Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Managing Anger, Prison & Comedy.



Back, finally. After the last Psychopathy Research Series I meant to write some updates of what has been taking place since I published my last articles. But I didn't get that far. On the very same day that I had announced my next posting police came to my apartment and took me back first to jail and to the establishment where the research is usually taking place. But they did more than that, they also took my computer - promising I would get it back undamaged, but of course this didn't happen, I've had to buy a new computer once again along with all the programs and shit.

Anyway, one of the reasons they told me I was being withheld was that I hadn't been living up to my promise about providing written material (which I do here at this website) for the sake of further research for people and experts with interest in psychopathy around the world. But giving the fact that I do battle dyslexia and ADHD-like symptoms along with great difficulty dealing with feelings of under-stimulation while at the same time I am required and expected to keep coming up with something new to give them, I found their argument to be unfair to say the least.

There was also another thing: Everybody who knows anything about this website also knows that one of the major interests of my Readers is to hear more about the Psychopathy Research Program that I am participating in, but I have been hindered by legal issues that boils down to me having had t sign an agreement that I not speak or let out any details about what takes place in the experiments and test series.

Sure, a lot of it most of you can probably guess - brain scans and so on - but there's a lot of newer and more innovative things as well that I just don't understand why people shouldn't know about. Psychopaths who read my articles won't be able to use it to beat the system, legal, psychiatric or otherwise, so it can only have to do with private research companies being involved and not wanting others to learn what they find out. And that means it is no longer for the greater good, it is no longer about learning about psychopathy in order to help the population at large getting access to more knowledge about us (the psychopaths) and our ways, how we function i.e., and it can't be about seeking answers that may be helpful to those who are born with the genetical make-up and grow up under the circumstances that create psychopathy in a person.

When I signed the papers vowing to not tell anything about the Psychopathy Research Program, I did so under the pretence that it was an internationally based non-profit research program (though I was aware it involved states and governments), so when I was put in the situation I described above, being held incarcerated because I didn't write enough for them (and, I regret to say, for my Readers), I became angry and stubborn. I refused to write another word until I was allowed to tell at least something about the test series or experiments I've been subjected to.

It's cost me a month in prison, give or take, but I eventually have been given the go-ahead to reveal a little now. I will tell you more in my next article and end this one with a few words about the movie I've included in this article...

The name of the movie is Anger Management, directed by Peter Segal, starring Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler. It's a comedy, but it's one of rather few comedies that I actually find entertaining.

It's about a very normal man played by Adam Sandler, who via a series of mistakes and injustices ends up being sentenced to a course in Anger management lead by a psychiatrist (or psychologist) with expertise in the field played by Jack Nicholson.

Jack Nicholson's character is a psychopath, which David (Adam Sandler) soon realizes, but what he only realizes in the end is that Doc Rydell - Jack Nicholson's character - isn't merely a psychopath, he is a good and a very clever guy indeed, who uses untraditional methods part of which involves a very strong tendency towards controlling everything and everybody around him (including his patients), who more or less completely lacks inhibition along with having the willingness to cut legal corners whenever it serves a purpose. Indeed, Rydell is the hero in this movie, and I can't help but love it for showing that psychopaths aren't always the bad guys.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 3


He kept Arguing that he wasn't Female in any way for some time but Eventually he did the Only Thing he really could do if he didn't want to lose my Respect altogether, and he did it rather Cleverly: He Admitted to the Truth but Avoided outright having to Say: "Yes, I've been Lying To You!". I saw No Reason for further Humiliation - I didn't mean to humiliate him in the first place, just to get him to be honest with me, and I knew the Admission he'd given me was Humiliating Enough as it were - so I immediately Accepted his Statement and did never Bring Up the Question again.

Shortly after this Exchange he Shut Off all Contact with me - except when Leaving an Anonymous Comment at my Website every now and then - and never gave me any Explanation as to Why he did this, and nor did he Owe me any Explanation.

