Thursday, November 12, 2015

Psychopathic Characters In Theater.

Pandora, a bright woman who is writing a screenplay for a dark comedy in which one of the characters is a psychopath, has she asked me if I would answer some questions in order to maybe give her a clearer impression of what a psychopath is or how he would act and feel in certain situations or about certain things. Of course I couldn't say no to such a request, so I have answered her questions to the best of my ability in the text below here.

Let's get right to it...
1) If you have ever committed a crime, what was your main motivation to do so? If you haven't, what was your motivation not to do so?
Oh wow, I can't answer that with one line, I think. You see, I have committed a lot of crimes and I have had a sorts of motivations for committing them. But you may say that one motivation runs through all my actions, criminal and otherwise: I felt I had to do what I did in order to gain what I wanted to gain.
2) How did you 'feel' or what did you 'think' when you were diagnosed, or realized you were a psychopath?
When I was diagnosed I felt kind of satisfied because to me the diagnosis wasn't real, so I concluded they diagnosed me with psychopathy because they couldn't understand me, couldn't figure the 'real me' out and thus by the psychopathy diagnosis unwillingly admitted that they couldn't control me.

The funny thing is I was right. They couldn't control me until they were able to make so physically incapacitated that it teared at mt overall health.

But when I realized that psychopathy is real and that I fit the criteria of what it means to be a psychopath, my feelings were a mixture of "Wow, that's exactly how I feel/how I am/How it's always been/etc. - when I got the information from other psychopaths who knew what they were and wrote about it - and a feeling of "Ah, so that's why I've been treated so strange by this and that person, by these and those people during my upbringing!". It's been an ongoing list of new discoveries in all cases.

One of the most well known clinical psychologists, Dr. Robert D. Hare, whom we have to thank for much of the first research in later years (that's about 25 years) until recently, used to say that psychopaths can't get 'better' in a societal way by learning about their condition. He says we only use our gained knowledge to become better at deceiving and abusing others. This is true in some cases, but psychopaths are like everybody else individuals, and not everybody react the same way. My reaction were to turn completely around, if you will, and decide to try and help society get a better understanding of what we are and why we so often become heavily antisocial.
3) Have you ever considered getting help? If so, why? If so, has it worked?
I have been subjected to all sorts of "help" since I was a little child. Cognitive therapy and all that. But it didn't help because those who "therapized" me always had the air of "I know best" and "You do what I tell you to", there was no real cooperation. I have been hurt badly by a few of these "helpers" and I don't believe in that therapy. I believe in providing people with knowledge, and with treating them according to how they behave. Not in the sense that you should punish someone for something he did in another lifetime, so to speak - a time where he was another person and didn't have the understanding he has now, but treat him truly in accordance with who he is today - and you can only know this about a psychopath by observing his actions. If he consistently do things that are helpful and consistently tell you the truth about himself, possible like I do: Telling you more and more, including things he isn't proud or happy about and which he knows will bring about some scorn (as you have seen in this comment thread that I have from at least one person, a person who speaks for several dozen others)... a psychopath who goes that far to be honest about himself and provide knowledge about people of his minority, I believe that for one, you have no reason to not believe him (who on earth would lie himself weaker and less capable, less admirable than he really is?), and I believe you shouldn't punish him for crimes committed many years ago if all it does it take away an opportunity for people to learn more and new things about psychopaths.
4) What are your personal struggles if you feel you have them? Do you enjoy being a psychopath, or would you rather change? Or do you change only because you feel like you have to?
I have changed, and only because I wanted to. I changed because I took the time to learn about myself as well as about those who used to be my victims (normal people with weaknesses), but I am still a psychopath.

Being a psychopath basically just means you have stunted or absent capacities to feel empathy, love, and/or remorse.

Most psychopaths can feel Empathy but only for limited periods and the emotion isn't deep rooted. I can attest to this.

A lot of psychopaths admit they can't feel Love and do not believe it exists, or they believe it exists but don't care to feel it even if they could. I always thought I could feel love but hadn't experienced it because the right situation or person hadn't come alone yet. Now that I'm older I'm no longer certain. I don't know if I can feel love or not, I only know it hasn't happened yet.

All psychopaths lack the ability to feel Remorse. I don't think any of us could even if we wanted to. When some psychopaths sometimes claim they feel remorse, I think it is more a simple recognition of "hey, that was too bad. If I could change it I would", but that isn't remorse. Remorse is being in emotional pain because of something you did, and I have never seen or heard of a psychopath doing that. Personally I have no qualms with admitting I don't feel remorse about anything - again, I can feel regret, and I can be sincere in apologizing if I have hurt somebody by killing one of their loved ones or doing something else that brought them agony - but I fail to see the purpose of being emotionally in pain about something that has already happened and can't be undone. It helps nobody. In my view it is better to make sure to not repeat whatever your mistake was and learn from it, spend your time on making things better, not on sitting in a corner feeling sad because of something you did.

5) Do you ever feel stigmatized or unfairly treated or portrayed in the media?
This is not so much a matter of feeling as it is a matter of fact. I have become so accustomed to it in a sense, but I have come to realize that not only do mainstream society hurt and alienate psychopaths further, keeping them at the outside of what we call humanity or even humankind, but it hurts you, the normal people too, because it maintains all the stigma and misunderstandings, not to mention the lacking understanding which are essential if we want to change things.

Some psychopaths say about the victims: "It's their own doing, they should take responsibility instead of whine about their misfortune". And while this sounds very callous and is in many cases too harsh since we're talking about people who didn't have the necessary tools to avoid being abused - and that's not their fault, as little as it is the psychopath's fault - they (the psychopaths who say this) do have a point...

Too long have we - or you, society - used psychopaths as scapegoats that could be blamed for anything and everything, all bad was always our fault, ad worst of all, you need not even look for a reason because you already knew that we did the bad things for one reason only: Because we're EVIL.

And that is just way too easy. Most people today know that there's more to it than calling somebody evil - unless you're deeply practicing religious (Christian or Muslim, they both have this Absolute Evil aspect). But truth is - and is finally about to be proven by the few that people are willing to listen to: The scientists and psychologists themselves! - that nobody, not even psychopaths, become antisocial for no reason at all.

Most psychopathy research has been done on psychopathic inmates in prisons (I myself have been part of such a research program even as I've been writing this blog), but most imprisoned psychopaths have a background with heavy neglect and abuse throughout childhood, and some even with bullying because they were different and alone.

What researchers are slowly beginning to find out is that there are plenty of psychopaths who never end up in prison and who even do good things for society, because they have been raised very differently from those who end up in prison - or who get away with it, maybe by being guarded by a wealthy family.

