Sunday, July 24, 2016

The "Cannibal Cop", A Psychopath Who Didn't Eat Human Flesh.

Here is, in a short version, my own view on the subject as I posted it by the video at Youtube...

I think Dr. David Greenfield is correct about why we develop strange fetishes seemingly out of the blue. I can certainly trace my own sexuality back to how when I was a child I became aware that female sexuality was something that was seen as indecent, dirty, shameful and punishable, but I wasn't consciously aware of how that connected with how I developed my own sexual sadism even as a pre-teen. Sexuality and gender is not talked about and so there is no way for people to avoid or re-direct negative elements from developing within their sexuality.
As for this cop, he did commit a crime. Giving sensitive information about and pictures of women that he looked up the police database to virtual strangers, people about whom he has no way of knowing whether or not they may (ab)use that information, not to mention the mere fact that he has given that information without the women's consent, that is a crime and because of this - not because of his fantasies  which don't really matter - there's no way he should be allowed back into the police force or any other job of a similar nature.

The thing that stood out the most in when I watched this video and read the comments section below it was that people focused on this guy's fantasies, that this is what made them think him to be evil. Few even mentioned the fact that the actual crime he committed had nothing to do with his fantasies or with cannibalism, it had to do with not respecting people's privacy and abusing his power.

In a society where we're quicker to judge people for what they think about than for what they actually do to one another, how can we wonder why we have been so slow about realizing that psychopathy is more, and - I suspect - often different from merely being somebody who don't care about having a destructive impact upon his surroundings.

I have been thinking about writing a little more about my relationship with sex but I've hesitated because this blog is meant to be appropriate for all ages and all kinds of approaches to religion and life in general. It's not always easy to find where to draw the line.

I have for quite some time been thinking about publishing an article about the two times when as a young man (teenager, really) I 'engaged' in rape, there's a lot that hasn't been said about that and I know the truth will definitely not be what people expect. I may still write that article as I believe it should be easy, or at least possible, to do so without crossing any lines.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Logic Of A Good Psychopath.

Spot on, Mr. Hitchens!

When a psychopath finds himself saying about another that they give psychopaths a worse name than we already have, you know it's got to be REALLY bad.


I have been asked why I, as a psychopath, care about doing 'something good'. I have also tried to answer but perhaps not as clear as I would want to, so here below is an example of my reasoning and how it in my opinion leads naturally to the conclusion that what is good for me is good for everybody - in the long run, at least.

There is undeniably a shift from the more immediate presence oriented gratification seeking which ruled my motivation during my teens and earlier adulthood, but - as I believe I have stated elsewhere - there is also an element of me wanting to try something new which - combined with all that I have learned over the past 5-6 years since I began looking deeper into what kind of person I am and how it affects not only my past but also the possibilities for my future - has lead to what I guess I will call a wider perspective that allows me to include more elements into my considerations when I decide what kind of achievement to aim for and with which approach to do so.

I hope the following gives some insight into my thinking and how I form what to me are logical conclusions.

As for welfare, I believe it's possible to find a place between zero aid and completely giving over all your money and freedom of choice in exchange for an illusion of complete security (as we see it done in some Northern European countries).

I believe medical aid, schools and minimum wage should be available to everybody regardless of economical or social status. If we don't make sure to provide these basic things we'll miss out on a lot of people who could have grown up to become acknowledged as great geniuses and the country's greatest contributors. Without these basic rights things like mere survival, good health and education would simply be passed down almost exclusively within the families of those who are wealthy and rich, but there's no reason to expect the most ingenious and talented people to be born in these families more than they do in any other group of society.

Some will argue that genes run within families, but propensity for developing skill, gaining knowledge and for using these in a way that contributes to and helps the country has only little to do with genetics but a good deal more with a combination of nurture, circumstance and chance. It has furthermore been proven that goodwill and consideration toward others is more often found and taught within less well to do groups in society (for obvious reasons).

So for the sake of the country and thereby for the individual citizen's chance and freedom to pursue personal happiness, we have better take providing fundamental circumstances that allow for everyone to acquire medical aid and education into consideration since it will benefit each of us, not only in terms of personal survival here and now in the form of achievement and wealth, but also in terms of a more long term survival in the form of passing on our genes, and finally in terms of the country's survival and thereby the best possible circumstances for our families to thrive and continue our legacy.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Psychopaths: Control Lest YOU Be Controlled - Part 1.