The Confrontation and the Outcome of the following Argument to me explained why he'd been keeping his birth gender such a tight secret, because for me there is little doubt that to him women are weak, pitiful, lowly and unworthy of respect, they're beings who deserve to be abused and mistreated by men. This is a very common view on the female sex among Sociopathic Subcultures, and is also widespread among people with AsPD.

Given the fact that I already knew that this person had a strong wish to be accepted in the Sociopath community on the Internet (there is no such thing as a 'Psychopath Community', psychopaths are loners by definition) and that I knew he was very active on some forums where sociopaths socialize (friendly pun intended), perhaps I can chance to guess that my Reader agrees I now 'have something on' this person?

Unless I'm seriously mistaken I believe the obvious answer to that guess is Yes.

Now here's the catch....After some time of having had no correspondence with my paranoid email acquaintance I happened to become the central subject of attention in a heated flame war against me by another community of sociopaths - who, ironically, accused me of being a woman who claimed to be a man! - this person whom I'd been trying to support for months, and who was witnessing the whole thing unfold, he suddenly decides to leave a comment, here at my own domain, Psychopathic Writings, which stated that:


"I have something on Zhawq"!


Voila, what a friend-to-be! What a would-be confidante! What a man reaching out to interact with others who might understand about violent urges and being an intelligent loner in a society of mainstream sleepwalkers! Indeed...

Again I will caution my Readers to not jump to conclusions about who could this female man could be. Others who have never exchanged words with me have claimed to have something on me and some of those comments may still be around, though I published plenty of trash against the sociopaths - mostly in good humor, I must say - but I realized it was counter productive to uphold a Mud Throwing style of content on a website if I should have any hope of getting it to a position with slightly more useful potential, for my Readers as well as for myself, so I removed the articles where I made fun of those who were trying to discredit me, along with most of the comments I'd left of the same nature elsewhere on the web.

But to get back to the story, what was that 'something on Zhawq' that this guy suddenly claimed to have? I don't have to search my memory to know the answer, and it is this: He thinks he can use my suggestion that he "look to the south" to derive some relief for his urge to kill people against me by claiming I was Encouraging or Inciting him to go and commit murder. Obviously, as I have already shown, he has absolutely nothing on me (if he did I certainly would not be writing this article!).

In fact it is quite the other way around, I have something on him, not vice versa. So why didn't I immediately out him, either from the start or when he left his comment? No doubt he is convinced that I didn't out him because I'm scared of what he 'has on me'. Nothing could be further from the truth, so...


Guess again, my friend (yes, you! You know who you are and I know you're reading this), here's the reason why I never outed you: I didn't out you because I had no reason to do so! I didn't out you because I'm not mean just to be mean and nor do I have any drive or need to be mean whenever I have the opportunity!

Yes, I do get angry when people think they can abuse me or any kindness I've showed them, but I have no need for helping others to be cruel toward someone I know could be crushed easily and without much fuss. You see, if I feel the urge to see cruelty unleashed upon others, I don't even need to fuel a crowd of small minded people who can't get past the medieval view of gender differences to go and do it for me (some Biblical examples of Cruelty). Though clearly under some circumstances it can be beneficial to let others do your dirty work for you, in your case I could be cruel toward you myself just fine and nobody would ever know about it, I wouldn't need others to know what I did to bring you down or how I got away with it....But worry not, you have nothing to fear, I won't bother to lift a finger against you!

You can think it's because I'm not psychopathic enough or because I'm afraid of you, whatever suits your fancy. You'll never grasp the nature of what you so covet, and that is your ruin. I need not do to you what you're already doing to yourself. Sad to see intellect go to waste in a Self Destructive deluded dream, but I can live with that. You, on the other hand... [fill in blanks].

I offered you a form of friendship, and you showed me you aren't worthy of friendship, as others who are adept at reading people do also know, this is why so few want to befriend you and it is why they refuse your attempts to befriend them. You hoped to find fellowship, but you don't have the ability to know and understand when it pays to be loyal. In spite of all your intellectual eloquence you're incapable of spotting even the most blatant opportunity when it drops into your lap, your willingness to allow paranoia and anxiety to rule your behavior is your doom and in the end you have only yourself to blame for that. It is because of this that you will remain lonely, unhappy, forever anxious and friendless.