I am one of those who were neglected and stigmatized even before I was ever diagnosed, simply because I was an orphan, taken by the state from my poor and very young mother and put in an orphanage and later adopted into a family with an okay step father who was rarely home, and a very controlling and selfish, even sadistic step mother who's main goal quickly became "He is to be broken! I HATE him! He is EVIL!". She spread this "propaganda" in the neighborhood, and even before then everybody knew that they adopted an orphan so a lot of children had been forbidden to play with me even before I arrived. And do you think any of the adults in the area lifted a hand to help me? No, not in that county they didn't. They all observed her abuse but did nothing. So I eventually gravitated towards the 'bad seeds', the other, older boys whom nobody was allowed to play with.
6) Do you have someone you would consider your best friend? How would you define this relationship? Would you miss them, would you feel something if they were disappointed in you or if they left?
Sadly, I do not have a best friend anymore. If I did, I would not be in the situation I'm in now, and it's very likely that I wouldn't have written about the state of health I'm in. But I did have a best friend. However, she died of cancer almost 4 years ago, it happened very suddenly. I was about to get a lover at the same time - a lovely woman I had met via this very website - and I had finally laid out a plan to leave this country forever... and it would've worked too, but I had to return for her funeral and the state detained me on grounds that the Psychopathy Research Program had been renewed and they now needed my participation for a months long session (taking place in the special prison ward build specifically for us psychopaths who had been picked to be in the program - and be released on probation for certain if we agreed to do it... Yeah, just look what kind of freedom this probation has brought me. Damn liars, hah!... Since then I have been stuck here as my condition (which I have described in a few earlier articles) is wearing on me and my chances to escape, regain my health and realize my plans by making them come to fruition so I can contribute to society with some of the more important knowledge that is needed right now, become fewer for every day that passes.

I hope my answers are helpful even if they don't exactly fit the kind of character you intend to portray. You're very welcome to ask me further questions about how to show dark comic aspects in a character that is obviously psychopathic, though I'll most likely need to know a little more about that character in order to be of any real help. - It may work best if you send me an email, though. - Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your project.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Psychopathic Ruled Countries.

A Reader wrote the following:
If your problem is spinal, don't operate it. That can screw up your situation even more. If you can say more about your situation I could try to do something to help you. Nobody deserves torture, not even worst torturers
This is my reply which I have chosen to publish as an article because I've considered writing about it for some time yet never got around to doing it. Well here it is...

t's nothing as complicated as spine surgery. In fact it is about a routine surgery: A knee implant. It may be too late for that because I've been left with a stiff leg that is shorter than the other (because the knee was removed), but there's also the possibility of an amputation and a prosthesis. But they won't do neither despite it has crippled me, and not only my leg, but my back especially.

The first years I kept walking and could walk so nobody noticed I didn't have a knee or that I had a stiff leg - as long as I didn't try to sit down, of course, which again meant I was limited in my social interactions (when you can't used people's rest room because you can't close the door, and the same is the case with public places such as restaurants etc., and you can't sit normally so you take up room for two people and have everybody present stare at you and the people you're with, because it's unheard of that somebody doesn't get treatment - especially treatment of such a simple nature as this.

Wanna know why I ended up this way? I contracted a small infection - small at first, from a tick (but I didn't know that's what caused it). My physician took some tests but couldn't figure out what kid of infection it was and gave up. When I asked him for a reference to get a second opinion from a hospital or a specialist, he refused to do so. I even had an official present who was there to ensure I got my rights respected, but all he said was: "I have never heard a doctor deny their patient a reference to a specialist when they themselves couldn't find out what's wrong". And that was that.

I went for a year with this condition getting worse and worse. While the infection itself started at the upper thigh near the hip, it ended up inside my knee, and after a year I lost consciousness while walking on the street - which is lucky because otherwise I would've died.

When I awoke they had removed my knee and meant to replace it, but the surgeon who had done the surgery was suddenly transferred to a different hospital, and the one who took his place for some reason didn't like me. I was otherwise very much liked on the whole ward. But this new surgeon, when he found two wallets on a newly arrived drug addict who had stolen them from other patients, but claimed I had stolen them and then given them to him (an absurd story).

If the surgeon had only asked the patients and the staff about what kind of patient I was he would've been told was out of the question that I would ever steal anything from anybody at the hospital, but he didn't ask anybody, he just released me without a surgery, saying I could get it at any other hospital.

I believe him, but it turned out to be a lie.

I have applied for surgery 4 times, and each time the denials have become more mean, actually ridiculing me. The first time I was told I wasn't in enough pain yet. The last time, after having described how it had ruined my social life completely, I was told I just needed to be more social. It was just a way of being mean to me, I know because I was there and I know how to tell when people are being deliberately mean.

In this country there's nothing anybody can do. The population is completely in the pockets of those who have a bit of power. As I have tried to explain before, they do NOT care about Human Rights nor Civil Rights.

I can do only one thing: Get away from here, but it is becoming more and more difficult the worse my health is getting.

The problem I often face when I talk to people from other countries is that they can't imagine that things really are this bad, they think I'm exaggerating or maybe even crazy due to the many nice things that's been said about the country. Most people haven't the slightest clue how inhuman this place, this small country really is.

A few facts:

  • They have the highest number of socially isolated and so called lonely people in the world
  • They have the highest use of alcohol which starts around age 12 with the aid of the parents.
  • They have one of the highest annual suicide numbers in the world and have had so for many, many years.
  • They  are the only country who keeps record registrations of ALL internet activity and ALL phone activity taking place by it's population.
  • They're the only country who diagnose people as psychopaths if they have a score on the PCL-R as low as 18. (Think about what that means: It means conformity on a scale not seen anywhere else in the world - except for perhaps Nazi Germany).
  • They have the highest number of citizens committed to psychiatric institution.
  • They have the highest number of citizens of psypharmaca (Zoloft being the mildest).
  • They have the highest taxes PLUS the highest number of the highest various individual fees PLUS the highest VAT in the world.
  • They have the highest number of laws in the world - so high that those who administrate them don't know what's legal and what isn't.
  • They make the highest number of new laws - 7 new laws every day - in the world (to compare, The US makes 4 new laws a week).
  • They are considered one of the two most racist nations in the world.
  • They are - to my knowledge - the only country in the world who has disarmed their population to the point where a woman can't use a deodorant in place of a pepper spray (which is illegal) to defend herself.

Ca. 4 years ago I found all these statistics and more by using Google Search. About 2 years ago all these statistics had suddenly been altered and can clearly no longer be trusted. This country has realized the importance of information spread via the internet and now has people paid to replace fact with fiction in order to make themselves look good and normal.

Sometimes it makes you wonder who's acting like psychopaths are automatically said to do and who's genuinely trying to make things better.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

How 'Good Psychopaths' Are Forced To Stop Telling The Truth.

The following article will be about how quietly isolating people and individuals, denying them their rights as human beings, can stunt your ability to grow on an emotional level and stall - or completely stop - your ability to be creative and to continue writing your story.

