loose control until I od. LSD is bloody fun, maybe too much

Dave said...

Hey I was wondering if you have ever tried DMT. DMT is said to be the spirit molecule and psychopaths are said to have no spirit, I would find a description of a DMT experience for someone like yourself to be very interesting. So if you have tried it I'd love to hear about it, and if you haven't I think you should look into it. Very interesting stuff.

Anonymous said...


will try DMT shortly, let you know. IMO I strongly think that P's having no spirit/soul , being spirit eaters ect. is a complete load of crap. Looking into the matter, I get the over whelming feeling it stems from religious attitudes, and quite probably the extremist american religious networks that are spreading the reptilian conspiracies and other derogatory propaganda against psychopaths. Basically, they think we are spawn of the devil.

I have talked to other P's who think no spirit and eating others spirits is true, but I merely think they were fooled by their ego's and wishful thinking. The spirit eating saga has many parallels to very real phenomenon about how we are able to perceive and use energy. It seems to be a deliberate manipulation of this that is designed to, and does, fool some psychos.

Anonymous said...

I find that shrooms (too little experience with LSD, though yeah.. its great) helps put ALL thoughts in perspective... Opens a mirror in your mind that lets you reflect on anything and almost everything...Most people iv discussed it with says dont solo trip.. I find it very engaging.. i once did too much and for about 40 minutes i was fighting for my right to express thoughts... by the end i felt spent but I still considered it a enjoyable experience.. some may find that odd.. :p

Green Eyed Psychopath said...

I discovered Dilaudid at the end of high school & 4.5 years later, I'm still loving it. When I do some, even a tiny bit, it's the closest I've come to feeling things towards people.
If I'm being honest, it's how I deal with being a mother. Everyone tells me that I'm an amazing mom, but a big part of that is my calmness & always positive emotions towards my son (he's now 2.5 y.o.). I do just enough when he's around so that I'm not passing out as toddlers shouldn't be unsupervised. Sometimes when I'm high, I like to believe that I actually have feelings for him since I've never felt the way I feel about him with anyone else, but then I wonder if that's the drugs talking or just natural maternal instincts.
I've come to realise that, in the right mindset, I can either feel like I took an upper or like I'm about to pass out (or actually pass out). I just have to focus on whichever I want to happen. It's the same way with coke.
I don't like pot because I tend to show my true self. I have worked very hard to have everyone see me as "that nice, sweet friend" since it's what I play best & have always gotten the best results that way. When I'm super drunk or high on pot, I stop caring what people think & show my true self.
The particular bath salts I tried were amazing & they definitely helped me with pretending to care about the guy I was seeing at the time. In what way? Well, let's just say bath salts are the reason I'm now a mother! Lol

Anonymous said...

Interesting you found ecstasy the best experience...

In my experience, I would say that the drug increased my sense of connectedness to others, my sense of self infinitely less ego-based, overwhelming feelings of euphoria and boundless love... among other sensations over several hours...

As Cluster B's don't 'feel' love, how was it for you?

Anonymous said...

I second Anon on being curious how you'd describe the effects of MDMA/ Ecstasy...
I'll put my share here for the benefit of other readers. I wouldn't pass the clinical diagnosis of ASPD because I've never committed a crime (never quite understood the appeal of it). Yet affective empathy is something I lack.

For many years I was skeptical towards all drugs because I valued my clarity of mind. A few years after I found alcohol wasn't as effective as everyone else around mine claimed, I started thinking. There's many tasty alcoholic drinks, but the effect I get is basically drowsiness and diminished motor skills.
Coffee, tea or coke will relax me, make me sleepy. Although I've read that 4 different gene expressions have been found that can explain distinct responses to caffeine, which seem unrelated to processing of emotions.
Nicotine can sometimes relax me if I haven't had any in a while, and make me jittery. No buzz otherwise.
Amphetamines/ Speed is somewhat nice, gives me energy, can make me horny. On other hand it prevents me from falling asleep for its half-life, even though I don't normally have problems sleeping. And it tends to prevent erections - if you want to have penetrative sex with a male or are male, steer clear of it.
MDMA/ Esctasy seems to have this surreal effect where everything becomes clearer, imagine someone in a movie shown to turn into a vampire. Possibly an energy boost, although it can come mixed with Speed anyway. Seems to make you literally speak your mind more. That's it.
Weed/ cannabis. Depending on the strand, bit of an energy boost, tingly feeling. Some types actually alter my perception of time and accelerate the speed of my thoughts so much that I can barely keep track of a conversation. Really fun when that happens. Annoying side effects on too high dosage are sudden urge to lay down and feeling sick.