Believe it or not, I'm generally a quite nice guy. There are but two types of situations in which I will stop at nothing to get back at someone, 1.: If that someone attempts to hurt or harm me or my Loved Ones, and 2.: If that someone threatens to hurt or harm me or my loved ones - provided he has the means to back up his threats.

If none of these conditions aren't met I'm quite happy to settle for a simple warning. You may consider this to be such a warning, ...or not. It's up to you.

..........

It wasn't until a year after my correspondence with the person about whom I've spoken above was discontinued that I came upon a concept called Transgenderism. It turns out that someone can indeed be male in every way except for how their physical sex appears. With this new knowledge I wish even more that he'd have told me how it really was. But it may not have made any difference since he's too emotionally damaged.

..........

Read Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 1

Read Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 2

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 2


Once we had Established that he could Call Himself a Sociopath, we went on to Discuss a Psychological Problem that he had been Struggling with throughout his Adult life and which I to some extent could Understand giving what I had been Able to Learn and Put Together about his Background....This guy had an Insatiable Urge to Kill, to kill not just any Kind of Life, but Human Life. In short, he Wanted to Kill A Human Being. Not any Particular Human Being or even Somebody who might have Wronged him or otherwise given him Reason to want that Person Dead, it was the Act Of Killing in itself that Possessed his Thoughts and Formed Basis for an Intense Recurring Longing.

Let me say right away that I know it isn't entirely uncommon in people with AsPD to Struggle With An Urge To Kill People and there have been some individuals who have publicly expressed the same desire on various forums on the Internet, some of which may be known and frequented by some of my readers. This being the case I would urge you to not jump to conclusions as to who the person I'm writing about here may or may not be.

For most of the remaining period that I and my AsPD friend corresponded the subject was on how to deal with the Longing To Kill People (here's yet an example of someone describing the problem: Urge to Kill - Ask The Therapist). I knew this was not an issue to take lightly and thought about a way to deal with it without actually putting anybody in harms way, and at some point I advised him to look into the many Unsolved Murders in Mexico which is a case of large scale murders on women that dates back to 2004 or earlier. I knew this young guy is intelligent, and my thought was to give him an intellectual psychological outlet while also placing the actual scene beyond the border of the US.

Weary of being too specific about anything since I know how easy it can be to use poorly chosen words against someone - and not least someone like myself - so I chose to put it in such a way that it could not be misinterpreted as something it was not while at the same time I felt certain my mail pal would know what I meant.

My words were: "Look to the South". I still have the files of all our correspondence, but there's no need to look up the exact wording because I know what I said. However, I didn't know that my "friend" chose to interpret it as an encouragement for him to go and actually kill women in Mexico himself. Of course I never suggested that he kill anybody, nor would I ever do such a thing, if for no other reason then because I don't believe the act of Committing Murder would've helped him, not to mention that I doubt very much that he would have actually taken the step. Had that been the case there's very little reason to believe he would have spoken to me about it for a lengthy period before getting into action. His problem was psychological, but not in a Behavioral sense.

As it turns out - to the best of my knowledge - he never did take action, but the urge kept haunting him and most likely still does. I am fairly certain that due to his fearful nature he never did, and never will, kill anybody. Luckily for him he's too concerned about his personal safety and with not getting caught to undertake a reckless action of this nature. Who knows, maybe the actual deed itself would in reality have proven to be more than he could stomach, but this I don't know for sure, it is only speculation.

What I do know, however, is the fact that throughout our correspondence he was trying to make me believe he was someone, or 'something', he is not, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. In short, I found out that 'he' was not him, indeed he wasn't a 'he', he was a 'she'. I sensed this early on but it took me some weeks to become certain that for some reason this person insisted he was a man when in fact he was not born as a man, but as a woman.