This article began as a reply to the comment which an Anonymous Reader placed under the article named: "Psychopaths & Needs - Letting Go?" on: Oct. 5 -15, 1.01 PM'. I saw the potential for an article because there was so much I could say, which would take up too much space for a comment and which - more to the point - I wanted my Readers in general to have easy access to reading. So I decided to turn my reply into an article, and here it is...:

Thank you for your supporting words. People may not realize it, but it really can mean a lot also for a psychopath to hear something like what you have written here when they are standing with their backs against the wall, spending almost every second of their waking life at fighting the surroundings' clever ways of attempting to neutralize you - basically kill you, but without actually pulling a trigger, just by refusing you any means of access to medical or surgical aid that could make you a capable and functioning person.

I really do appreciate your gesture. There are times where I'm a the brink of thinking my fight for survival and what I fight for being able to do and do better than ever before, is an illusion, that the world may not be ready after all, and after all, I have already planted the seed and can see it grow in background and on the net here and there, but simultaneously I sometimes feel that I as a person is no longer needed so I might as well let go.

It would be easy to just die - but problem: I want to experience it when I die, and that isn't easily accomplished without accepting a great deal of pain. That would be observable to those who find me afterwards, and I don't want to give them satisfaction of witnessing what they believe to be an evil person having died a painful death, granting them revenge that it ill placed.

Besides, even when I'm at my worst, I still can't let go. The instinct to survive is too strong, and maybe there's an element of the supernatural here also, because: When things really hit the fan I always get that extra something coming out of nowhere but which leads me ahead and onward, out of the situation I was in.

Some of it is of course that when I really have to fight, in the most extreme situations, I suddenly get that fuel by which I thrive: Stimulation. This is also the main weapon used to slowly try and kill me: Depriving me of any kind of input except from what I can find on the internet.

I have now become so bad health wise that I can't even walk to the small shop at the corner of the building in which I live. The pain takes over and makes my muscles refuse to perform the actions I want them to. Within the last two years I've grown around 15 years older and my health issues keep mounting up, new ones coming to all the time.

Funny as it may sound, I have been delegate a team of social workers from the state who are supposed to help me get a better life and help me accomplish the things I want to change, things like getting my health back. But whenever I want help that includes any kind of activity which would actually help me, they decline. In other words, they're only there to witness my life decline. - Ooh, they are very nice, especially one of them has done things no one else in the system of the state has done for me, but it is all aimed at keeping me occupied sitting in my little prison until I die.

I wonder if anybody can believe me when I say that the life I'm having now is a worse experience than the life I had when I was in prison. I never thought this possible, but it's the truth.

Another funny thing: I have realized that there are more low key psychopaths within the state than I thought, and I happen to have one on my case. He's one of the lucky ones who had a good upbringing and who has sailed smoothly through one exciting - and legal - assignment after another, and what's more, I suspect that he knows what he is. But he also understands the unusual extent by which every citizen in this society is being monitored, and after making a simple check I soon found out that he'll not be helping me in any real helpful way, he simply won't risk his job - and thereby his whole future within the borders of this country - by helping someone, despite it is very obvious that he knows I probably am the person who Should be helped the most of all the people he has met, and will meet, via his different works (he regularly changes his jobs to keep things interesting and fresh).

I also know that the one main individual behind the refusals to provide me surgery is very much a psychopath too. However, whether he knows or not (he no doubt knows that he's different), he doesn't know that I am one. He only knows what he believes about me, all of which is pretty much lies and mistaken careless notes that have taken on a life of their own - something that's more common than even I knew until fairly recently within the state, the police and the hospitals and medical systems.

Anyway, I thought I would write a little more than just tell you how much I appreciate hearing that people still are aware that I have something to give. If I could get away from here and thus gain better access to sources for my research, as well as the ability to contact people I cannot contact now because that contact would be intervened and perhaps even made impossible - after all, this country is one of the highest censored in the Western world, and it's surveilance is complete meaning ALL phone and ALL internet activity is being monitored, recorded and put on file, and then sent to the police to go through. It is said that every 500th file that comes in (and they ALL come in, into their system) is being read or watched by the police plus probably their search engines set specifically to look for certain words and phrases plus certain patterns in the text that could suggest a code is being used; things like that.

I will end this article here, but more is to come. I do not intend to stop writing, it's just that I sometimes must spend all my energy at mere survival, plus a depleted mind will have difficulty executing even previously well planned actions - such as the writing the articles about specific subjects which I have now had a which to publish for quite a while since they include aspects that will explain some important things about me and how I came to be the way I was, and the way I now am.

It is very difficult to be creative when you are consistently denied all Civil and Human Rights.

That's why denying certain individuals their rights is being used so often as a means to get rid of elements who's words might create the roots of something that'll grow to become problems of a magnitude that even guns and armies can't silence.

Until next time...!

Friday, October 23, 2015

A Psychopath's View on What Most Don't Want To Know - 1

Nb. 15. - This isn't an uncommon tradition in old native cultures. An example would the Native Australians before the tradition was outlawed by the Australian rulers.

Nb. 14. - I've often wondered what people say in such a situation. I don't know why it's considered more terrifying than knowing many other things about human behavior and even about death. But our society seems to have developed a complete alienation towards death - mots of all so in Northern Europe where you can't even see your loved one's faces as they're laid to rest in their coffins and you say your last goodbyes before they're buried. In those countries it is considered best to dispose of the dead person as quickly as possible and choosing to be burned and buried in "The Cemetery of The Unknown" is very commonplace. Personally I find that much more creepy than knowing what happened to your loved ones before they died or as they died and being able to see them when you say your goodbyes.

Nb. 12. - This is quite true. But what we often forget is that the same thing is the case in most, if not all kinds of deaths - exceptions being when the brain is destroyed as part of the death occurrence.

Nb. 11. - This is probably the least disturbing example of what took place during the Japanese invasion of China in WWII. Try a search on WWII Japanese experiments on Chinese prisoners. (The examples are already on Youtube, so you don't risk giving info that is too disturbing for people which they may not already have been exposed to.)

Nb. 10. - A propos the types of experiments conducted on Chinese prisoners mentioned here above. - I wonder what the rich buyer did with the property and what is there now.

Nb. 9. - These found bodies are not seized by the authorities and send home to their families? Most peculiar. I wonder how other Western climbers react when they pass a landmark and realize it's the dead body of someone else who were there to do the same that they themselves are doing. Also, most climbers aren't exactly poor, so it is a bit difficult to imagine that this use of the dead is taking place without anybody protesting and demanding that at least identification be made. - Perhaps these body landmarks were let's say two in number and have since been identified and sent home, and you just haven't comer upon that information during your research, in that case I'll find it more likely that this really did happen.