I'm beginning to wonder why psychopaths develop this mindset, this philosophy or approach to life.

Psychopath's emotions are shallow, but does that necessarily mean that shallow emotions cannot be strong? I remember how when I was a child and genuinely wanted to be and do good, but nobody ever believed me. I'm thinking that the reason for this could well be that people sensed my emotions were shallow and they mistook that for meaning I wasn't sincere and they would even think I was lying. For me this meant that even when I did what I had been told meant I was a good person, and which I believed to be true, it nevertheless meant that I was let down every time I tried to adhere to all the things that we think of as being good and wanting to do good. In fact, it seemed to me that the better a person I was the more I was being rejected, and I didn't understand why. I eventually could only conclude that everything others said about themselves and other normal people being good wasn't true, because why would good people reject someone who was trying to be even better? So I thought they were hypocritical and themselves liars.

It wasn't until sometime within the last four years that I realized how I am different from other people, and that too is a result of others no telling me the truth - mainly because most people simply didn't know the truth, most people don't know what it is about me that makes me different and makes them sense something "is off" about me. But a few people have always known, yet they chose to never tell me, even when I WAS told they used words that deflected the true meaning of what they were saying. They didn't say "You're a psychopath", they said "You're unusual in character" or "You have an uncommon character". This is what I was told the first time I was diagnosed by forensic psychiatrists. I even nodded and approved because I've always known I was different from the norm and I was proud of it because I thought the norm was hypocritical and not good at all.

Now what about the mentality that makes psychopaths think "Hurt lest you get hurt first" and "control or you'll be controlled"? I can only speak for myself, and I don't quite understand it, but every time I have tried to arrange or form an equal relationship or friendship with another person, I have ended up with that person trying to control and change me. The thought I'm having right now is if perhaps people do this because they have this sense that I (and psychopaths in general) am different, the shallow emotion thing again... Maybe they think I'm lying or have a wrong way of thinking because my ideas are controversial, which they are as a result of on one hand me having very bad experiences with normal people, and on the other hand me being less confined by conformist thinking due to my psychopathic shallow emotions and therefore lack of bonding capacity which allows me to think outside the box much more than most people do. It has undeniably led to me being quite willing to confront ideas about the way the average population limits and oppresses each other in a very destructive way, but which they don't have the luxury of admitting to or even investigating the possibility of because it to them is a way of survival, of not loosing hope because realizing how deeply in the grip of willingly giving themselves up to Milgram Experiment effect-like line of thought and actively oppressing and hurting their fellow citizens they are, giving up their freedom in the name of a false sense of safety and security, that will understandably be very depressing to someone with a normal emotional depth.

But I didn't know this until recently. I didn't understand why they were so willing to and actively condoning giving up all freedom and being perversely mean toward each other as a quite normal everyday behavior, I could only conclude that it certainly isn't what good people do, it is in fact evil if anything is. Yet they always said I am the evil person despite it always being me who is willing to try and give up this type of behavior.

And here is the point...

Because I have always believed in being the best person you can be, I have repeatedly throughout the early part of my life set myself up to be abused and attempted put under normal people's control. I wonder if this is what makes most psychopaths conclude that since if you try to create an even basis to interact with others always results in others hurting you and trying to control you, it seems the only way you can avoid this from repeatedly happening again and again is to be the one who does the hurting and controlling. Because it isn't enough to just live and let live, you have to actually allow others to hurt and control you or they won't be satisfied.

What I'm saying is that other may be acting this way toward psychopaths because they sense we're different, they sense our emotions are shallow and think that means we aren't sincere, so they conclude we're lying and we must be bad so they develop antipathy against us and hurt us, or they try to control us because they think that otherwise we'll do something bad or evil, or they simply react with a sense of fear because we don't respond to the emotional bonding thing and I know that can be very unnerving.

I know it can be unnerving because I have tried it. Contrary to common belief that has it that psychopaths cannot fall prey to somebody else's manipulation this can and does happen. Many young teenage psychopaths have experienced this when meeting older and more experienced psychopaths. I had this experience myself once. I was about 19 years old and I met a guy who was 62, but he was very youthful in mind so I didn't feel any generation gap effects, and besides I've never cared about age differences anyway, so I was interested in him because he appeared to be so much in control and so much at ease with everything that I wanted to learn from him.