I waited for a long time before I confronted him about it, hoping he would eventually trust me enough to be open about him on his own. In the meantime I made a search on the topic of Woman Pretending To Be A Man and found websites such as this. I didn't find an answer that I felt applied to my "Male Sociopath" friend, I suspected his issue was more about disliking the physical weakness of the female species, perhaps stemming from personal painful experience. When I finally did confront him he reacted with self righteous anger and said things like "How can you think I'm 'just some' woman?!".

The Reader may wonder why I keep calling this person by the male pronoun. There is a reason for this which I didn't know about at the time. Hang on for the Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 3.

..........

Read:
Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 1

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Distrust & Disloyalty - Part 1


This article is about Disloyalty and Distrust but also Deceit, and it Represents an Example of The Fact that Psychopaths Can and Sometimes Do Chose to be both Loyal and Undeceiving and to not Abuse Sensitive Knowledge and Secrets that they have Found Out about others.

About 2,5 years ago, not long after I started this blog/website, Psychopathic Writings, I came into Contact with Someone who showed many common Signs of Psychopathy and who Shared my Interest in Finding Other People on the Psychopathy/Sociopathy/Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum that I might be able to Communicate and Correspond with. This person and I soon began an Interesting correspondence and in spite of the other guy's Paranoia was deeper and more pervasive in a way that is uncommon for psychopaths. I realized there was more to it than met the eye and I began to form an impression of who, or what, I was having exchanges with.

But still, I didn't understand him quite as well as I thought I did - at the time. I will explain why in the following...

All Psychopaths have some degree of Paranoia, it is part of the condition and can sometimes be extensive, but beyond a certain point paranoia stops being a symptom of Psychopathy, or Sociopathy for that matter, and enters the area of what in Clinical Psychology and Psychiatry is called Neuroticism. Being neurotic is something that is decisively not associated with psychopathy, quite the contrary in fact, whereas it is an integrate fundamental part of Antisocial Personality Disorder, and it quickly became obvious to me that my new would-be-friend was not a Psychopath in the clinical sense of the word, he did have Antisocial Personality Disorder.

I have no doubt that he could've made a "great" Sociopath if he was given the chance - as could many people with Antisocial Personality Disorder - but the difference between Sociopathy and Antisocial Personality Disorder is largely decided by circumstance, and the very issue with AsPD (the abbreviation for Antisocial Personality Disorder) is that these people do have the capacity for bonding with specific groups, with ideologies or individuals who represent something that they desire or admire, but they never get the chance to do so because circumstances in their early lives have not provided them with the interpersonal skills that are necessary to create a bond with other people - and especially not with Sociopathic groups and minorities (never mind psychopaths, we hardly ever bond with anybody, and when we do it rarely lasts beyond a few weeks).

But the life circumstances of people with AsPD is not the subject of this article, I wanted to line out the basics because it plays such a fundamental part of the struggles that this person have had to deal with throughout his life which came into expression by the intensity with which he initially wanted my expressed "approval" that he was a Psychopath. He eventually settled for the label Sociopath which I falsely admitted him because his negative feelings toward the label 'AsPD' were so strong and I saw no reason to force the issue of telling him the truth about something that he particularly did not want to be associated with. I thought perhaps he would be more open toward Self Understanding at a later point.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Psychopaths - Boredom & Low Frustration Tolerance.


Psychopaths are Known for getting Easily Bored and for having a Low Tolerance for Frustration. They're also known to have Shallow Emotions or Low Affect.

On The Psychopathy Check List - Revised by Doctor Robert D. Hare, states:
3.  NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM. An excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.
Further down on the list it says:
7.  SHALLOW AFFECT. Emotional poverty or a limited depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.
How do the two things go hand in hand: Not having much emotion and yet being unable to tolerate the frustrations of Boredom?

One of the most important things I'm trying to explain to the clinical psychological community is that boredom in and on itself has rarely been enough to make me go out of my way to achieve a satisfying sense of intensity in life, that little extra about living life to it's fullest that is so inspiring and fulfilling.