Nb. 8. - Yes, this was practiced in the medieval era when Roman Catholicism ruled throughout Europe (not just England). The stake through the heart is a measure to keep the soul "pinned" to the body so it can't come back in the form of a vampire (the subject of vampirism is broad and doesn't merely mean somebody who's body survives after death by drinking human blood. There are many forms, but they all 'take' from the living - mainly their families and loved ones. Everything else described is quite true as well.

Nb. 7. - I don't know why people wouldn't want to know this. It's a custom that either is or has been part of many cultures throughout the history of mankind. Personally I think it seems like a beautiful way to honor and grow and obtain closure while celebrating life and the living as well as memorizing and learn from the role the diseased played in supporting and maintaining their community while they were alive. I can see nothing bad or disturbing about this practice and would love to participate once if I happened to get to know somebody who came from such a community in New Zealand.

Nb. 6. - It is tragic how many events such as this one continues to take place around the globe even to this day.

Nb. 4. - The ignorance, the unawareness that permeates our species, is probably the most disturbing of all. We are so ignorant that fragments of historical facts such as this description - based on a very well carried out gathering of detailed information - will make some of us viewers experience nightmares tonight or moodiness in lone moments for the rest of the day.

Nb. 3 - THANK YOU!... so much for making this fact known to your viewers. '^L^,

Nb. 2. - Yes, all true. However, it often happens when someone get's hit in the eye (even though your eye closes when the hit lands). Of course you will notice very soon because you'll check out the bruises on your face, and black, yellow and purple/dark blue coloring around the eye area commonly occurs simultaneously with the red coloring of your eye ball(s).

Nb. 1. - An unusual occurrence. There may have been what some call a supernatural element, and others call it mass- or collective hallucination, in all of this. Which version one chooses to believe doesn't change the fact that such occurrences are too well documented to put away as nonsense that need no consideration or investigation. - Apart from that, it is not entirely unusual that what appears to be dead bodies are people who are still alive. I have forgotten the term for this condition which makes your life signals so minimal that commonly used apparatus and scan techniques find no life signs and the person is declared dead. But because it is a well known phenomenon in the medical world, bodies are never buried until a certain time has past, giving them time to regain a normal level of life signs plus often waking up as well. It is believed that in medieval times when this was not yet known, many bodies who's coffins were digged up and found to have claw marks as from someone trying to dig or tear their way out of the coffin, were the doings of diseased who had turned into vampires. Now clearly dead and decaying they were given a stake through their hearts and other measures were taken depending on the local tradition, and an exorcism or binding ceremony was performed by a pastor or bishop depending on the diseased's social and economical position of importance within society.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Psychopaths & Needs - Letting Go?

A Reader left a Comment here at, and the Reply I wrote in Response became so long that I eventually decided to write an Article with basis in his comment which is about Choices, particularly Spiritual and Psychological Choices, and he has A Very Interesting Suggestion to Psychopaths who are experiencing what is probably not exactly a Depression, but which is The Closest I think a Psychopath can get to Experiencing an Actual Depression.

In the following I quote the Reader and give my Personal Views and Answers to the Various Ideas Discussed in This Article.

I was thinking. All those conspiracy-thoughts. They are a never ending. A sea of possiblities. Twist one, a new one surges.. Aren't most of them a persons need to feel as if he/she has some control. I think so.
Yeah, I guess that's what it is, motivated by fear, of course. People want to feel that they understand and know exactly what's going on. They're mostly childishly laughable, though. If this sounds unfamiliar to anyone, visit any bar between 5 PM and 5 AM. Or go to one of all the meetings that evangelists and what not advertises on the local TV and radio channels (at least in the US - but definitely not where I'm at now. Here there's only the local bar).
Radical acceptance, would suggest to let go of that need, since one cannot know anyway.
You can't let go of a need. If you could let go of it, it wouldn't be a need. But you can let go of false needs, and there are a lot of those floating around. Still, the need to feel some level of control is linked to survival, that's why that particular need will never go away, and those who have the means and the power uses this to their advantage. Even the programs and speeches that has the aim of getting someone or some party into power of some sort plays on this fear of everything that is slightly untraditional and unfamiliar by painting it in the colors of the current culture's idea of 'evil' - often completely anachronistic, but that doesn't matter because it all works via the subliminal, that which the mainstream population is not quite aware of - because they spend their mental energy on making themselves hyper aware of what they're fed by the popular media.

Thus we blame the individual for eating sugar filled nutrient drained fast food instead of blaming the companies for making that food available to those who can't afford the higher quality foods. We only see the one side, the individual who consumes the bad food and we buy the easy explanations, "he's lazy", "he eats all day", "why don't he go to the gym instead and eat green veggies" etc. etc. And while the questions are legitimate enough, they're one sided, there's more to it, and blaming the weaker part for having caused a bad situation is absurd.

Since when did the weak have the power to create a bad situation that the strong did not want?

But it's convenient to believe that's how it is. Just let go of that need of a meaningful life where you have a meaningful role to play, then you'll not need to over eat ever again. - But as I said above, that need is there for a reason, and you can't let go of a need because it is part of your existential metabolism, so to speak.

One can know a lot of things, and merely accepting and not even trying to understand will not help us either. I think the truth is somewhere in between. You can know some things, but you also have to accept that you can't know it all and you never will. The truth is a little bit different each time you change perspective, and you do that constantly while you live, just as each individual has a slightly different perspective from the next - both having perspectives that constantly changes while they live. It's impossible to know it all, you would have to be the almighty g-d that the Christians and Muslims talk about. He's their excuse for trying to force their beliefs upon others.

And by the way, do you know what they love to do when a newly reformed believer has a crisis? They tell him to just put his faith in g-d, or whatever is their holy deliverer, and otherwise accept that he doesn't understand why this particular belief is the only true way to salvation.
What are they really good for. I'd suggest not very much.
What are the conspiracy theories good for? Why they're only good for making the individual feel a false sense of safety or security in that he thinks he knows it all. And if we take every aspect into consideration, it can save a person's life if perhaps temporarily, just until he's regained enough inner balance to be able to continue his life without borrowing a false sense of security from any conspiracy theories.
Maybe I, maybe you, maybe other, we all should focus more on what we can do something about.
Now you're talking. This is what I've been saying all along, so we do agree about something essential. This is also why testing theories and do research is always good (for as long as you don't mistake the results for final truth) because you never know when it'll bring you new knowledge which again will allow us to do something about something that really needs to be done something about. I think that's what keeps most researchers and people, who has that strong, fundamental curiosity which reaches (far) beyond himself, going.
What we can improve. Ourself. Maybe one can improve by letting go of the need to find solutions and outcomes. To trust. Have faith. I don't know.
Thoughts ?
You already know what I think about giving up trying to find new ways, solutions and outcomes.