The first strange thing I experienced with him was that he didn't allow me to take control. I was used to being the one who showed an interest in the other person and asked all the questions, and so I asked him some questions as usual. But he refused to answer and simply firmly stated that now it was not about him but about me. That took me by surprise, but I thought "Okay, I can always turn things around later on, I'll accommodate him for now". But "later on" never really came because when it was my turn to ask questions he just didn't respond like I was used to people doing. It was very confusing and I didn't know what to make of it. I decided to wait and see, I thought eventually he would have to give in to the normal wish to bond and get close to another person, in this case myself. Then he began to behave strangely.

I had begun my singing career at the time and one morning - I was homeless at the time and he'd offered that I could stay at his penthouse apartment which I did (he never advanced on me sexually. If he had I would've been out of there very quickly, but he was an a-sexual psychopath which isn't uncommon for psychopaths who are heavy on the traits under point 1. on the PCL-R, also known as 'classic flat affect psychopaths who aren't necessarily antisocial or criminal). I was in the bathroom and started singing as I usually did when I knew I was going on stage the same day or evening. And then he shouted: "People who sing in the bathroom are crazy!" When I came back out he repeated this and I said "No, that's absurd, a lot of people sing in the bath, it's quite common even among people who don't sing for a living".

Then he did something I have since learned is very common - and a very good check point when you want to spot a psychopath - he had no argument, but he wouldn't give in, so he simply repeated himself: "People who sing in the bathroom are crazy!". I too repeated myself, "No, they're not! Lots of people do it! Surely you must be aware of that?". "People who sing in the bathroom are crazy!". At that point I gave up trying to reason with him, I didn't give him what he wanted - saying "well, maybe you;re right" or something like that - and he knew it, but it was a stalemate for now, so none of us said any more about it.

Later there would be other examples of the very same thing. But what confused me was the way he didn't respond to my attempts to make him feel an emotional bond with me. I had never experienced anything like it. I had met plenty of psychopaths, but I had always spotted them so easily and they'd never appeared interesting in any way, so I'd never tried to get them to become friends with me. In the case of this guy I did try because I thought he had knowledge I could learn from and I had no negative intentions of using it to con others as is so commonly believed about everything a psychopath does with other people. Back then i still continued to try to.. well, bond I guess, because I wasn't aware that I didn't have the ability to do so with anyone. I thought my failure in this department all stemmed from others letting me down by trying to control me or ending up hurting and betraying me.

The next few days a tension grew between us and I knew it was because I failed to give into his ridiculous statements like the one I've described above. But in spite of this, against everything I would've expected, he out of the blue asked me if I wanted to come along for a holiday down south, I wouldn't have to pay for anything, hotel room and food and plane tickets, he was paying for it all.

I knew there was no hidden sexual agenda. He wasn't even gay in the slightest. I had no money at the time (my band was in between contracts and had some difficulty getting our sponsor to pay a decent amount of money), so I thought "Hey, if he wants to pay, sure, I won't tell him not to!", so I said I'd love to go, and I was thinking that this might be a chance to get things back on track between us so I could finally get to know him and learn something from him. The day before we went the tensions were higher than ever and I said "C'mon, let's just have fun now while we're on this trip, okay?" and he replied "Okay".

But he never changed anything, there was just no connection at all. Why was he even interested in me? I didn't get it. Of course I get it now. He was interested in e because I was different from what he was used to meet in other people, he may even have known I was a psychopath myself and wanted to see how far he could push me. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that he knew for a fact that he himself was a psychopath. It was obvious that he had studied psychology, and a few things he said about having been sentenced and how he had behaved in court and stuff, when I myself found out I knew that he knew about himself back then.


Watch out for the next part of: Psychopaths: Control Lest YOU Be Controlled - Part 2.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Kind & Wise Words - For Someone Undeserving?

I have received many comments with regard to my articles about the physical issues that I have. It took my several years before I felt comfortable enough to tell others about my disability and the reason for it because I knew I probably wouldn't be believed. I will write a little more about that in a future article, but mostly I think I'll probably move on to other subjects. However, I did write it on many requests, via emails and in the comments section, so it wasn't a sudden whim of mine.