As much as I need intensity and Thrills, I am equally capable of feeling intense emotional discomfort when I am deprived of it. If that wasn't the case, I assure you, there are many of my past acts that I would never have undertaken. It is with this in mind that I have also in previous articles admitted that I do to some extent regret my high level of Antisocial Traits i.e. Factor 2 Traits.

Factor 2 Traits deal with Antisocial Behavior and Activity, particularly as it relates to social norms and crime, whereas Factor 1 Traits deal with Emotion and Affect.

In order to be diagnosed with Psychopathy you must have a certain degree of Factor 2 traits, but more importantly you must have a fairly high degree of Factor 1 traits.

There are psychopaths who are extremely high on both Factor 1 and Factor 2, and who out of mere boredom will engage with sometimes extremely horrendous acts, but they do so without the strong incitement of intense discomfort associated with being deprived of stimulation which some of us experiences and which is overall also the more common. These psychopaths are the ones who score the maximum of 40, or near 40, on the PCL-R.

It is in my opinion very important to remember that this distinction exists between on one hand the group of people who's psychopathy is so severe, and who's Factor 1 and Factor 2 traits are so high, that they don't care about being antisocial or not, and who (admittedly just as important) also don't care about the risk of being caught for having indulged in crimes that are just too extreme to go undetected, and on the other hand the group of people consisting of the majority of psychopaths who aren't quite that high on the Flat Affect scale and who truly do struggle with the effects of being deprived of stimulation, or - as professionals prefer to put it - struggle with the effects of being deprived of alternating outlets to relieve boredom.

Friday, October 25, 2013

The Psychopath, The Stranger - A Song.



I Dedicate this Article to All of You out there Who Have had an Unfortunate, Perhaps even Traumatizing, Encounter or Relationship With a Psychopath, but Who Haven't Yet Condemned All Psychopaths Completely.

A Reader sent me an Email and Asked Me if there was A Song that I Would Suggest for her to Listen To. With this Request she Inspired me to find and send her a link to 'The Stranger Song' Video by Leonard Cohen and I eventually Decided to Publish this Small Article and include the Lyrics. I therefore want to also Dedicate this Article to Her*.

All Other Readers and Guests at Psychopathic Writings are of course equally Welcome to View and Listen as well as leave Comments.


Leonard Cohen:
The Stranger Song

Is it true that all men you knew were dealers
who said they were through with dealing 
Every time you gave them shelter 
I know that kind of man 
It's hard to hold the hand of anyone 
who is reaching for the sky just to surrender, 
who is reaching for the sky just to surrender. 
And then sweeping up the jokers that he left behind 
you find he did not leave you very much 
not even laughter 
Like any dealer he was watching for the card 
that is so high and wild 
he'll never need to deal another 
He was just some Joseph looking for a manger 
He was just some Joseph looking for a manger 

And then leaning on your window sill 
he'll say one day you caused his will 
to weaken with your love and warmth and shelter 
And then taking from his wallet 
an old schedule of trains, he'll say 
I told you when I came I was a stranger 
I told you when I came I was a stranger. 

But now another stranger seems 
to want you to ignore his dreams 
as though they were the burden of some other 
O you've seen that man before 
his golden arm dispatching cards 
but now it's rusted from the elbows to the finger 
And he wants to trade the game he plays for shelter 
Yes he wants to trade the game he knows for shelter. 

Ah you hate to see another tired man 
lay down his hand 
like he was giving up the holy game of poker 
And while he talks his dreams to sleep 
you notice there's a highway 
that is curling up like smoke above his shoulder. 
It is curling just like smoke above his shoulder. 

You tell him to come in sit down 
but something makes you turn around 
The door is open you can't close your shelter 
You try the handle of the road 
It opens do not be afraid 
It's you my love, you who are the stranger 
It's you my love, you who are the stranger. 

Well, I've been waiting, I was sure 
we'd meet between the trains we're waiting for 
I think it's time to board another 
Please understand, I never had a secret chart 
to get me to the heart of this 
or any other matter 
When he talks like this 
you don't know what he's after 
When he speaks like this, 
you don't know what he's after. 