About trust and faith I can't say so much, at least not in the same sense that I hear about them from other people - scholars and religious sources, i.e. But I guess I have some sort of inner belief in myself, otherwise I would've been dead already. Something keeps me going and something keeps me going even when there seems to be absolutely no way out. I think it's at least in part because I can't stop searching, and I always somehow learn something new which is of significant importance... at least enough so to get me further and back on track.

There have been times in my life where I learned things that I would recant and turn down immediately if I came upon them today. But I have no regret about having learned these things, or even that I believed in them for a while, because they are part of the whole which makes up the reason why I'm where I'm at - mentally speaking - today. And I honestly wouldn't want to be any place else where that element of my existence is concerned. My wish for change is purely geographical-political and cultural, because these factors at this particular place on the globe makes up a constellation that is close to impossible to get free of once you've been written into their extensive registry of what makes up their world and their reality... their good and bad.

I didn't think it possible, but I have just very, very recently had the absolutely lowest low with regard to how I felt about life and my chances to bounce back. I have never experienced anything like it, and though I've read and been told about something like this happening to other psychopathic individuals, I kept have a strange feeling that they were fooling with me because surely that could not be true.

To my regret I even posted a blog comment once (not on my own blog, but that almost makes it worse) in which I stated that the very idea of a depressed psychopath made me giggle. The comment was posted in reply to a psychopath who posted a short notice where he told us all - without the slightest drama or manipulative phrases - that depression among psychopaths does occur. - Maybe he reads this article, who knows. If he does, he now knows that his post wasn't for nothing even though nobody except myself replied or reacted to it at the time, and even though that reaction of mine was pure refusal to believe it could be true.

Some people will perhaps argue that I must've met depressed psychopaths in prison. And yes, I did meet some, not many, just a couple. But I never thought it was much more than an act. I remember one who got electroshock therapy (yep, this country also has the world record in use of that method to cure the mentally ill, particularly the depressed), and I witnessed him walking about like a zombie - only twice because he was mostly kept isolated in his cell which he apparently didn't care either way about. Indeed he didn't seem to care much about anything. I also never had any opportunity to talk to him, and the other guy I only spoke to a few times in passing before his depression apparently became so serious he had to be retained in his cell as well and no longer took part in the so called group therapy sessions we had in that period (a period that lasted two months).

I think it may also be okay to mention that during those years I didn't have any particular knowledge about psychopaths in the way that I do now, and I certainly did not believe that I myself was a psychopath. There were some others I also didn't believe were psychopaths, they each shared that belief about themselves and also had some other traits that stood out which were much like certain fundamental aspects that I acknowledge to be part of my own personality makeup (but that's a topic I'll discuss in more detail in future article).

Most of all, I did not take the concept of psychopathy serious. I saw it as a label the system used to categorize people they couldn't find anything else wrong with, but whom they could see and hear weren't like your average person, plus most importantly, who refused to accept dogma that seemed unfounded, unreasonable, ridiculous, suppressive, and so on.

But, the short of the long: The deep depression-like low that I have experienced in very recent time, and written about a few articles back, seem almost incomprehensible to me now that I've beaten it. I beat it with very simple methods: I realized that I had to use the little money I had saved up to use for surgery and/or leaving in the future. I had to use them to go and buy some decent food and get some gym work out, because if I didn't, there would be no chance to get surgery or to leave because I would be... in a state that made either of these actions impossible (I would be dead or too sick to do anything).

So yeah, I'm back, ready to try once more. And it wasn't because I let go of any hope or wish for my future, quite the contrary. I was considering giving up hope, which would've meant my death because hope is what keeps man alive when there's nothing else.

On the other hand I don't want you to misunderstand me. I think what you suggest can be used but only by certain people who have it in them to completely detach all sense of fundamental connection to this world. I don't claim to understand it, but I know there are spiritual paths followed by large groups of people in India which base their practice on the teaching that hanging on to anything of this world, be it expectations, belongings, ambitions, in some groups even love to another person should be let go of...

And we have all the branches of Buddhism. I'm not sure if what you mention has any ties to Buddhism, but I studied Buddhism for a while when I was a lot younger than I am now, and I eventually had to realize it wasn't for me and I couldn't believe in the teachings.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Psychopathy's Role In Modern Psychology.

How should we use the psychopathy label, and what about the diagnosis itself? Have we understood all there is to understand, and where do we put the line between 'psychopath' and 'not psychopath'? A Reader wrote an intelligent comment on this subject and I think it is worth more than another comment, so I reply in the form of the following article where I say what I think about the matter after posting the Reader's comment first.

It comes here:

I would like your opinion on something. I'm having a bit of trouble with believing this whole 'psychopathy diagnosis'. Why is it that the world has taken on the notion of this diagnosis without trying to objectively evaluate it?
Personally I do believe there is a distinct personality type that is different to other personality types (ASPD,BPD etc.),which has some of the features of Psychopathy. However I don't think it is as black and white as some people suggest. I've met people in my life who have certain features of psychopathy, and I also wonder whether 'psychopathy' is subject to change."
As a psychologist in training who has read a lot of research into psychopathy, I feel the urge to comment on this.
Firstly, psychopathy *has* been objectively evaluated. In order for a personality trait to be considered valid, it must meet several criteria. First, measures of that trait have to succeed on a statistical test called the Cronbach's alpha, which measures the extent to which the items on that test correlate with each other (which implies that they measure the same underlying thing). Second, the trait has to be stable over time - not 100% stable, but significantly better than chance. And thirdly, it has to predict other variables in a way that makes sense with what the trait is supposed to mean. A number of research studies, using several different psychopathy measures (not just the PCL-R - in fact, it's one of the poorer tests), have found that the trait of psychopathy meets all three of those criteria.
However, it certainly is not black-and-white. No matter which test is used, the scores are always found to be continuously distributed, with most people earning very low scores, some getting slightly higher scores, some getting moderate scores, some high scores and some getting extremely high scores. Precisely where to draw the line is somewhat uncertain.
But just because there's a spectrum doesn't mean there isn't a purpose to defining a category of people with an extreme degree of a particular trait. Autism is on a similar kind of spectrum, but those who score extremely high on autistic traits show important differences from normal people and need to be managed differently (eg avoiding sensory overload, using direct and unambiguous communication, etc). Similarly, those who score extremely high on psychopathic traits need to be managed differently (eg motivating by rewards rather than punishment, explaining moral concepts in terms of self-interest, etc). And if we are trying to identify extreme high scorers, we need to use some sort of categories, even if that means picking an arbitrary dividing line.


And now my reply (with quotes):
Personally I do believe there is a distinct personality type that is different to other personality types (ASPD,BPD etc.),which has some of the features of Psychopathy.
While it's true that psychopathy is a distinct condition in and of itself, it's also true that most if not all Cluster B conditions share some, but not all, of the same symptoms. But it's there as a distinct diagnosis because it has features that it is alone with. No other condition has an inherent absence of "efficient" functionality in the amygdala and dysfunctions in the frontal cortex which in combination leads to a strongly lowered or, in a few cases, complete absence - of certain core actions such as love and fear.