I will post a comment left by one of my Readers and then do the same with my reply. Here goes...
It is nice to know your problem is not spinal because that is the worst thing. I am not even slightly curious where you are because most countries are overregulated by government and I would not get anything out of knowing your location. People refuse to believe sad stories because they are used to stories with a moral behind them. Someone got into trouble because of some obvious misdeed they did. Random injury and disease does not fit into their worldview. Accepting nihilistic reality would shake them too much and introduce a new layer of stress they cannot even imagine coping with so they are eager to dismiss these kinds of information because they know that the amount of worrying weighted against the amount of change they can make is bad. My health is also bad and I have been reading about doctors and medicine is most advanced countries, some even with a economies that are described as free. Medicine is extremely untransparent and shady and all of that is hidden behind the ideal of privacy.
Anyway you seem to be in a bad situation but not too bad as you can still have things done to you to fix your knee. There are reasons to be optimistic but my guy cannot do anything for you as your problem is missing stuff in your body and all he can do is some manual repositioning. Your problem is mostly money and I cannot really do anything there as I am not a rich person. However I have a scheme to get rich and if I do I will contact you to fix your knee or atleast give you a decent chance at tricking me into giving you the money. It's a win win because I will help you in both cases and either feel good about it or get a lesson from it.
Here below is my reply...

You're a very kind person and the first who have said you would help me out openly here in the comments section, ever. But I can assure you, that if that was to be, I would not take your money without providing your proof that was impossible to doubt before I received as much as a dime from you. You would be able to meet me beforehand, and that alone would be quite convincing. I can now hardly walk 50 meters without doubling over in pain and I can't bent my knee to sit down normally on a chair. I am thus excluded from most restaurants and cinemas and I can't visit people privately because I can't close the rest room door (my leg sticks out).

So while the people I live among are hard to interact with as such, this makes the isolation complete.

Put on top of that that I used to be very athletic. I was not a leading athlete, but I trained as if I was one. It kept me sane because I have this ADHD-like trait that many psychopaths suffer from... in my experience it is imperative to most psychopaths that they have the ability to stay active most of the time.

I think I will leave it at this but still want to tell you that your comment touched me deeply, so when I didn't reply to you right away the reason was definitely not indifference, rather the opposite. But I have also had some hard days after falling from my chair as I was about to get up, and one of the legs are now so wobley that I've been reluctant to use it again since it's just a matter of time before that leg with come completely off and I'll have nothing to sit in when I write and surf the Internet. Anyway, I'll have to find a solution to that.

Funny as it may sound, my sleeping chair is close to the same state and I'm not sure what to do when that happens. But I'll figure something out.

Thanks again for kind and uplifting words to me. You have wisdom, Darius.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Psychopathic Characters In Theater.

Pandora, a bright woman who is writing a screenplay for a dark comedy in which one of the characters is a psychopath, has she asked me if I would answer some questions in order to maybe give her a clearer impression of what a psychopath is or how he would act and feel in certain situations or about certain things. Of course I couldn't say no to such a request, so I have answered her questions to the best of my ability in the text below here.

Let's get right to it...
1) If you have ever committed a crime, what was your main motivation to do so? If you haven't, what was your motivation not to do so?
Oh wow, I can't answer that with one line, I think. You see, I have committed a lot of crimes and I have had a sorts of motivations for committing them. But you may say that one motivation runs through all my actions, criminal and otherwise: I felt I had to do what I did in order to gain what I wanted to gain.
2) How did you 'feel' or what did you 'think' when you were diagnosed, or realized you were a psychopath?
When I was diagnosed I felt kind of satisfied because to me the diagnosis wasn't real, so I concluded they diagnosed me with psychopathy because they couldn't understand me, couldn't figure the 'real me' out and thus by the psychopathy diagnosis unwillingly admitted that they couldn't control me.

The funny thing is I was right. They couldn't control me until they were able to make so physically incapacitated that it teared at mt overall health.

But when I realized that psychopathy is real and that I fit the criteria of what it means to be a psychopath, my feelings were a mixture of "Wow, that's exactly how I feel/how I am/How it's always been/etc. - when I got the information from other psychopaths who knew what they were and wrote about it - and a feeling of "Ah, so that's why I've been treated so strange by this and that person, by these and those people during my upbringing!". It's been an ongoing list of new discoveries in all cases.