Let's meet tomorrow if you choose 
upon the shore, beneath the bridge 
that they are building on some endless river 
Then he leaves the platform 
for the sleeping car that's warm 
You realize, he's only advertising one more shelter 
And it comes to you, he never was a stranger 
And you say ok the bridge or someplace later. 

And then sweeping up the jokers that he left behind ... 

And leaning on your window sill ... 

I told you when I came I was a stranger.


I do Not Claim that Every Psychopath has a Good Person hidden Inside or that we merely Need People's Love and Patience and Understanding (it Would Be an Obvious Lie), but I do Mean To Say that Not all Psychopaths Aim to Victimize and Hurt, indeed Some of us Intend to Do quite The Opposite.

Sometimes a Psychopath will be Initially Hoping for a Relationship that Functions well, but will Change Focus and Revert to Self Gratification when he Finds the Situation doesn't Live Up to Expectations. But Some Psychopaths Will more Often Leave in a Gentle Manner and without Willfully Hurting or Creating Unnecessary Pain and Long Term Problems as Results of Their Involvement with and Presence in the Other Person's Life.

..........
* Name with held with respect to privacy.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Psychopaths & Setting Aside Feelings Or Emotions - 2


Another time I'd been physically hurt the night before I was to have a meeting with a business associate. I had difficulty walking without it showing that I was in pain, so already here I had to set aside some feelings, overriding the Neural Signals that told my brain I was in pain. Pain is a condition that can be quite compelling in terms of hindering normal movement, but moreover, I was hurt in a way that left me no choice either way because a muscle in one of my arms had been partially cut through and therefore couldn't function normally. I'd probably been able to set aside my discomfort from the pain, but the physical inability to control my movement was unsettling.

Obviously I didn't exactly look forward to show up in a weakened state, and I certainly did not want to wince in front of my associate while we were negotiating a business deal. As mentioned, the latter I might've controlled but not the former, and so this is a good example of a situation where I definitely had to set aside feelings both physically and psychologically.

I have to say that my Reader is right: We (psychopaths) do have the ability to put our emotions aside, though how easy it is differs quite a lot individuals in between, and it also differs what types of emotions we can easily put aside though there are certain commonalities. Frustration, f.x., is I feeling I cannot always easily put aside even when it would more than suit me, and the same is the case when I get very angry.

There is another type of situations where setting aside feelings can get into play, namely in a Buridan's Ass kind of situation where you're torn between two different possible lines of actions and both are equally appealing or vice versa. One such situation could be if you get to like somebody but for some reason have to either leave and save yourself some trouble or stay and suffer the consequences, and the other person would prefer that you stay. The catch usually is that the consequences you may suffer will also affect the other person, so the best choice will often be to leave. Or you might save the other person some discomfort by leaving but you really want to stay, and then it's a matter of weighing for and against: Will my discomfort be so severe that I think it'll be better to let the other person take some unpleasantness, or will it in reality be a minor discomfort to me and worth the satisfaction of knowing the other person didn't get hurt? I've had both types of situations.

The funny thing about it is that I still don't remember having to set aside any of my feelings or emotions, I see it more as a choice between which feelings or emotions I would engage with. This is a particular trait in psychopathy termed as 'fleeting emotions' and is related to 'Shallow Emotions' and 'Shallow Affect' or 'Flat Affect'. It still confirms nicely what the Reader said just as it does what I wrote in my previous article (mentioned in the beginning of this text).

I hope with the examples on this page to have given some idea about what types of situations that the Reader's statement have relevance for and to thereby also exemplify what the difference is between situations where you (if you're a psychopath) have no emotions to detach from in the first place and situations where you do have to make a choice and sometimes decide to not engage certain feelings.

Lastly I hope to not disappoint by not presenting better examples. It is not ill will, I just don't have any examples where deciding to detach has been either more difficult or relevant to me than the ones I have included in the descriptions above.