In all other cases we can observe the same absence, but for one it is never chronic, the person has known and understood mores, to mention an example, and there are usually other traits present which we don't see in psychopaths.

I can mention the feeling of emptiness which is so common in BPD, and the switching between a high level of emotion and a deep coldness and detachment.
As a psychologist in training who has read a lot of research into psychopathy, I feel the urge to comment on this.
Congratulations with this study. It's a big study if one really wants to be good at it.

I had a friend who has Asperger's Syndrome - I only stopped corresponding with her this last Autumn but otherwise knew her long back into my imprisonment where she first contacted me. She wanted to study and become a psychologist. But her immediate family was her only social network (apart from me), and they kept her from realizing this dream of hers. She was so afraid of loosing them that nothing I said could persuade her to go through with it (I haven't experienced before. that my logic, support and loyalty can't break through an unhealthy attachment to others, even family (in fact often family or family members), but in her case there was nothing I could do. And so I stopped taking contact this past Autumn.

The last time I spoke to her I informed her that my health has been declining rapidly due to the refusal to treat me that I've been receiving, and I told her that I could well be on my way to dying soon. But she hasn't cared enough to call or text me, and I just have to write it off as an experience that was good while it lasted, that I know I've helped her A LOT over the years, so not all was for nothing, I was just left out in the cold when I no longer could be the perfect gentleman who took her on cruises or flew her to New York to shop, or - later on - recycled the few really good restaurants in her capital.

So when talking about psychopathy traits in other Cluster B Disorders (or Conditions as I prefer to call them) - I don't know that Asperger's is anything other than an Autism spectrum diagnosis (on it's way out according to some) - but she definitely was a user of people. She would find a man, fall helplessly in love with him and flirt shamelessly until she had him, and then she'd grow bored and almost immediately start testing his boundaries. If he tolerated her promiscuity she lost all respect for him and teased him worse, if he didn't accept it she would feel abused and after some going forth and back free herself in favor of some other guy, and the cycle could start all over again. - I alone was the only one she didn't play these games with, but she showed me proudly how she did it with everybody else. - It all happened over the net, by the way, and she was diagnosed with Schizoid PD as well.

But imagine if her energy and talents could've been directed into a psychology study, what this might have changed - especially if she had a friend/mentor to help her with the coping emotional stuff.
However, it certainly is not black-and-white. No matter which test is used, the scores are always found to be continuously distributed, with most people earning very low scores, some getting slightly higher scores, some getting moderate scores, some high scores and some getting extremely high scores. Precisely where to draw the line is somewhat uncertain.
This is a very significant problem. In Scandinavia (<-- you will find a lot of very nice statements about this place in this Wiki article) f.ex., you can be labeled a psychopath if you score 18 on the PCL-R. Whether you can get the actual diagnosis with such a score I don't know, but in that area it matters little because it't the general opinion that counts and which you will be treated according to.

This is the negative side of psychopathy research. Western societies have for a long time had a tendency to limiting the mainstream code for what is normal.

But this is also the reason why it's so much more important that what cutting edge research has come to know as 'good psychopaths' speak up and get heard, and that will only happen if they're supported by those who understand the message. It is in the end a matter of human rights and the freedom of us all - the freedom to live and think and choose as we individually see fit, for as far as it doesn't hurt others.

That is not to say I believe you shouldn't be allowed to protect yourself - another thing that has been made fully official in Scandinavia: You don't have right to protect yourself or, if you're a woman, to protect your dignity (by law you are not aren't allowed to carry pepper sprays or even deodorants or anything else that can be used in self defense. Weapons are illegal and common citizens are not allowed to own or carry a weapon. Since more or less anything ca be used as a weapon, it up to the police to decide from situation to situation what is a weapon and what isn't. I'm told that a common screwdriver is very often considered a weapon if it helps getting a person convicted.

Oppositely you can get away with horrendous physical crimes without getting much more than a slap over the fingers. 2 years in prison for rape is no uncommon - though any sentence for rape IS uncommon. But the registration fever alone is a weapon that is used against people all of their lives (the blank slate after 10 years is a LIE and doesn't exist except in writing). It is things like these that we're all up against - though I'll admit that Scandinavia is so infected at this point that starting to try and do anything there is a dead dog.

If we are to change anything for the better of mankind we have to act fast and be consistent, and we need to do it from places where the law is working relatively well. San Francisco is such a place, to mention but one. I believe there are places in France and England too, and I know there are many places scattered over the US, where you have the protection of the law that enables you to do something constructive as long as you respect the laws.

And in respect to what I've said about variety and spectra, both here and elsewhere in my writings, I'd still say that Robert Hare isn't all wrong (even though I have changed my opinion of his school of thinking to some extent, but I can still recognize what I first thought when I read some of his texts and books). He has noticed how the system in the Western societies become in themselves psychopathic, and in my opinion there's no doubt about this. But it isn't the psychopaths who make all these decisions, it's the normal people. And they make such decisions because they don't understand psychopathy and are content with the boogeyman theory - something we don't have to understand. Something we can just smug and easy agree is horrendous and inhuman and should be put away forever or even killed, eliminated.
But just because there's a spectrum doesn't mean there isn't a purpose to defining a category of people with an extreme degree of a particular trait. Autism is on a similar kind of spectrum, but those who score extremely high on autistic traits show important differences from normal people and need to be managed differently (eg avoiding sensory overload, using direct and unambiguous communication, etc). Similarly, those who score extremely high on psychopathic traits need to be managed differently (eg motivating by rewards rather than punishment, explaining moral concepts in terms of self-interest, etc). And if we are trying to identify extreme high scorers, we need to use some sort of categories, even if that means picking an arbitrary dividing line.
I completely agree. This is what we hope to get out and make others understand. Once we can get to a point where authorities such as psychiatry, general healthcare, police and other coercive authorities, we can start talking to the congress (and what else it is called in other countries) about arranging some wider and easier available schooling and education about psychopathy and the role it can play in our society if we let it and if we know enough about it to let it.

As for the place and role of psychopathy in the modern diagnostic system of criteria, I still think it deserves a place, and I have to say that I am not much for arbitrarily decided lines or definitions when it comes to what is human and how it is human or less human.

I think we will need to come to terms with the fact that there are gray areas in everything, we can continue to draw lines and we can draw them precisely, but new ones will be called for because each new line will reveal a new gray area, and then that has to be evaluated until we can find a perfect position and form for a line for that. It is called evolution, and there's nothing wrong with it in and of itself.

The problem arrives when we start to think the cognitive process of the evaluation system is linear and final.