One of the most well known clinical psychologists, Dr. Robert D. Hare, whom we have to thank for much of the first research in later years (that's about 25 years) until recently, used to say that psychopaths can't get 'better' in a societal way by learning about their condition. He says we only use our gained knowledge to become better at deceiving and abusing others. This is true in some cases, but psychopaths are like everybody else individuals, and not everybody react the same way. My reaction were to turn completely around, if you will, and decide to try and help society get a better understanding of what we are and why we so often become heavily antisocial.
3) Have you ever considered getting help? If so, why? If so, has it worked?
I have been subjected to all sorts of "help" since I was a little child. Cognitive therapy and all that. But it didn't help because those who "therapized" me always had the air of "I know best" and "You do what I tell you to", there was no real cooperation. I have been hurt badly by a few of these "helpers" and I don't believe in that therapy. I believe in providing people with knowledge, and with treating them according to how they behave. Not in the sense that you should punish someone for something he did in another lifetime, so to speak - a time where he was another person and didn't have the understanding he has now, but treat him truly in accordance with who he is today - and you can only know this about a psychopath by observing his actions. If he consistently do things that are helpful and consistently tell you the truth about himself, possible like I do: Telling you more and more, including things he isn't proud or happy about and which he knows will bring about some scorn (as you have seen in this comment thread that I have from at least one person, a person who speaks for several dozen others)... a psychopath who goes that far to be honest about himself and provide knowledge about people of his minority, I believe that for one, you have no reason to not believe him (who on earth would lie himself weaker and less capable, less admirable than he really is?), and I believe you shouldn't punish him for crimes committed many years ago if all it does it take away an opportunity for people to learn more and new things about psychopaths.
4) What are your personal struggles if you feel you have them? Do you enjoy being a psychopath, or would you rather change? Or do you change only because you feel like you have to?
I have changed, and only because I wanted to. I changed because I took the time to learn about myself as well as about those who used to be my victims (normal people with weaknesses), but I am still a psychopath.

Being a psychopath basically just means you have stunted or absent capacities to feel empathy, love, and/or remorse.

Most psychopaths can feel Empathy but only for limited periods and the emotion isn't deep rooted. I can attest to this.

A lot of psychopaths admit they can't feel Love and do not believe it exists, or they believe it exists but don't care to feel it even if they could. I always thought I could feel love but hadn't experienced it because the right situation or person hadn't come alone yet. Now that I'm older I'm no longer certain. I don't know if I can feel love or not, I only know it hasn't happened yet.

All psychopaths lack the ability to feel Remorse. I don't think any of us could even if we wanted to. When some psychopaths sometimes claim they feel remorse, I think it is more a simple recognition of "hey, that was too bad. If I could change it I would", but that isn't remorse. Remorse is being in emotional pain because of something you did, and I have never seen or heard of a psychopath doing that. Personally I have no qualms with admitting I don't feel remorse about anything - again, I can feel regret, and I can be sincere in apologizing if I have hurt somebody by killing one of their loved ones or doing something else that brought them agony - but I fail to see the purpose of being emotionally in pain about something that has already happened and can't be undone. It helps nobody. In my view it is better to make sure to not repeat whatever your mistake was and learn from it, spend your time on making things better, not on sitting in a corner feeling sad because of something you did.

5) Do you ever feel stigmatized or unfairly treated or portrayed in the media?
This is not so much a matter of feeling as it is a matter of fact. I have become so accustomed to it in a sense, but I have come to realize that not only do mainstream society hurt and alienate psychopaths further, keeping them at the outside of what we call humanity or even humankind, but it hurts you, the normal people too, because it maintains all the stigma and misunderstandings, not to mention the lacking understanding which are essential if we want to change things.

Some psychopaths say about the victims: "It's their own doing, they should take responsibility instead of whine about their misfortune". And while this sounds very callous and is in many cases too harsh since we're talking about people who didn't have the necessary tools to avoid being abused - and that's not their fault, as little as it is the psychopath's fault - they (the psychopaths who say this) do have a point...

Too long have we - or you, society - used psychopaths as scapegoats that could be blamed for anything and everything, all bad was always our fault, ad worst of all, you need not even look for a reason because you already knew that we did the bad things for one reason only: Because we're EVIL.