We can already see from examples dating back in our own present Christian Era history that reality is subject to change when the circumstances and way of thinking calls for it.

Lesss than 500 years ago we navigated the sea using a compass that was designed according to a system the had the Earth as the centrum of the universe. In other words, we navigated after a system that had the Earth sitting static and unmoving in the center while everything else, including the Sun, revolved around the Earth.

Today, when we look at the sextant and the compass of those days we can see it is ludicrous to base a global travelling system on the thesis that the Earth doesn't move and that everything revolves around us.

But it worked! And the Theory surrounding the Reality that was generally believed the be the final and indisputable version thereof at the time, worked. It worked until new thoughts came up that superseded the old world view because what it stood for, what it explained was supported by enough people, and it made sense!

What is just as thought provoking is that much the same unwillingness to accept the new paradigm back then went on as id happening now, in our own time about psychopathy and world economy and how and by whom the world is being ruled in general. - The only real difference is that this time we really better have to act fast! And that means Act! where ever you can, support anybody and everybody who leads the march in that direction which you want and wish to bear fruit - and do it loudly!


If you haven't already, I would strongly encourage you all to read Kevin Dutton's and Andy McNab's The Psychopath's Guide to Success and Jon Ronson's The Psychopath Test.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Emotions In Psychopaths & Narcissists.

A very interesting comment was placed under the article 'Does Psychopaths Know They're Psychopaths?' by a Reader who had some very interesting questions regarding differences between Psychopathy and Narcissism. He uses the best known and certainly in my opinion a primer example of someone who represents both conditions to a T: Mr. Sam Vaknin.

And I thought I would take the time to write a little extended answer and publish an article about the subject, in part because the relationship between psychopathy and narcissism is undeniable, but also because it continues - for good reasons - to have an interest in the wider public.

But just before I go ahead and post, I thought I should mention that I have found out what happened to the article I published yesterday and which never showed. It's rather banal and not worth going into detail about, but I happen to have the original text saved, so I will publish it again.

It's a two (or maybe three) parts article, and I will still have to find image, good websites that are worth linking to, selecting labels, and do editing, all of which usually takes at least as long as writing the article itself... No, that's not really true. When I get started writing I am finished in a lot shorter time than any time I have spend on the finishing touches: Edit, links, labels, and proof reading.

First the text from the Reader who asked me and wrote the words, and following after that is my reply which hopefully answers what my Reader is asking. - I will have to say, though, that you seem to have understood quite a lot yourself, and there were times where I could add nothing new. Anyway, here we go:
Do you know this Internet Psychopath called Sam Vaknin? He knows everything about what he stand for and that is total frustration. He can't help it to hate people. He even hates people with not only his mask but also the two childs inside of him hate people. That's one of the main differences between a narcissist and a psychopath. A narcissist is frustrated because the child inside has created a fake ego that defends him from harm. This false ego has the same traits as some ignorant child that wants everything done the way he wants and he lies and manipulates to get it. Children are btw more narcissistic than real grownups that had a normal childhood and got raised without traumatic events. So, narcissists are kinda childish when you understand their behaviour and im sure a pscyhopath can control and hurt a narcissist very easily because a narcissist stands or falls with the need of feeling admired and getting attention the way he tries to control it. Without his ability to control people he falls apart right? PSychopaths dont have this problem right? They can be alone without a problem. Is this really true or do you think at this part the defence mechanism of Sam Vaknin is talking as he knows he is a psychopath instead of the narcissist he claimed to be? In brainscans (documentary I-psychopath) he scored out of the roof on psychopathy. Still, he does it all for money (power). A lot of the traits remain the same.
He also claims he just can't understand what people feel when it comes to emotions. You claim you do feel this because you know the differences. THat means you have to have emphaty orelse you can't see the differences between your emotions or the emotions of others. THat would mean that psychopaths have emotions? Please explain this. Thank you. You can call me Fleetwood if you like. :)
Yes, I know Sam - not offline, and I've only exchanged a few words with him, but I know who he is and what he stands for.

A lot of psychopaths are narcissists too, and if I'm to be completely honest - and I am - I also know how it feels to hate people. I've hated people most of my life, 'even behind the mask'.

That said, I do believe he is more narcissistic than I am, and that's not meant to be degrading, in fact I have some admiration for what he does. He really does take it all the way, and while he would say "I can foresee the outcome of everything I do, so there's nothing brave about it", I'd still say there's something brave about standing up in public and declare that you hate children... he made a short but very honest video on Youtube: 'Narcissists Hate Children and Envy Them'about the subject but even I was too much of a pussy to compliment him for having expressed something I myself have felt when I was younger but still an adult.

The difference, I believe, is that narcissists feel negatively all the time, the emotions Vaknin express in the video I've mentioned are not fleeting or occasional, they're the feelings he have for children every time he is presented for situations where children are involved like he explains.... and - as I said - I do think it is a sign of bravery to be open to this extent, for children is probably the one taboo that none of the rest of us have admitted any ill feelings against.

Well I've finally been open about it now, in this reply, and I'm going to again in a future article. -- But my ill emotions regarding children aren't chronic, and therein lies the difference between Vaknin and other major narcissists, and psychopaths who's narcissism is secondary.

You're right: At least to the outsider who understands a narcissist his feelings appear childish, and he is certainly - a common narcissist is - easy to control when you know the more central things about his emotional life, and they easily fall apart if they loose control and ability to maintain it.

But make no mistake about Sam Vaknin, he's no ordinary narcissist. He may exaggerate here and there about his superiority, but that doesn't mean he has no superiority over most people, he obviously does, and that too deserves admiration - something he never got when it was most important to him.

Your question about psychopaths, about whether or not they can live alone without feeling lonely, that, I would say, is definitely true. I haven't met a psychopath who knows what it means to 'feel lonely'.

Psychopaths can easily be alone.

It is being isolated, not necessarily from people but from the world, it is being isolated from your surroundings whatever they are and being unable to go exploring or go out and build a life for yourself, start doing something good, for example (as in my case, ironically enough); it is things like these that we don't have the capacity to tolerate well.

Had I not luckily arrived at a time in my life, after 3-4 years of deep research and self scrutinizing, I would very likely - or rather, if I'm to be completely honest - I would've gone out and killed people during night time. I would've done it as a way to get an outlet, a means to survive another day or two, and I wouldn't have needed to be paid even though I'm as poor as ever and deeply dependent upon somebody to lend me a hand.

But instead of killing people and stop caring about what I have come to view as possibly the most important thing I will be contributing to society during my life time (if I manage to turn things around!), I become horribly self destructive[1*].

If you have read the last few articles I've published here in the blog, you will know that I am dying - not only from medical malpractice and denied treatment and surgery, but from the isolation that has been forced upon me. I can say with complete honesty that I meet more lonely people outside than I ever did inside prison[2*].