And that is just way too easy. Most people today know that there's more to it than calling somebody evil - unless you're deeply practicing religious (Christian or Muslim, they both have this Absolute Evil aspect). But truth is - and is finally about to be proven by the few that people are willing to listen to: The scientists and psychologists themselves! - that nobody, not even psychopaths, become antisocial for no reason at all.

Most psychopathy research has been done on psychopathic inmates in prisons (I myself have been part of such a research program even as I've been writing this blog), but most imprisoned psychopaths have a background with heavy neglect and abuse throughout childhood, and some even with bullying because they were different and alone.

What researchers are slowly beginning to find out is that there are plenty of psychopaths who never end up in prison and who even do good things for society, because they have been raised very differently from those who end up in prison - or who get away with it, maybe by being guarded by a wealthy family.

I am one of those who were neglected and stigmatized even before I was ever diagnosed, simply because I was an orphan, taken by the state from my poor and very young mother and put in an orphanage and later adopted into a family with an okay step father who was rarely home, and a very controlling and selfish, even sadistic step mother who's main goal quickly became "He is to be broken! I HATE him! He is EVIL!". She spread this "propaganda" in the neighborhood, and even before then everybody knew that they adopted an orphan so a lot of children had been forbidden to play with me even before I arrived. And do you think any of the adults in the area lifted a hand to help me? No, not in that county they didn't. They all observed her abuse but did nothing. So I eventually gravitated towards the 'bad seeds', the other, older boys whom nobody was allowed to play with.
6) Do you have someone you would consider your best friend? How would you define this relationship? Would you miss them, would you feel something if they were disappointed in you or if they left?
Sadly, I do not have a best friend anymore. If I did, I would not be in the situation I'm in now, and it's very likely that I wouldn't have written about the state of health I'm in. But I did have a best friend. However, she died of cancer almost 4 years ago, it happened very suddenly. I was about to get a lover at the same time - a lovely woman I had met via this very website - and I had finally laid out a plan to leave this country forever... and it would've worked too, but I had to return for her funeral and the state detained me on grounds that the Psychopathy Research Program had been renewed and they now needed my participation for a months long session (taking place in the special prison ward build specifically for us psychopaths who had been picked to be in the program - and be released on probation for certain if we agreed to do it... Yeah, just look what kind of freedom this probation has brought me. Damn liars, hah!... Since then I have been stuck here as my condition (which I have described in a few earlier articles) is wearing on me and my chances to escape, regain my health and realize my plans by making them come to fruition so I can contribute to society with some of the more important knowledge that is needed right now, become fewer for every day that passes.

I hope my answers are helpful even if they don't exactly fit the kind of character you intend to portray. You're very welcome to ask me further questions about how to show dark comic aspects in a character that is obviously psychopathic, though I'll most likely need to know a little more about that character in order to be of any real help. - It may work best if you send me an email, though. - Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your project.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Psychopathic Ruled Countries.

A Reader wrote the following:
If your problem is spinal, don't operate it. That can screw up your situation even more. If you can say more about your situation I could try to do something to help you. Nobody deserves torture, not even worst torturers
This is my reply which I have chosen to publish as an article because I've considered writing about it for some time yet never got around to doing it. Well here it is...

t's nothing as complicated as spine surgery. In fact it is about a routine surgery: A knee implant. It may be too late for that because I've been left with a stiff leg that is shorter than the other (because the knee was removed), but there's also the possibility of an amputation and a prosthesis. But they won't do neither despite it has crippled me, and not only my leg, but my back especially.

The first years I kept walking and could walk so nobody noticed I didn't have a knee or that I had a stiff leg - as long as I didn't try to sit down, of course, which again meant I was limited in my social interactions (when you can't used people's rest room because you can't close the door, and the same is the case with public places such as restaurants etc., and you can't sit normally so you take up room for two people and have everybody present stare at you and the people you're with, because it's unheard of that somebody doesn't get treatment - especially treatment of such a simple nature as this.

Wanna know why I ended up this way? I contracted a small infection - small at first, from a tick (but I didn't know that's what caused it). My physician took some tests but couldn't figure out what kid of infection it was and gave up. When I asked him for a reference to get a second opinion from a hospital or a specialist, he refused to do so. I even had an official present who was there to ensure I got my rights respected, but all he said was: "I have never heard a doctor deny their patient a reference to a specialist when they themselves couldn't find out what's wrong". And that was that.

I went for a year with this condition getting worse and worse. While the infection itself started at the upper thigh near the hip, it ended up inside my knee, and after a year I lost consciousness while walking on the street - which is lucky because otherwise I would've died.

When I awoke they had removed my knee and meant to replace it, but the surgeon who had done the surgery was suddenly transferred to a different hospital, and the one who took his place for some reason didn't like me. I was otherwise very much liked on the whole ward. But this new surgeon, when he found two wallets on a newly arrived drug addict who had stolen them from other patients, but claimed I had stolen them and then given them to him (an absurd story).

If the surgeon had only asked the patients and the staff about what kind of patient I was he would've been told was out of the question that I would ever steal anything from anybody at the hospital, but he didn't ask anybody, he just released me without a surgery, saying I could get it at any other hospital.

I believe him, but it turned out to be a lie.

I have applied for surgery 4 times, and each time the denials have become more mean, actually ridiculing me. The first time I was told I wasn't in enough pain yet. The last time, after having described how it had ruined my social life completely, I was told I just needed to be more social. It was just a way of being mean to me, I know because I was there and I know how to tell when people are being deliberately mean.

In this country there's nothing anybody can do. The population is completely in the pockets of those who have a bit of power. As I have tried to explain before, they do NOT care about Human Rights nor Civil Rights.

I can do only one thing: Get away from here, but it is becoming more and more difficult the worse my health is getting.

The problem I often face when I talk to people from other countries is that they can't imagine that things really are this bad, they think I'm exaggerating or maybe even crazy due to the many nice things that's been said about the country. Most people haven't the slightest clue how inhuman this place, this small country really is.

A few facts:

  • They have the highest number of socially isolated and so called lonely people in the world
  • They have the highest use of alcohol which starts around age 12 with the aid of the parents.
  • They have one of the highest annual suicide numbers in the world and have had so for many, many years.
  • They  are the only country who keeps record registrations of ALL internet activity and ALL phone activity taking place by it's population.
  • They're the only country who diagnose people as psychopaths if they have a score on the PCL-R as low as 18. (Think about what that means: It means conformity on a scale not seen anywhere else in the world - except for perhaps Nazi Germany).
  • They have the highest number of citizens committed to psychiatric institution.
  • They have the highest number of citizens of psypharmaca (Zoloft being the mildest).
  • They have the highest taxes PLUS the highest number of the highest various individual fees PLUS the highest VAT in the world.
  • They have the highest number of laws in the world - so high that those who administrate them don't know what's legal and what isn't.
  • They make the highest number of new laws - 7 new laws every day - in the world (to compare, The US makes 4 new laws a week).
  • They are considered one of the two most racist nations in the world.
  • They are - to my knowledge - the only country in the world who has disarmed their population to the point where a woman can't use a deodorant in place of a pepper spray (which is illegal) to defend herself.

Ca. 4 years ago I found all these statistics and more by using Google Search. About 2 years ago all these statistics had suddenly been altered and can clearly no longer be trusted. This country has realized the importance of information spread via the internet and now has people paid to replace fact with fiction in order to make themselves look good and normal.

Sometimes it makes you wonder who's acting like psychopaths are automatically said to do and who's genuinely trying to make things better.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

How 'Good Psychopaths' Are Forced To Stop Telling The Truth.

The following article will be about how quietly isolating people and individuals, denying them their rights as human beings, can stunt your ability to grow on an emotional level and stall - or completely stop - your ability to be creative and to continue writing your story.

This article began as a reply to the comment which an Anonymous Reader placed under the article named: "Psychopaths & Needs - Letting Go?" on: Oct. 5 -15, 1.01 PM'. I saw the potential for an article because there was so much I could say, which would take up too much space for a comment and which - more to the point - I wanted my Readers in general to have easy access to reading. So I decided to turn my reply into an article, and here it is...:

Thank you for your supporting words. People may not realize it, but it really can mean a lot also for a psychopath to hear something like what you have written here when they are standing with their backs against the wall, spending almost every second of their waking life at fighting the surroundings' clever ways of attempting to neutralize you - basically kill you, but without actually pulling a trigger, just by refusing you any means of access to medical or surgical aid that could make you a capable and functioning person.