I think I trailed off...[3*]

Make no mistake, Sam Vaknin is no ordinary Narcissist. I suspect that if psychopathy had been in the eye of the media when he began his authorship and started an internet presentation based career, he would've put more emphasis on his psychopathy. And his psychopathy is what enables him to distance himself emotionally when he feels slighted or attacked (as you saw in 'I, Psychopath - at least according to the journalist who must've been an emotionally fragile person, and it doesn't surprise me that it was someone like him who felt drawn to the project. When you experience emotional 'overload' your memory has a way of creating or altering things so that they appear worse than they in reality were.

I myself have experienced this on several occasions, and while in this case it did Sam Vaknin good in that it helped cement his capacity for mental cruelty and control, in my case it has at times led to me being accused of doing or saying things that I didn't do or say, and there's nothing I can do about it because people never believe him who is known as the stronger, bad guy.

Sam Vaknin can distance himself emotionally when the situation calls for it, this is what makes him successful. When he has weak moments he don't show it but retreats, and I suspect that has cost him a few business deals. But that is for him to know and for the rest of us to only guess about.

You write:
He also claims he can't understand what people feel when it comes to emotions.
That must be the emotional level of understanding that he talks about, for he most definitely understands from an intellectual level what people feels very well, just like any other psychopath does. He's also an eminent observer with a very well functioning high intellect, and at least the first is something he has in common with psychopaths everywhere (far from all psychopaths - or narcissists, for that matter - are intelligent let alone highly intelligent, or has an intellect that functions well).

Neither narcissists nor psychopaths understand emotionally what other people are feeling. The psychopaths don't understand it because they lack the neuropsychological ability to feel the emotions themselves, and narcissists don't understand them because they have subliminized these feelings so deeply and so well that they may as well not be there in the first place - though they can be brought to surface with the help or the unrefusable cruel destructiveness of someone who lives to see people's minds fall apart and themselves go into a chronic state of madness of catatonic non-existence.

This, again, is understandably not possible to do to a psychopath, and that is so whether or not he is a narcissist. Psychopaths are simply too well educated in the game of emotional-psychological hide and seek and have fine tuned their cognitive abilities so that only the most narcissistic can be caught off guard or reached that way.

I will say it is reality that psychopaths can absolutely be alone without a problem if they have a reason to do so and put their mind to it (are focused).

Do I think Sam Vaknin is aware that he is a psychopath first and a narcissist second? Well I don't even know that he really IS a narcissist second to being a psychopath. I will say that being a psychopath is the most 'powerful' aspect of his psyche, while being a narcissist is the antisocial way that his personality has grown to develop it's traits most prominently and visible.

You write:
In brainscans (documentary I-psychopath) he scored out of the roof on psychopathy. Still, he does it all for money (power).
No, that is incorrect. If he did it all for money and vague power he would be motivated only by typical psychopathic traits. But remember that Vaknin has an intellect and a background that - if he chose to - he could no doubt use to gain a similar amount of money and vague power, but he wouldn't be able to so it as a free person in the sense that a man like himself needs to do things. There would be a lot of conditions on part of those who gave him the necessary contacts and loans, i.e., to make such an accomplishment.

The truth is he does it very much out of narcissistic motivation: I need to be my own man, I can't be below someone else, I can't answer to others, I know I'm better than others so I have to make my livelihood in a way that gives me sole power and as much money as possibly, but maybe most of all: Narcissistic Supply (= people who have to work with or for him on his terms - some of these people doing this freely since some people will see in him what he is striving to show the world that he is gifted with and can contribute with.

It is true that I say - and keep saying - that I have the capacity to feel empathy, but I am aware that my empathy is shorter lived than that of normal people, unless the person I have empathy remains within my immediate company for an extended time. Even so I will tend to switch my empathy for sympathy, and it is often the case that my sympathy makes me able to do much more for a hurting person than the mpathy I had at first.

Sympathy is the same as empathy but without the emotion, and it is the cognitive understanding of the other person's feelings and situation that make me able to see the whole, the larger picture, where most people see only the person who is hurting (and themselves who are hurting along with that person).

My extended awareness enables me to see what is needed in the situation and make decisions that will get those necessary things done. -- I don't have number of how many times I've taken control on an accident scene - car crash, for example - and been the one who made sure everything went smoothly - or as smoothly as possible in a situation where a lot of people have to follow orders given by one individual who were some of the times much younger than themselves, and who had no visible authority to take any leader position.

I don't know what you mean by: "[I] do feel this because [I] know the differences."

But even so it is true, I do indeed have feelings, and so do most other psychopaths. The reason for this is that psychopathy isn't a set one-fits-all condition, it's a personality scale that has a lot of variation between the individuals, some have a little bit of a lot of different types of feelings or emotions while others have few, but strong emotions. How do you think we would get through life if we felt nothing? We'd have no reason, no incentive to do anything to survive.

The notion of the psychopath as some lizard like being with no human traits at all except for his appearance and ability to talk and mimic social skills, is ridiculous to the point of being outright laughable if it wasn't because it is so unbelievably harmful, not only to the psychopaths - let's forget about us for a second! - but to society and the future of the human race per se!

And that, my friend, is what I have learned, and it is what keeps me going - though I still don't do it as well as I would like, but am struggling to change that.

And I believe I will return strong and capable as I always have! I believe that I will rise again, and I will do so in spite of everything!


As one certain movie villain said. And be back he did - as a hero!


[1*] - I can't help it, I must do this or... go out and commit very nasty types of violent crimes. So I take lots of drugs to ease the pain and make it possible to sit and write for an hour at the time before it gets too painful, and I drug myself into a stupor when I get so angry or frustrated that I simply can't remain in that situation and therefore have to remove myself from it (which, as we know, isn't physically possible at this time) or give in to horrible urges that I hardly can call urges anymore because they're only a possible outlet.

Other than that I chain smoke and have been forced to eat take-away food from the approx. 1,5 mill citizen capital's only fast food restaurant who delivers past 11 PM, and one such pizza, if I take away most of the fat stuff keeps my weight at a stand still for as far as I only eat one every day. But as another means of trying to numb my frustrations and anger, I have lately eaten more than that, so I'm growing beyond what's healthy or comfortable.

[2*} - I happen to live in the country in the world who has the largest number of 'lonely' and single people (yes, they know this because everything the population does is being registered and recorded - AND kept secret from the population, but that's a future discussion).

[3*] - I used to trail off a lot when I first began keeping this blog. I have a slight dyslexia along with the psychopathic ADHD-like trait being extremely pronounced in me, so it has taken me a LONG time to get over this trailing off to other subjects and forgetting what I was talking about to begin with in the process. That I see this returning is a very clear sign of the seriousness of the damage that my current treatment and overall situation does to me.