I really do appreciate your gesture. There are times where I'm a the brink of thinking my fight for survival and what I fight for being able to do and do better than ever before, is an illusion, that the world may not be ready after all, and after all, I have already planted the seed and can see it grow in background and on the net here and there, but simultaneously I sometimes feel that I as a person is no longer needed so I might as well let go.

It would be easy to just die - but problem: I want to experience it when I die, and that isn't easily accomplished without accepting a great deal of pain. That would be observable to those who find me afterwards, and I don't want to give them satisfaction of witnessing what they believe to be an evil person having died a painful death, granting them revenge that it ill placed.

Besides, even when I'm at my worst, I still can't let go. The instinct to survive is too strong, and maybe there's an element of the supernatural here also, because: When things really hit the fan I always get that extra something coming out of nowhere but which leads me ahead and onward, out of the situation I was in.

Some of it is of course that when I really have to fight, in the most extreme situations, I suddenly get that fuel by which I thrive: Stimulation. This is also the main weapon used to slowly try and kill me: Depriving me of any kind of input except from what I can find on the internet.

I have now become so bad health wise that I can't even walk to the small shop at the corner of the building in which I live. The pain takes over and makes my muscles refuse to perform the actions I want them to. Within the last two years I've grown around 15 years older and my health issues keep mounting up, new ones coming to all the time.

Funny as it may sound, I have been delegate a team of social workers from the state who are supposed to help me get a better life and help me accomplish the things I want to change, things like getting my health back. But whenever I want help that includes any kind of activity which would actually help me, they decline. In other words, they're only there to witness my life decline. - Ooh, they are very nice, especially one of them has done things no one else in the system of the state has done for me, but it is all aimed at keeping me occupied sitting in my little prison until I die.

I wonder if anybody can believe me when I say that the life I'm having now is a worse experience than the life I had when I was in prison. I never thought this possible, but it's the truth.

Another funny thing: I have realized that there are more low key psychopaths within the state than I thought, and I happen to have one on my case. He's one of the lucky ones who had a good upbringing and who has sailed smoothly through one exciting - and legal - assignment after another, and what's more, I suspect that he knows what he is. But he also understands the unusual extent by which every citizen in this society is being monitored, and after making a simple check I soon found out that he'll not be helping me in any real helpful way, he simply won't risk his job - and thereby his whole future within the borders of this country - by helping someone, despite it is very obvious that he knows I probably am the person who Should be helped the most of all the people he has met, and will meet, via his different works (he regularly changes his jobs to keep things interesting and fresh).

I also know that the one main individual behind the refusals to provide me surgery is very much a psychopath too. However, whether he knows or not (he no doubt knows that he's different), he doesn't know that I am one. He only knows what he believes about me, all of which is pretty much lies and mistaken careless notes that have taken on a life of their own - something that's more common than even I knew until fairly recently within the state, the police and the hospitals and medical systems.

Anyway, I thought I would write a little more than just tell you how much I appreciate hearing that people still are aware that I have something to give. If I could get away from here and thus gain better access to sources for my research, as well as the ability to contact people I cannot contact now because that contact would be intervened and perhaps even made impossible - after all, this country is one of the highest censored in the Western world, and it's surveilance is complete meaning ALL phone and ALL internet activity is being monitored, recorded and put on file, and then sent to the police to go through. It is said that every 500th file that comes in (and they ALL come in, into their system) is being read or watched by the police plus probably their search engines set specifically to look for certain words and phrases plus certain patterns in the text that could suggest a code is being used; things like that.

I will end this article here, but more is to come. I do not intend to stop writing, it's just that I sometimes must spend all my energy at mere survival, plus a depleted mind will have difficulty executing even previously well planned actions - such as the writing the articles about specific subjects which I have now had a which to publish for quite a while since they include aspects that will explain some important things about me and how I came to be the way I was, and the way I now am.

It is very difficult to be creative when you are consistently denied all Civil and Human Rights.

That's why denying certain individuals their rights is being used so often as a means to get rid of elements who's words might create the roots of something that'll grow to become problems of a magnitude that even guns and armies can't silence.

Until next time...!